After (and the World Went On)
by Entwinedlove
Summary: Complete. / After Lily's life ended, the world went on. This is the story of how Lily survived Lord Voldemort's attack on that fateful Hallowe'en night and how she and the remaining Marauders continued on.
1. The End

"Lily," James yelled from the living room, his voice taking on a panicked but determined tone, "take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off—"

Lily heard a high voice say the Killing Curse and heard James's body thump lifelessly onto the floor. She had raced up the stairs with their son in her arms when she'd first heard his panicked voice and the pain in her chest at hearing her husband fall caused her to scream. She couldn't contain the agony that simple sound caused. She slammed the door to the nursery shut and only then realised that she didn't have her wand. She fiddled with the door knob, swearing to herself when she realised it didn't even have a lock. In her frenzy, she had only scooped up Harry from where she had him sitting on the kitchen table-she hadn't picked up her wand from next to him.

She could have cried if she had thought it would have done any good. She had just set Harry down in his crib when the door swung open and a red-eyed monster of a man stood before her. She wanted to scream in fear but all that came out was begging. She begged for her son's life.

"Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!" she tasted salt on her lips.

Remarkably, Lord Voldemort did not immediately cast the Killing Curse on her as he'd done on her husband. Instead, he commanded, "Stand aside, you silly girl..." When she did not move away but instead stepped more in front of the crib, trying to block her son from the cruel man's view, he said again, irritation leaking into his voice, "Stand aside, now..."

"Not Harry," she pleaded again, "Please no, take me, kill me instead—"

"This is my last warning—" he threatened.

She held her hands up in supplication, "Not Harry! Please, have mercy!" She could feel her tears dripping from her chin in her despair, "have mercy; not my son! Please, I'll do anyth—"

A flash of red spellfire flew from his white wand and knocked the breath from her. She collapsed in front of the crib like a ragdoll. Lord Voldemort frowned and shook his head at the pitiful excuse for a witch.

He dismissed her out of mind and looked at the crying child sitting in the crib. The babe held the white wooden dowels in front of him as his face scrunched, red and wrinkled from bawling and seeing his mother fall. Voldemort doubted the child was old enough to understand the concept of Death. He pointed his wand at the child's forehead, pale and visible under a messy down of black hair. He felt his hatred and anger wrap around him in its familiar way and let it pour through him and his wand, " _Avada Kedavra_!"

The explosion was instantaneous. The spell ricocheted, bouncing from the infant's little head, protected from death by his father's sacrifice, to the vile man draped in black robes. The blowback from the spell obliterated the ceiling and the far wall, raining chunks of wood and drywall and insulation down around the crib, the fallen woman, and the robes of the Lord—the man—that was.

As the dust and debris settled and silence returned to the little street in the quiet village of Godric's Hollow, the babe's wailing and sobs continued.

 *** . * . ***

Soon another cry could be heard in the demolished house. A grown but young man howled in grief and dropped to his knees next to his best friend's body. He touched the man's skin and felt the absence of Prongs's magic. Through his tears, he could see the tightness of the skin on James's face; could see how his eyes had sunken into his skull.

He tried to stand—to move—but stumbled on a piece of debris that had fallen down the stairs from the explosion. He couldn't be bothered to pick it up or push it away, so instead, he crawled up the steps, still sobbing, blinded by his tears. What had he done? How had this happened?

He struggled up the stairs, ignoring the splinters in his palms until he was at the upstairs landing. He could see through the door frame, through the room, out at the cloudy sky above. He saw Harry, dressed in his softest blue sleeper, standing in his crib. His face was red from his crying and the trickle of blood across his forehead. The child had smeared it up into his hair and the reddish brown of dried blood was streaked across his hands and down his cheeks.

"Harry," Sirius sobbed a heavy breath of relief. How could a child survive anything in this space? The entire room was destroyed. He stood and stepped, tripping on black robes. When he was close enough, he grabbed the child and hoisted him into his arms. Sirius squeezed the boy tight, trying to calm his own weeping to calm the baby. He sank down onto his knees next to the crib and stared at the limp body of Lily, lying broken. It took Sirius longer than he cared to admit to breathe without hiccoughing and when he shifted, his hand brushed Lily's. Her skin wasn't tight like James's had been and he could still feel a pulse of life; her magic still flowed through her veins. Sirius held his breath, not caring that doing so would start the gasping again, and pressed his hand to Lily's chest. When he felt the slightest movement he almost choked on nothing.

Renewed tears slipped down his stubbly cheeks as he dug his wand from his pocket and cast the Reviving Spell. At first, she didn't stir but then her eyes opened and she blinked. She reached for Harry in his arms but stopped to look at her hands and arms. She had bits of wood sticking out at odd angles, debris from the room embedded into her skin.

"James," she murmured, a moment before whimpering. "Siri-hus," she gasped and cried at the same time, "He—" she hiccoughed a wet sob, still reaching for her son, "He killed my James," she cried.

She wrapped her arms around the baby and Sirius leaned towards her, letting her hold the child without letting go himself. "I know, Lily, I know. You need a healer; Harry needs a healer," he said, trying to reassure himself that two of the three people he loved that had lived in this house had survived. "Hogwarts, we'll go to Hogwarts..."

Later, Sirius wouldn't be able to say where he found the strength to stand or the deliberation to Apparate, but somehow he found himself at the gate guarded by winged boars staring up at the torch-lit castle. He screamed into the night, clinging to Lily and Harry, desperate to make their arrival noticed and to release some of the anguish filling up his chest.


	2. Fidelius

Lily held the mug of tea in both hands, staring blankly in front of her. She was sitting on a hospital bed in the Hogwarts infirmary, arms bandaged, with her son asleep and nestled between her legs on the bed. He also had a bandage, but it was only a small one on his forehead. The only damage done, a mark that would leave a scar, in the shape of a lightning bolt.

When she'd finally come around in the infirmary, Sirius was still holding both of them refusing to let them go. Madam Pomfrey had dosed the tea with an entire vial of Calming Draught and now Sirius was sitting in a chair close by picking at his cuticles. He'd set the tea aside after one swallow but it had been enough to ease the tension in his shoulders.

It did nothing to ease the pain in their hearts. Lily doubted there was enough magic in the world to ease the pain, much less a potion or a spell. The concept of losing James was still so fresh. She hadn't even seen his body. She had been told that Hagrid would retrieve the body and arrangements would be made. Harry shifted a bit on her lap and she looked down at her son. He was her miracle. She had no idea what had happened and had only heard Sirius's report to Dumbledore and Pomfrey that their home was in ruins.

She could only remember James's panicked tone and the sound of his body hitting the floor. She couldn't even really remember what he'd said. It had all happened so fast.

The door to the infirmary opening drew her attention and she blinked her dry, gritty eyes as she looked in that direction. Two Aurors, in their red uniforms, came in and headed in her direction. She assumed that maybe they were coming to ask her questions. Instead, they bypassed her bed and stood on either side of Sirius.

"Stand up, Black," the first one said, grabbing hold of Sirius's arm and jerking hard to get him to stand. His chair scraped noisily across the stone floor but he stood.

"What? What do you want?" His words sounded slurred and Lily wondered if he'd not had more tea than she thought.

"You're under arrest, you wanker," the second said, his wand already pointed at Sirius. He cast a binding spell, wrapping Sirius's wrists with tightly bound ropes.

"What for?" Sirius said, struggling against the rope.

"What for? I mean you're sitting here with the victim," the first laughed crudely.

"What? No, stop!" Lily said, her voice cutting through the din they were making. Harry woke up and sniffed before letting out a loud cry, his wail echoing in the large, open room. "Stop! You can't take him!" She shouted. Her son was already awake and adding to the noise, it didn't matter if she shouted now.

The Aurors just looked at her like she'd lost her mind and she threw her half empty mug of tea at one of them. The hot tea rained over his arm and chest and the mug bounced off his shoulder. Decent aim for being half drugged. "Stop! Who's calling for his arrest? Who gave you these orders?"

The one that had been hit with the mug sneered. "Auror Crouch, Head of the DMLE."

"Take me to him," she demanded, as she half crawled off the bed, scooping up her son into her arms as she did. He continued to cry but didn't wiggle.

"Can't do that, Ms Potter, we've got orders to take Sirius Black to Azkaban immediately and we aren't deviating from that at all."

Sirius, who had stopped struggling when she'd flung the tea mug at the Auror, renewed his struggles, jerking and twisting to try and break the hold they had on him. It didn't help. One of the Aurors pulled a chocolate frog card from his pocket and slammed it against Sirius's chest. It glowed blue instantly and then the three of them popped out of the infirmary, Portkeying out of Hogwarts.

Lily spun on her toes toward the doors and swayed on the spot before marching towards the exit. Madam Pomfrey came out of her quarters with her dressing gown wrapped tightly against the draft of the castle. "Lily, you can't! Ms Potter, you shouldn't be up and about! Lily come back!"

Lily ignored her and strode up the four flights of stairs to the Headmaster's Tower. Harry had quieted down with the movement and only his sniffles broke the silence of the late night hours of the corridors of the castle.  
The gargoyle saw Lily and jumped out of the way, no password needed. She climbed the spiralling stairs with haste and didn't knock on the door. She flung it open and the resulting crash it made against the wall made poor Harry startle in her arms. "I'm sorry, baby," she murmured, bouncing him on her hip. He just laid his head against her shoulder. "Dumbledore," she called, seeing that the headmaster was already standing near his desk. "I demand to speak with Auror Crouch."

He gestured for her to sit but she shook her head. "Lily, I'm not sure you realise that it's almost three in the morning."

"They've arrested Sirius!"

His brow furrowed and he tilted his head at her. "Why wouldn't you want him arrested? He gave you up to Lord Voldemort."

"He did no such thing; I cast the Fidelius on Peter! We let the rumours grow that it was Sirius to keep the Death Eaters attention on him. We thought it was extra protection." Her voice broke on the word protection and her body sagged at her exhaustion but she did not sit.

"Oh, well. That is..." Dumbledore said, mumbling a bit to himself like he was tired as well.

"Well?"

"Yes, yes," he stood as he nodded, understanding the importance of the task. "We'll go to the Ministry."

"Now, please. The Aurors said he was being taken directly to Azkaban."

"We'll travel by Floo," he said, igniting the coals in the fireplace behind her with his wand before conjuring a blanket. "To cover Harry's face." He handed her the blanket and she tucked it around Harry. Dumbledore tossed a pinch of grey Floo powder into the flames and called out their destination. Lily stepped through first.

 *** . * . ***

Lily stepped into the large open atrium. The cold of the black marble floor seeped through her bedroom slippers. She pulled the blanket off of Harry and tucked it around him and he laid his head back on her shoulder, closing his eyes. The Floo flared again and Dumbledore stepped out. He reached out and ushered her forward, letting his hand hover behind her back. They walked towards the lifts but before they were close enough to press the button to call for one, there was a ding and the doors opened.

A middle-aged man with dark hair topped with a black trilby and a narrow toothbrush moustache stepped out followed by an older woman wearing mustard-coloured robes. They looked tired but both wore smiles of accomplishment.

"Auror Crouch, Minister Bagnold," Dumbledore greeted. "I believe we have a problem."

"What is it Dumbledore?" Bagnold asked. Her eyes darted down to take in Lily's bandaged arms, pyjamas, and slippers. When her gaze landed on Harry, asleep on her shoulder, her eyes narrowed.

"It seems that Sirius Black has been arrested on a rumour rather than evidence."  
"Evidence?" Crouch sneered, "He gave up the secret to the Potters house to You-Know-Who! The house was destroyed; I saw it myself! What more evidence do we need? He deserves the Dementor's Kiss!"

"No!" Lily shouted, reaching up to cover Harry's ears from the harshness of the sound. "No," she said again, softer, "Sirius didn't do it; it wasn't Sirius's fault, it was Peter's!"

"Oh, don't be ridiculous girl. Shouldn't you still be in hospital? You're suffering from hysteria!"

His dismissal of her and the truth ignited her anger, pulling her from the shock she'd been in previously. "I am not hysterical," she said, glaring at him hard. "I'm a widow and my son is the only known survivor of the Killing Curse. Whatever happened in my house vanquished Lord Voldemort." Both Crouch and Bagnold flinched at his name. "I cast the Fidelius Charm on Peter Pettigrew and because of him, my husband is dead. I demand justice. Sirius is," she paused realising her mistake, "was... James's best friend. They were as close to brothers without sharing blood as can be. Sirius is innocent."

Crouch pursed his lips and ground his teeth which made his moustache wiggle. Lily thought the moustache made him look comical but she was too angry to even crack a smile, instead, she glared at him.

It was Bagnold that broke the staring contest between them. "Barty, an owl will take too long. No need for Black, who's probably reeling from the shock of the night, to spend any extra time in Azkaban for a crime he didn't commit. Go to Azkaban and bring him back, would you?"

Crouch turned his gaze to his boss with widened eyes, both anger and irritation written plainly on his face. "Surely it can wait until the morning, my wife's probably-"

"No, Auror Crouch," Bagnold said, "You will go now. Mrs Potter, would you care to come up to my office to wait while Barty goes to retrieve him?"

Lily shook her head; her throat felt tight and her heart was heavy in her chest. "No, thank you; I'll sit at the fountain to wait."

Minister Bagnold nodded and looked over to Crouch who still hadn't moved. "Well, Crouch? Go!"

Crouch's shoulders were stiff and he breathed deeply like he was about to argue but the Minister just raised her eyebrows at him, daring him. He swallowed and turned on his heel and walked quickly toward the Floo and Apparition area.

Bagnold watched him go, her lips pressed together as she contemplated his behaviour. When she turned back to Dumbledore and Lily, she offered them both a sad smile. "I believe you can handle it from here, Dumbledore. My condolences for your husband, Mrs Potter, and my apologies for the wrongful arrest." When both Dumbledore and Lily nodded to acknowledge her words, she walked past them toward the fireplaces to Floo home. The hem of her mustard-coloured robes brushing the floor behind her.

Lily turned and walked closer to the Fountain of Magical Brethren. She sat on the edge closest, which happened to be next to the witch. She remembered the first time she'd seen this fountain. She and James had come to sign for the banns to get married in both the Muggle and magical Ministries because she was Muggle-born. She had looked on the fountain with awe and enjoyed the tinkling sound the water made as it streamed from different places around the sculpture. At the time, she'd noticed how the centaur, goblin, and house-elf had looked reverently up at the witch and wizard. It wasn't until now, as she sat there waiting for Crouch to bring back Sirius that she realised the witch was also looking up at the wizard. The sculpture wasn't a detailed masterpiece, so she couldn't tell what emotion the witch was supposed to be depicting. Was she looking at the wizard in love? Adoration? Awe? Fear? Lily closed her eyes, suddenly too tired to care. She yawned and turned her face to kiss the top of Harry's head. "Mummy loves you," she whispered into his hair.

There was a slight commotion and Lily jerked, opening her eyes and turning to see what was happening. It was just Sirius, who was still wrapped in ropes, being manhandled by the arm by Crouch. Sirius was shaking his head back and forth, trying to dispel the dizziness he always felt from Portkey travel as Crouch shoved him forward. He toppled. Dumbledore was quick with his wand and dissolved the ropes around Sirius, but Sirius wasn't quick enough with the Calming Draught in his system and he landed shoulder first on the black marble floor. He was slow picking himself up. He dusted himself off and sneered at Crouch's back as Crouch continued to walk toward Dumbledore. It was in the tiny moments like that that illustrated to Lily the superiority in which he'd been raised. When he tossed up two fingers behind Crouch's back the image of superiority disappeared. He spotted Lily and his expression shifted to worry and love as he walked closer to her.

She tried to stand but dropped back onto her bum. She was exhausted. He looked exhausted too as he put his hands under her elbows and helped her stand. "Let's get you ho—" he stuttered mid-word, paused to lick his lips, and repeated it, "home. I'll take you to my flat." When she didn't answer right away he stepped back, tilted his head, and slouched a little to look in her eyes, "Unless you want to go back to Hogwarts? I'm sure Pomfrey didn't release you in slippers?" His gaze dropped to her feet and then back to her face. She shook her head.

Dumbledore and Crouch had shared words and Crouch was just departing through the Floo when Dumbledore approached them.  
"Are you coming back to Hogwarts?"

Sirius stepped back next to her and put his arm around her shoulders to speak with the Headmaster. She shook her head and Sirius answered for them. "I'm going to take them back to my flat. We'll start making plans tomorrow."

"Very well," Dumbledore said, nodding. He gestured to the fireplaces. "You go on first then, and I'll head back to Hogwarts. I'll see you tomorrow."

Sirius led her to the fireplaces. He helped her cover Harry's head before she stepped into the fireplace. He tossed the Floo powder and called out his address. She stumbled out of the fireplace into his flat and almost fell over in her exhaustion but strong arms caught her from behind. "No falling over just yet," he said as he helped her stand. "Come on, you and Harry take the bed. I'll sleep on the couch."

"I can't sleep yet, Sirius," she said, but she did let him lead her into his bedroom. She gently laid Harry down and ran her fingers through his messy black hair.

"You need to."

"I'll just have nightmares." She turned and headed into the kitchen, opening and closing his cupboards until she found the things to make tea.

"So, I got an in-depth tour of our prison system tonight," he muttered. She looked up at him from where she'd put the kettle on the stove, wishing she had her wand. He was looking up through his lashes at her with a smirk on his face. It was a face she recognised. He was trying to tell a joke and wasn't sure of his audience. She huffed a little and tried to smile at him but he could tell she didn't find it humorous.

"I'm so sorry, Sirius; I went to Dumbledore immediately."

"I'm all right. Would rather not go again, though," he said. He aimed his wand at the kettle behind her and it immediately whistled softly. "We'll go get you a new wand tomorrow."

She shook her head. "Did the kitchen get destroyed?" she asked as she poured the hot water into the teapot.

His brow furrowed, "No, I don't think so, why?"

"I left my wand in the kitchen."

His eyes widened. "You mean you didn't have your wand on you?"

"When James shouted I grabbed Harry and ran. My wand was on the counter beside him and I didn't pick it up." She looked up at him to see his eyes were wide with shock. That's when her emotions started to overwhelm her. She asked him as tears gathered in her eyes. "Why am I alive, Sirius? Why didn't he kill me too?"

Sirius came around the counter and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her head into his shoulder. He smelled like cigarette smoke and leather and it just reminded her of how different he was from James. James smelled like the laundry soap she used and broom polish. He swayed back and forth as she broke down into heart-wrenching sobs.

She felt him moving and pouring their tea with one hand as he held her tightly against him with the other. He bent his head and kissed the top of her head. He pulled back when she quieted a little and handed her the mug. He rested his forehead against hers and took a deep shuddering breath. "I'm going to go smoke a fag."

Lily looked up at him, feeling the wetness on her lashes and cheeks but not caring enough to wipe them away. He looked as broken as she felt and she could see tears in his eyes. She nodded and he nodded back and he turned. He picked up his tea mug and sloshed some of it over the edge. He didn't seem to notice the hot liquid running down his fingers as he grabbed his pack of cigarettes from the counter with the other hand and walked toward the balcony doors. She watched his trembling fingers as he pushed open the door and stepped into the cool night air.

 *** . * . ***

Remus arrived a few hours later when Lily was sleeping. He was there, feeding Harry scrambled eggs in the kitchen when Lily stumbled out of the bedroom. She had a horrible headache and the skin on her arms was sensitive from the splinters and debris Madam Pomfrey had pulled from them. She'd taken a shower and rummaged through Sirius's wardrobe until she found pyjama bottoms and a Queen tee shirt.

Sirius was just stepping back in from the balcony as she came out and he teased, "Looking good this morning, Lils." A light gust of wind rushed over him as he shut the glass door behind him and it brought in the smell of nicotine and smoke. Lily squinted at him.

"I don't want to do this," she muttered and trudged into the kitchen. Remus offered her a plate of eggs and bacon, checked over Harry's progress, and then turned back to the cooker to work on another plate. "It's good to see you again, Remus," she murmured in thanks.

He glanced up and gave her a half smile before he nodded and looked away.

Sirius sat down on the chair next to Harry and watched him picking up pieces of egg with his fingers and mushing it before shoving it in his mouth. "So what all do we have to do today?" he finally asked, looking up at Remus and Lily.  
She took a deep breath before answering. "I need to go get what I can from the house. My wand, clothes for me and Harry, his toys." She looked down at her plate. "Pictures."

"One of us can do it, you know," Remus said softly. He turned and set a plate of fried eggs, mushrooms, and bacon in front of Sirius.

Lily saw Harry reaching for the open cup that Remus had filled with water and reached over to help him hold it so he could sip it without getting the water all over him. "I know, and thanks, but... I think it's something I should do. I'll need to salvage what I can for wherever... we go next."

Sirius was quiet as he took a bite of his breakfast. "Maybe we can all get a flat together? This one's not big enough for all of us."

Remus turned around to look at Sirius and then they both looked to her. She watched them and then looked back to Harry to help him with his cup again. Tears welled up in her eyes again and she swallowed thickly to try and stem the anxiety and surge of emotions his offer had on her. "Yeah," she said, swallowing again because the word came out distorted. "Yes. It's not like I could go to my sister or anything. She'd have a fit if I showed up at her house asking to stay for a bit."

They chuckled. "Well, we don't want Tuney to have a fit, do we?" Sirius asks. Lily rolled her eyes at him.

"Dumbledore said he'd handle the funeral arrangements but I still feel like I should handle that too," Lily said.

"You don't have to. If you don't want him to do it, Sirius and I can take care of it."

"No, I... I need to do it. James is... was... was my husband." Her lashes were wet again and she glanced down at her plate, not particularly hungry.

"We'll be with you every step of the way," Remus said. Harry tipped his water cup over and water rushed over the table drenching him. He let out a startled cry at the sensation and Lily jerked to her feet to start cleaning up the mess by hand. Remus put his hand on her shoulder to stop her. "I've got him, you eat. It'll help with the headache."

Sirius had already syphoned up the water on the table and the floor with his wand when Lily sat back down. Remus scooped Harry up and carried him to the bathroom, talking softly to him. Lily and Sirius didn't speak as they finished off their breakfast.


	3. Animagus

The rest of the week was a blur for Lily. Looking back, she knew that the four of them had gone back to the house in Godric's Hollow to pack up. Remus had suggested one of them stay to babysit but Lily didn't want Harry too far away from her. Packing took less time than she thought it would but it was only because they'd conjured boxes and boxed up absolutely everything without really sorting through it. At least her suggestion of keeping everything separated by room with labels had been utilised.

Talking with Dumbledore had been the hardest because he had wanted to know every detail she could remember. Then he relinquished the arrangements for James's funeral to her. He was also having a sculpture built of James holding Harry to be placed in the square at Godric's Hollow in memorial. He had asked if she wanted one of her as well but she declined. She wasn't sure how she felt about a sculpture memorial for any of them but knew that Dumbledore thought it was important.

They hadn't done anything for Sirius's birthday. Not even bake him a cake. Lily had asked him if he had wanted one but he'd just shrugged and shaken his head. The day after his birthday, they heard that Alice and Frank Longbottom had been tortured to near insanity and were in St Mungo's. The prognosis wasn't looking good.

"All right, Lily?" Sirius asked as he walked by her. She blinked to dispel her thoughts and looked at him. He had a couch floating behind him as he stepped beside her. "Where do you want it?"

"What?"

"Well, aren't you going to, you know, set up the rooms?"

"I... I don't know. I guess so."

"The deed may be in my name but it's as much yours and Remus as it is mine, all right? I want you comfortable. If you want to just drop things as we bring them in and change it around tomorrow or next week, we can do that."

She nodded and shrugged, wrapping her arms around her stomach. The only room she'd seen to was the first one they did. Hers and Harry's room. His crib had needed to be replaced and she'd broken down in tears over it because James had been so proud he had put it together the Muggle way.

Sirius seemed to take pity on her and looked out into the empty room. "I know that the fireplace is supposed to be a focal point or some shit, but I was thinking that maybe we could have the couch face out into the room away from it Leaving enough room to Floo, of course. And leave a big open space on the floor for Harry to play."

She nodded. "That sounds fine, Sirius; really, however you want it." Sirius nodded and used his wand to direct the couch in front of the fireplace and set it down gently on the dark cherry wood floor. 

Remus walked in and gave her a look that said, 'Do you really want Sirius in charge of something like this?' and it made her smile a little at him. Harry was walking slowly beside Remus, his hand fisted in the denim of Remus's trouser leg. She bent down and ruffled his hair, opening her arms to him. Harry shook his head and tugged on Remus. He looked down at Harry and smiled. "What do you want, little man?"

"Boom! Boom boom!"

Remus glanced up at her from under his brows. Neither he nor Sirius had been around Harry enough to know his few words or what they meant, so she translated. "Broom. He want's is broomstick that Sirius got him for his birthday."

"Ah," Remus said. He bent down and picked Harry up and put him on his hip. "Now where did we put your broomstick?" He asked. Harry pointed at Sirius.

"Me?" Sirius asked. "I didn't pack it. Your mummy packed it." He looked at Lily, grinning.

"All right, I'll go get his broom."

When Harry was zooming around the partially furnished sitting room the three of them sat down on the couch to watch him. Remus said, "I've been thinking... The Auror's aren't going to be able to find Peter." 

Lily frowned and glanced at his face before turning back to watch her son. "What do you mean?"

Sirius cleared his throat softly. "They won't find him because they won't be looking for a rat. None of us registered as Animagi."

"Oh," she said. They were silent as Harry flew past as fast the broom would go before turning and making another lap around the room in the opposite direction. "What's the penalty for not registering?"

She looked at him when he didn't answer her. He was worrying his bottom lip between his teeth and staring at the floor.

"Sirius?"

His eyes came up to meet hers for a moment before he looked away again to Harry, who shrieked in delight and spun on his broom. "Time in Azkaban."

"How long?"

"Don't know, really. Suppose it depends on if you've used your animal form in a criminal manner."

Sirius smacked his palms down suddenly on his thighs, making a loud noise. Lily jerked where she was sitting and Harry looked over at them. "Merlin's saggy... I wanted to be the one to hunt down that wanker. I want to know why the fuck he sold you and James out!"

"Sirius," Lily hissed, glaring at him, "Don't swear like that in front of Harry!"

Harry flew over to her and let go of the broom to raise his arms at her, "Mum-muh?" She reached out and picked him up, pulling him close. The broom dropped and clattered on the hard floor.

"Come on, Moony, I need a fag and we should bring in some more furniture. It looked like it was going to snow earlier," Sirius said. His posture was stiff when he stood and Lily could tell he was angry. Remus offered her a sad little smile and patted Harry on the head as he stood and walked past them. Harry watched them go out the door before turning to her.

"Dada?" He looked so hopeful.

She couldn't bring herself to say anything but, "Dada's not here, baby."

 *** . * . ***

Later that night, Lily put Harry, drowsy and recently bathed, into his new crib. "Your daddy loved you, sweetheart," she whispered, "and he did everything he could for you. Your daddy was an amazing man." She paused to run her fingers through his hair. He'd already fallen asleep. "James was a great father and you're going to grow up to be so much like him... maybe without all the pranking."

A soft snigger came from the doorway. She ignored it.

"We love you, Harry. Mummy loves you, Dada loves you. Uncle Moony and Uncle Padfoot love you too, baby." She looked down at her sleeping son and took a deep breath. When she spoke again, it was for the person standing at the door. "I don't ever want to be apart from him; I worry that something bad's going to happen every moment I can't see him. And at night, I hear... I hear..." She whimpered and closed her eyes, trying to keep the tears back. She'd cried so much already. "I don't even remember what his last words were. All I remember is hearing that monster say the Killing Curse and James's body hitting the floor." Tears slipped past her eyelids and gathered on her lashes.

Warm arms wrapped around her and turned her around; she felt the soft touch of wool on her cheek and smelled rain and knew it was Remus holding her. "We're here, Lily. I know we're not James but we're here." He leaned down and pressed his face against her head.

She hiccoughed once and held her breath, scared that she would start sobbing and wake Harry.

"Come on," he murmured, turning her again and guiding her out of the room by a hand on her shoulder. He followed into the dark sitting room where she went to the couch and sat in the corner. He pulled her close and she tucked her feet under her and laid her head on his shoulder.

She didn't know how long they sat there. She gasped and hiccoughed again and again as she tried to control her sorrow. He rubbed her back. "Let it out, Lily, you're only going to give yourself a headache if you hold it in like that. Cry. I shut the door behind me; you won't wake him up."

It took a long time for her to relax enough for the gasping to stop and by then she was spent.

He, however, wasn't. "Do you know why Sirius changed the subject so abruptly earlier?"

She nodded. "He doesn't want to go to Azkaban because he's an Animagus but the only way to give the Aurors anything close to a lead is to tell them so they know to look for Wormtail."

He nodded and tensed; she felt the movement in his shoulder.

"What do we do?" she asked.

"I don't know," he answered, his voice low and quiet in the darkness.


	4. Decisions

The following Saturday, Lily took Harry up to Hogsmeade to visit with Professor McGonagall. McGonagall had reached out to her and expressed her condolences and offered a shoulder to cry on and an empathetic ear should she need or want to speak with another widow.

"Oh, Harry, don't put that in your mouth; it's dirty," Lily scolded lightly as she pulled whatever random thing he'd picked up off the floor and brought toward his mouth. He looked up and frowned at her for taking it. "Dirty; yucky."

"Uck, uck, uck," he repeated and toddled toward Madam Rosmerta.  
Lily closed her eyes. "That was a bad word choice," she muttered, turning to look at McGonagall who had chuckled lowly.

"With Sirius Black around, he's bound to pick up some bad language eventually. I remember taking so many points for foul language," she said, shaking her head. "Though he got rather creative with it; half the time I didn't want to take the points." 

Lily saw the opportunity in the conversation to bring up one of the things that was bothering her. "Professor—"

"Please, Lily, call me Minerva. You're not a student anymore," she corrected. She let a small smile grace her lips as she leaned in her chair to watch Harry run to catch a ball Rosemerta had conjured and rolled across the floor.

"Minerva," Lily tried again, "I was curious if you knew the penalty for not registering to become an Animagus." She tried to be as quiet as possible even though they were practically alone in the bar; it hadn't been a Hogsmeade weekend for the students.

Minerva turned back to her and the lines around her eyes deepened. "Up to a year in Azkaban, I believe, unless some other crime has been committed. Though the severity of the sentence is mostly up to the Head of Magical Law Enforcement." Lily worried at her bottom lip and Minerva nodded. When she spoke again, her voice was quieter even than Lily's had been. "I suspected those boys had done something dangerous like that. What's this about? Why bring it up now?"

Lily's brow furrowed before she realised that Minerva had only suspected James and Sirius. "James, Sirius, _and_ Peter..."

Her former professor's eyes widened in understanding. She nodded and finished the thought, "And the authorities won't catch Pettigrew without knowing what all three of them did." She took a deep breath and seemed to contemplate what she would say next. While she did, she followed Harry with her eyes. He charged towards his mum and shrieked in laughter as he rushed into her legs. Lily reached down to tickle him a bit, causing him to shriek again and turn and run back to Rosmerta. "I think if he comes forward with as much information as possible they might show leniency. He can just say they did it for fun and to see if they could do it. He shouldn't have to give up the real reason they did it."  
Lily nodded, knowing that the less attention on Remus the better, especially considering how he'd just applied to work maintenance at the Ministry. "Thank you." 

"Of course," she answered. "Master Potter," she said, calling Harry. Harry turned, not because he recognised his name, but because she'd spoken loudly. "Are you being a good boy for your mum?"

"Mum-muh," he said bouncing his head up and down. He walked over and Minerva slipped from her chair to kneel on the floor. She held out her arms and he came close to her and hugged her.

"Aww, thank you, sweet child. You behave for your mum-muh, all right?"

"Mum-muh," he repeated.

She kissed him on the head and stood, her skirt fluffing around and bumping against Harry who flinched back from the fabric and dropped to his bum before laughing. Minerva smiled again. "Take care, Lily, and I'm just an owl away if you need me."

"Thank you for everything, Prof—" she interrupted herself, "Minerva."

 *** . * . ***

Lily was standing at the sink hand washing the dishes after dinner and listening to Remus and Sirius talk. Harry was in his high chair still playing with his portion of dinner and in need of a bath. She wanted to bring up what she'd talked with Minerva about but she was having a hard time coming up with what she wanted to say.

Her nose twitched as she smelt the cigarette smoke waft into the kitchen from where Sirius was sitting next to the fireplace. When she'd been at Hogsmeade earlier it had started to snow and by dinner, the temperature had dropped close to freezing. She didn't blame Sirius for not wanting to go out into the nasty weather to smoke.

Lily finished with the last dish and dried her hands before she turned and knelt to get Harry out of his high chair for bath time. As she lifted the tray and unbuckled him he started screaming. "Dada!" Lily pulled back from him at first but then reached for him again when he started flailing his arms and legs. "Dada! Dada!"  
She sat back on her heels. It had been less than two weeks, how could she have forgotten so quickly that after dinner was James's time with Harry. Harry had finally had enough of Mummy. He wanted his Dada time.

She reached out for him again to try and soothe him. He was blurry and she realised his screams for James had caused her to cry. "Harry, shh. Harry, baby, Mummy's here, Mummy's..."

She felt a strong, warm hand rest on her shoulder and out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sirius press his fag into the metal of the kitchen sink before dropping it in the trash. He blew his last breath of smoke over his shoulder and rubbed his hands on his trousers. "Come on little man, let's see if we can't get you cleaned up," he said reaching for Harry and pulling him right out of the chair, legs still flailing. Sirius rocked back and forth on his feet, dancing a little with Harry who had started to quiet down, though now he'd begun to cry instead of scream and his little sniffles punctuated his cries for James.  
Sirius turned and headed toward her ensuite washroom, snuggling Harry despite his messy face and hands from dinner. "It's okay Harry, we're going to have some fun for bath time, okay baby?"

Lily dropped her chin to her chest and let the sobs come. Remus helped her up and sent her into the family washroom to take a shower herself. When she was done, washed with Sirius's soap and bundled in her warmest flannel pyjamas, she sat on the couch holding an equally clean and bundled up Harry.

Sirius sat on the armchair facing them and Remus sat on the other end of the couch. "He just misses his Dada, that's all."

"I know," Lily said. "After dinner bath time was always James's time with him. And we'd alternate bedtime reading. I haven't done that either since Halloween." 

"Well you better," Sirius said, though his tone indicated he was teasing, "My godson has to know the hero conquers the dragon at the end of the fairy tale." He paused and glanced at Remus, "That's a Muggle fairy tale, right? Hero, dragon, princess in a tower, sort of thing."

Lily cracked a smile and Remus chuckled and answered, "Something like that." They sat together enjoying the company without speaking as Harry drifted off to sleep. "I think you should confess to being an Animagus to the Aurors, Sirius," she whispered.

He looked up from his study of the floor at her words. He didn't speak but he worried his bottom lip between his teeth and glanced at Remus. "You too?" he asked.

Remus nodded stiffly.

"I want them to catch Wormtail," Sirius said by way of an answer. They lapsed back into silence.

Remus shifted on the couch and stood. "Want me to take Harry and put him in his crib?" Lily glanced down at her sleeping boy and kissed his forehead lightly. She nodded and sat up to hand off Harry to Remus. "Good night," he said.

"Night Remus," she responded.

"Night Moony," Sirius said. He was still distracted, looking out the window at the snow illuminated by the large waning moon. After another minute or two, he looked at her and frowned. "Should have thought about cold nights like this when we arranged the furniture. Would have been nice to have a fire going but with the couch in front of it, we wouldn't have felt much heat."

She gave him a little smile and shrugged. "The heating in the flat works fine."

"I know, but there's just something about a blazing fire," he said. He cleared his throat and changed the subject. "I added your name to my vault at Gringotts. You know... just in case."

"You didn't have to do that, Sirius, James left us with plenty."

He nodded and looked back out the window. "I know. It makes me feel better to know that you and Harry'll be taken care of, no matter what. I would have added Remus but he told me years ago that if I did he'd hex me sideways."

She got up and closed the distance between them to give him a partial hug, resting her head against his. She didn't know what to say. "Night," she muttered before she went to her bedroom.

As she got ready for bed she sighed. She missed James all the time but at night was the worst. Climbing into an empty, cold bed and knowing his side would still be empty and cold in the morning made her heart ache. What she wouldn't give to just have him hold her again. She blinked back the tears and peaked in Harry's crib once more before she crawled into bed and pulled the covers up over her shoulders.


	5. Confession

It took Sirius a week before he found the courage to contact the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. He wasn't arrested immediately but given an appointment time for a small hearing in front of a partial Wizengamot. Remus and Lily, with Harry in tow, came to sit in the visitors' section with him.

He was asked to sit in the chair in the middle of the floor facing the high seats of the Wizengamot and as soon as he sat down, chains snaked out and wrapped around his wrists and ankles. Just seeing him sit there and struggle with being tied down made Lily's heart clench. What had she done?

The Head Auror of Magical Law Enforcement was Barty Crouch and his narrow moustache seemed to twitch when he read the short briefing on his podium. He leaned forward to glare down at Sirius. "This partial Wizengamot has gathered to hear evidence regarding Sirius Black and information regarding Peter Pettigrew, who is charged with conspiracy to commit murder and breaking of a Fidelius Charm," Crouch spoke, explaining to the six other people sitting around him in violet robes.

His companions all nodded and looked down to Sirius.

"Well?" Crouch said, impatience clear in his voice.

"During our time at Hogwarts, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and I became Animagi for fun. We did not register at the time. I'm coming forward now to register and to expose Pettigrew because otherwise, Aurors won't know what to look for," Sirius said. His voice wasn't steady, Lily could hear it waver in his anxiety. He was terrified of Azkaban.

The seven violet-clad members of the Wizengamot whispered to themselves for a few minutes before one of them asked, "And what form does your Animagus take, young man?"

"A large black dog. Sort of looks like a mix between a shepherd and a wolf."

"And the identifying markings?"

"Wavy, black fur."

The questioner nodded and wrote down something on the paperwork in front of him. "And your friend, Peter Pettigrew, whom you claim was the one who betrayed the Potters."

"He did. The four of us decided that it would better if he were the Secre—"

"What is his Animagus form?"

"A light brown rat, about six inches in length with a thick ropy tail just as long."

"And his identifying marks?"

"The light brown colour of his fur and overly large ears."

The questioner scratched a few more things onto the parchment in front of him and nodded, sniffing once before looking back at Crouch.

Crouch had spent the short interview glaring between Sirius and Lily, his lip curled in disgust as he watched her. He twitched his moustache again and looked at his fellows. After another minute of silence, he seemed to come to some sort of answer for himself. He looked back down at Sirius.

"And have you committed any crimes with your Animagus form?"

"We played pranks on people while at Hogwarts and I used my Animagus form for reconnaissance missions for the Order of the Phoenix," Sirius answered.

Lily shifted Harry to her other hip and he babbled a little before laying his head back down. Remus reached over and laid his hand on her knee. The contact helped ease her worry but didn't alleviate it. She could see what a horrible idea this was just by the way Crouch was glaring. He didn't like the mark against his reputation for arresting an innocent man and now that Sirius was admitting to a crime, albeit something minor, it was the perfect opportunity to prove his reputability.

Crouch cleared his throat and raised his head as if he were giving a speech to an entire assembled body rather than less than a dozen people. "Failure to register with the Ministry regarding an Animagus form can be charged with a small fine or up to a year of punitive measures at the discretion of the Head of the DMLE. I sentence Sirius Black for the maximum penalty of one year in Azkaban for the crime." He banged his gavel once and said, "Case dismissed!"

As soon as he banged the gavel four members of the assembled Wizengamot started shouting at Crouch. Even she and Remus had stood, jostling Harry a little who woke up and added to the noise. Crouch just stood and swiftly left the room as two Aurors headed directly to Sirius, still chained to the chair. As they unchained him, pulled him to his feet, and bound his hands, he turned and looked over his shoulder at her and Remus. His eyes were wide and he'd paled in his fear but when he was nudged by the Auror beside him he turned and walked of his own accord out of the room. No matter how scared he was, he was too proud a person to be dragged out.

"No, no, no," Lily said, not even sure what was going on. She felt Remus put his arm around her shoulder as she sunk back down into her chair, feeling dizzy and lost as she remembered how scared Sirius had been through the whole ordeal. She thought for sure he would have just been given a fine or a month or two in Azkaban, which was bad enough, but an entire year? The regret she felt at pushing him welled up in her and she closed her eyes and leaned against Remus. What had she done?

 *** . * . ***

Lily had felt mechanical for the rest of the day. Every motion she made felt stiff and rote, from cooking the spaghetti to feeding Harry and eating. By the time he'd fallen asleep, clean and comfortable in his crib, she was exhausted from worrying. She sat on the couch and Remus settled down next to her. He reached out and held her hand and they sat like that in silence for a long time.

Lily wanted to sleep. She wanted to go to bed and pretend it was all a nightmare and when she woke up James would kiss her and Sirius would bang the back door open on his way back in after his morning smoke. Yet deep down, she knew she'd never get that back. She wanted to think that those times were easy and looking back on them did cast them with a hue of carefree colour, but she knew that just like now, those moments she was thinking of were just tiny reprieves of the worry and paranoia that had consumed their lives. It had been war.

And now she was lost.

"It's my fault," she whispered, still staring at the empty armchair that Sirius had claimed and sprawled over in the two weeks they'd lived here. In her periphery, Remus had jerked beside her. She was sure he hadn't been sleeping but had been just as lost in his thoughts as she was hers. "It's my fault. For choosing Peter as Secret Keeper... For asking Sirius to register. For having Harry in the first place..."

Remus squeezed her hand tight and when he spoke his voice sounded thick like he'd been holding back tears. "Don't you ever regret having Harry. Ever, do you hear me? Harry is—" he paused and rubbed at his face. "Harry is wonderful and a joy. He's evidence that James Potter lived and loved you and... No, just don't. You can shoulder some of the blame regarding the decision of Peter for Secret Keeper but not all of it. You can split the blame with me about urging Sirius to register, but you can't have all of it, got me? I want some of that blame too."

She looked over at him and couldn't help but crack a smile. "I get it." She laid her head on his shoulder and focused on the warmth from him where their bodies touched. "We'll get through this, right? It's only a year."

She felt him nod but didn't look at him. Lily closed her eyes and let her worry and exhaustion sweep over her. They fell asleep on the couch sitting next to each other.


	6. Blue Christmas

The following weeks passed by Lily in a rush and it honestly surprised her when she got an owl from Molly Weasley asking if she would like to join the Weasleys for Christmas in a week. She'd only met Molly Weasley in passing because Molly's older brothers, Fabian and Gideon Prewett, had been part of the Order before Death Eaters killed them. In the owl, Molly had mentioned that she had a twenty-one month old and a four-month-old as well as a few older children. Lily couldn't imagine having so many children so close in age. At sixteen months, Harry was a handful all by himself.

"So, are you going to go?" Remus asked after she mentioned the owl at dinner.

She scooped a bit more food onto a spoon and held it out for Harry. "I don't know. I mean, it doesn't say anything about bringing you..."

"If you want to go, then go. I don't have to come with. I can find something else to do for Christmas."

"No," she whispered without looking at him. She waited while Harry chewed. "No, you're hurting and just as alone as I am. If you're not invited..."

She heard him set down his glass. "Do you want to go?"

She let her gaze slip over Harry's head to look at the wall while she thought about it. Harry banged his hand on top of his high chair when he was ready for another bite. She scooped up another spoonful and offered it to him, opening her mouth to encourage him to open his. He didn't really need the encouragement but it was habit. Finally, when she couldn't stall anymore she sighed and looked back to Remus. "No, not really. I just want Christmas to be us. It feels too soon to be celebrating anything. I don't want to think about having to get gifts for anyone other than Harry."

He nodded. "I think that's a perfectly acceptable answer and she probably will too." He glanced down at his wristwatch and frowned. "I've got to go to work. Do you need anything before I go?"

Lily frowned. She understood his need to work. He hated feeling like he was someone's charity case; he'd been like that since school. "I think we'll be okay. You tired him out with all that play earlier."

"All right," he said. He stood and took his plate to the sink. He gave her a small smile and left through the Floo. They had learned the hard way that Harry didn't like hearing goodbye and would throw a tantrum if someone said it and then tried to leave. It was easier to just walk away and not bring it to Harry's attention.

Lily finished feeding Harry and nibbled on her own dinner even though hers had already gone cold. She left everything on the table and picked him up, frowning again when he grabbed her hair with his dirty hands. She sighed. "Should have put it up, huh?"

 *** . * . ***

Christmas morning dawned cold but without rain or snow. Lily stretched and marvelled at the thin beam of sunlight coming through her window. Normally she was up too early to see sunshine in her room. She frowned and looked over at Harry's crib. He wasn't there. She tried not to panic and instead closed her eyes and listened.

She could just make out her baby's giggle and the quiet swish sound his toy broom made. There was a quiet rumble that she identified at Remus's voice and Harry giggled again. Lily took a deep breath and tried to bury her unhappy feelings. She wanted Harry's Christmas to be joyful and happy despite not having two of their family with them.

She stretched and felt her back pop before she climbed from her bed. She didn't bother to brush her hair or dress so when she stepped out of the bedroom and was blinded with a flash, the photograph that slipped out of the Muggle Polaroid camera Remus held was of her in thick flannel blue and white pyjamas and mussed red bedhead.

"Remus," she whined, somehow feeling both frustrated and pleased that he'd taken her picture and captured her candid. He was grinning and his mirth seemed contagious. She grabbed for the camera and he let her have it with only a little protest, letting her take his picture of his faked annoyance. After she was satisfied with the still image that faded into view on the small, square film she set the camera down on the counter. "I didn't know we had a Polaroid."

"It was my present for Sirius for his birthday but he said he didn't want presents so I set it aside. I thought I'd just gift it to him for Christmas," Remus answered. He turned and scooped Harry up mid-air as the boy flew past, the toy broom clattering to the ground. Harry squawked in protest and wiggled but as he found himself upside down in Remus's grip, he started giggling. Lily danced over to tickle Harry and couldn't help but smile with him as he shrieked with laughter. After a few moments of tickling, Remus righted the boy and held him at his hip. "Say 'Good morning, Mummy.'"

Harry reached for her instead and babbled, "Mum-muh, Mum-muh." Remus handed him over and Lily swayed with him in her arms, only then noticing the soft notes of Muggle Christmas music playing from the sitting room. She raised an eyebrow at Remus, who just shrugged at her, and followed the sound.

The sitting room had been redecorated overnight. The small bits of green sprigs that she had put in a vase on the low table looked paltry compared to the large fir tree that stood in the corner of the room decorated in simple strings of popcorn and fairy lights. Underneath the tree, there were a few colourful boxes.  
She looked at Harry in her arms and smiled at his happy face. "Happy Christmas, baby," she whispered to him. She set him down and he ran back behind her to Remus who had brought the toy broom back with him. He handed Harry the broom and Harry mounted it and took off, flying as fast as the little toy would go, swooping and laughing as the broom dipped him.

"Happy Christmas, Lily," Remus said, looking at her.

"Remus, you didn't have to do this—"

"I wanted to. It's... It's different having a little bit of money around Christmas. I get to buy things I don't normally. The tree, the stereo."

Lily looked at the large, clearly Muggle stereo against the wall. "How did you even... Aren't you worried about magic interference?" she asked, shaking her head in disbelief. Before he could answer she added, "And who did you buy the stereo for?"

"That's everyone's present. Yours and Harry's are under the tree. As for magical interference, I did some basic shielding on it and as long as you don't use magic directly on the stereo it should be fine. Sort of how the kitchen appliances are okay in a semi-magical dwelling."

Lily just shook her head again and moved to sit on the couch. She watched Harry fly around the rooms, content with the toy he'd received five months ago. Remus slipped out of the room and back in with a tea tray and set it down on the table in front of her. They enjoyed a quiet morning watching Harry fly.

When Harry was done with flying, Remus presented him with a wrapped box. Lily helped tear a little piece of wrapping paper from the top and Harry was happy to continue to tear it down the side. The present inside was wooden shape-sorting blocks that were painted different colours. Each time they were returned to their bucket in the right slot, a puff of smoke in the same colour would waft up from the bucket and a voice that sounded remarkably like Remus's would say the name of the colour.

Lily smiled as Harry picked up the blue cylinder and slid it into the bucket. The puff of vapour was a dark royal and it reminded Lily of the Ravenclaw House banners at Hogwarts. _'Blue!_ ' Remus's voice said with enthusiasm. Harry squealed in excitement and picked up a second block, this one a pink triangle. He tried once to put it through the round hole and it wouldn't go no matter how hard he pushed. He got up and walked back to his toy broom.

Both Remus and Lily laughed. "Well, that's more attention than he gave the shape-sorter Bathilda got him on his birthday," she said. It was one of several toys that they'd had to give up as gone because half the pieces were under debris in the blown-out nursery at the house in Godric's Hollow.

"He might come back to it when it's bed time. I had fun charming it in any case."

"The puff of vapour in different colours was a trick James always did for him. Never would tell me the spell. That was always a James-Harry special. I'm glad someone else knew it."

"James and I made it."

Lily looked up from Harry, who hadn't got back on his broom but sat next to it on the floor petting the bristles like it was a pet. "Really?" Remus hummed a noise of affirmation. "So will you tell me the incantation?" she asked. She had a feeling she knew the answer.

"Nope," he said as he handed her a small wrapped box, "Marauder secret."

"Does Sirius know it?"

"Naturally."

She chuckled and looked at the blue and white wrapping on the box in her lap. She took a deep breath and unwrapped it slowly, sliding her finger under the tape and pulling so as to not rip the paper.

"Just rip it, Lily," Remus said, his voice teasing.

"No. It's pretty and we might be able to reuse it next year."

"Do you realise how old that makes you sound?" he asked.

"Yes, I know," she said, "It's habit. My mum did the same thing." She finally pulled the last of the paper off the box and opened it. Inside was a medium sized plush teddy bear with reddish-brown fur. There were two homemade felt stuffed antlers attached to the top of its head. It made her smile. She glanced in the box and pulled out the slip of card that was sitting on the bottom.

 _Because I couldn't find a big enough deer. -Love, Remus_

Lily chuckled a little and dabbed at her eyes. "Thank you."

"I know it's not James to cuddle, but I thought something might be better than nothing. We can always spritz it with James's cologne."

The tears she was trying to blot away spilt down her cheeks. She could only nod her thanks again because she was afraid if she opened her mouth she'd start crying again and she wanted Harry to have a good, happy Christmas. Remus looked away to watch Harry while she calmed herself.

"There's more presents, Harry," he said, offering a small box to lure the child closer. Harry obediently came and stood next to him. He helped rip the paper, glancing once at Lily and smiling, before letting Harry take the box. Inside was two small plush toys. One was a reddish-brown deer and the other was a black dog. There wasn't anything particularly special about them to Harry but they had special meaning for the adults. Harry looked at Lily with slight confusion-what sort of toy were these? They didn't make noise or change colour or move. Lily hugged the teddy bear on her lap, exaggerating her movements by shifting side to side, and Harry followed. He hugged the plush deer and dog to his chest and brushed his face against the fur of one. It must have tickled because he giggled and did it again. Despite having quite a few more toys by dinner time Harry had started carrying around the fluffy plush dog.

While Remus cooked dinner, Lily sat at the counter and kept him company. It had been a quiet day and no matter how many times she tried to tell herself that she wanted the day to be a happy one for Harry, she couldn't push the sorrow and loneliness from her heart. James would have made the day fun and loud and joyful, but she just couldn't capture the enthusiasm he had.

The only sound in the kitchen at the moment was the light meal on the cooker sizzling. Lily and Remus heard the sound of the Floo activating. At first, it was only once and they both froze where they were to listen for the guest. When there was no other noise except the Floo activating again they both shared a look and moved into the sitting room. When the Floo activated a third time they found the reason.

Harry was sitting on the floor behind the sofa and in front of the fireplace with the ceramic dish of grey Floo powder broken on the floor between his legs and every so often he would dig his hands deep into the half pot that was left and throw the dust into the coals. A flash of green flames would burst up the back wall of the fireplace and make the loud swoosh noise they associated with Floo travel.

"Harry, how did you get that?"

He giggled and threw another handful of powder towards the fireplace. Lily sighed and bent to pick up her son, lifting him around the shards of ceramic and dusty grey powder. "Are you going to have two baths tonight? One before dinner and one after?" she asked him. He clapped his hands and dust billowed up into their faces. "I suppose that answers that." She glanced back down at the broken pottery and then looked back up to the mantle where it had sat. "Do you think he climbed or magicked it down?"

Remus looked up at her and then at the fireplace. He reached out and pointed to the carved designs in the wood. There were black scuff marks on the white paint that matched Harry's trainers. "Climbed."

"Is that normal?" she asked, biting her lip.

"Is what normal?"

"Shouldn't he be showing magic yet?"

"Lily he's not even two. Most of us start showing signs of accidental magic around four or five. It's when he's seven or eight and hasn't shown any that we should start to worry. But I don't think there's anything to worry about. He's magical."

"You don't know that."

He rolled his eyes as he stood. He pulled his wand and repaired the pottery and then used a spell to sweep up the Floo powder. "Before Harry was born, James, Sirius, Pe—and I discussed squibs. Did you know that squibs generally only occur in pureblood families? Half-bloods and Muggle-borns don't have them. Even then, squibs are rare in pureblood families."

She nodded as he set the newly repaired pot of Floo powder back on the mantle and set a temporary Sticking Charm on it. She took Harry to the washroom and gave him a quick wipe down with a wet flannel. "You'll get regular bath time after dinner, all right?" she told him as she cleaned him. He babbled back and tried to take the wet cloth from her. She let him and he clumsily wiped at her face with it. "Thank you, baby."

After dinner and bath time, Harry fell asleep easily and Lily put him to bed. She sat out in the sitting room with Remus drinking a mug of hot chocolate and listening to Christmas music on very low. Remus had also given her a mixed tape of some of James's favourite songs but she didn't think she could handle listening to that just yet.

There was a sudden scream from her bedroom and Remus was up and off the couch faster than Lily could even react. She wasn't too far behind him as they rushed to the bedroom. Harry was standing in his crib, his face scrunched up and red as he bawled. Remus picked him up and snuggled him close. Harry's screams quieted and he hiccoughed and gasped, pressing his little face into Remus's shirt.

Lily put a hand to her chest and tried to calm her racing heart. Hearing him scream had terrified her. She looked around the room determined to find what had caused him to scream but didn't see anything out of the ordinary. Maybe the plushies sitting on top of the toy box nearby?

"I think he had a nightmare," Remus murmured as he continued to rub Harry's back. He swayed on his feet and headed back toward the sitting room. The closer they got, Harry became more wiggly and upset. It wasn't until Remus was standing in the sitting room across from the dark fireplace that he froze. Lily almost ran into his back before she stepped away from him.

Remus turned right around and returned to the bedroom.

"Remus, what's going on?"

"The Floo," he said, his voice thick like he was upset, "the colour green it flashes."

Lily felt goose bumps rush up her arms and back. She knew intellectually that the Killing Curse's spellfire was green but she'd never witnessed it herself. She'd only been in four of five skirmishes before she'd found out she was pregnant and then been taken off the roster for the Order of the Phoenix. Remus, however, had seen the Killing Curse. Had seen it take down Dorcas Meadowes and the Prewett twins after they'd been hemmed in by overwhelming numbers.

Remus settled on her bed, resting his back against her headboard. He didn't disturb the antlered teddy bear on James's side. He continued to rub Harry's back and then he started humming. Lily could only watch and try not to cry again. Her baby had had a nightmare about his attempted murder. It horrified her and she had no idea how to fix it aside from comforting him and she couldn't even do that at the moment. She moved around the bed and set the teddy on the far nightstand. She climbed on the bed and sat next to Remus, resting her head on his shoulder. She watched Harry's face as he settled and let Remus's rumbling hum soothe her and her child to sleep.


	7. After-moon Care

The entire month of January seemed to pass Lily by in a blink. The only two things that stood out in her mind were the full moon and her birthday. The full moon had come upon her by surprise. Remus had told her two days before that he'd be going someplace safe during the upcoming Saturday and she'd stared at him blankly before he'd ducked his head and mentioned the full moon.

"I'm sorry. I forgot," she had answered and looked back to the cooker where she'd been focused before.

"Forgot it was the full moon or forgot I was a werewolf?" Remus had asked, his tone almost teasing.

"Forgot you were a werewolf. You're just Remus to me."

"I suppose I'll take that as a compliment. Even Sirius and James would bring it up in conversation like it was something I should be reminded about weekly. With you, I can go almost the whole month feeling normal."

"Almost?" she had asked.

His answer didn't surprise her. "The days surrounding the full moon when my entire body aches don't let me forget."

The full moon passed, Remus came home, and life continued on. Lily had trouble getting out of bed some mornings, Harry got into everything, Remus worked nights. The last Saturday of the month had been Lily's twenty-second birthday and it had been the end of an eight-day crying-free streak. After getting surprise gifts in the form of food and books from Molly Weasley and Minerva McGonagall it had hit her hard that she had been widowed at twenty-one.

Before, everything had been a beginning. Leaving school, getting married, buying a house, having Harry. They were all the start of something wonderful and great. But it was nostalgia and rose-tinted glasses looking back. Leaving school had been scary. Getting married so young had been difficult. Buying a house had been nerve-wracking. Having Harry had been interlaced with fear about a prophecy and the likelihood of being hunted down and killed. And then it was all gone. Almost all gone.

Harry remained. She had cried on her birthday not just for everything and everyone she'd lost but for everyone she still had. She had Harry. And Remus. And Sirius would be home by the end of the year. Molly and Minerva were both surprising additions that she was grateful to have in her life.

Lily was more aware of the full moon in February. She tried to make plans to get Harry out of the house but the weather hadn't held out and by noon a torrential downpour had forced them back in from the park.

"Come on Harry, let's get some lunch. Maybe there's a kids museum we can go to later," she said. He just bounced in her arms and pulled away from her as soon as the door to the flat was open. He ran towards the sitting room, his shoes slapping the hard floor with every step. Before she had even set her keys down there was music playing from the stereo and she hurried into the room and turned the volume down, thankful the knob was still just out of reach and he hadn't turned it up higher than she'd left it. "We need to be quiet right now, Harry, Uncle Remus is in bed. He doesn't feel well. Come on, sweetie, get your blocks and you can play in the kitchen while I make sandwiches, okay?"

He frowned at her and reached up to press the on button on the stereo, obviously still wanting to listen to music. All he ended up doing was turning the stereo off. She debated unplugging the thing, just to make sure he couldn't turn it on without supervision but decided against it. She herded her son back toward the kitchen, carrying two different toys with her, hoping to keep him occupied and quiet for the few minutes she would need to make lunch.

She set the toys on the table but he immediately pulled them down and onto the floor, letting them drop and crash. She sighed but didn't scold him. He didn't understand why he needed to be quiet. The day after full moon the last two months had happened during the weekend and she'd taken him shopping or to church. Tuesdays were more difficult days to find things to do.

She glanced down at the half-made turkey and tomato sandwiches in front of her and wondered where her thoughts had taken her. A glance toward the table showed her Harry's toys but no Harry. She tried not to panic as she walked back through the flat. He wasn't in the sitting room, he wasn't in their room, though his bookshelf was messy. She was so unobservant lately she didn't even pause; the bookshelf could have been like that for the last month and she probably wouldn't have noticed. Lily even checked the two washrooms, hoping he hadn't decided that today was the day he'd start playing in the toilet. Thankfully he wasn't there either. Sirius's bedroom door had been magically locked against him to keep him out of mischief. That left one last room. She walked down the hall on quiet feet, listening. She could just make out Harry's voice. He was whispering.

She pushed the door open a little further and stood just outside the darkened room. She saw Remus sitting up on his bed and Harry beside him with one of his bedtime story books open on his lap. Harry was pointing to the pictures and whisper-babbling a story to Remus.

Remus looked ill. His normally beige skin was chalky white and seemed to hang off of him. There was an aching sort of pain in his eyes when he looked up at her. He wiggled his fingers in a little wave and Lily got the impression that that was the most he could do without wincing.

"Harry," Lily whispered, trying to get her son's attention without making too much noise. She'd learned in Hogwarts that after the moon Remus's hearing was particularly sensitive. It had been some of the only times that Sirius and James had been quiet.

Remus shook his head, "Finish making lunch first," he said. His voice was scratchy and hoarse and she knew it was from both howling and screaming.

"Do you want anything?"

"There's some leftover rare hamburgers in there with my name on them."

"I'll heat them up—" she started but he shook his head.

"Cold. Reheating cooks them too much."

She gave him a sad little smile and turned back to the kitchen. She finished the sandwiches and made up two trays and levitated them in front of her as she went back to his room. She set Remus's over his lap and set hers and Harry's on the nightstand. Harry made to crawl over Remus's legs to get to her and she leaned as far over as she could to scoop him up without touching Remus. Another one of those things she'd learned from the Marauders at Hogwarts during seventh-year. Everything hurt and any kind of touch made it worse.

They ate quietly with an oblivious Harry on her lap. The tomatoes made a mess of him but he didn't care. When Remus had finished he sat watching her feed Harry, though his eyelids drooped. Lily wiped Harry's hands and face and then sent him ahead of her out of the room, the trays they'd used in her hands.

"Lily," Remus said as she was almost through the door. She turned to look at him.

"I heard something at work yesterday," he said, tilting his head a bit, "People tend to ignore maintenance. The Aurors have officially shelved the search for Peter. They want everything to do with the war to be over and that was one of the last things. I'm sorry."

Lily was both livid and on the verge of tears instantly, she sniffed to control the waterworks and said, "You have nothing to be sorry about."

He just continued to watch her face and study her. After a moment he nodded.

"Get some rest," she said, then turned and followed her son out of the room, making sure to pull the door closed behind her.


	8. Harry's 1st Playdate

Molly reached out to Lily again near the end of the month with an invitation to her youngest son's second birthday. There was going to be a little gathering that afternoon but as a present to Molly, she was hoping Lily would join her for window shopping that morning.

Lily owled back and asked if Remus would be welcome and Molly said yes. So she gathered up Harry and a tote bag of everything he might need and she, Harry, and Remus travelled to the Burrow by Floo. Lily had worried that travelling that way would cause Harry to have more nightmares but Remus had said that as long as it was only once or twice for travelling he should be okay. The Floo wouldn't be changing colours anytime soon.

After a quick introduction to Molly's husband Arthur and a run down of all seven Weasley children's names and ages, which Lily didn't think she would ever be able to remember, the two women left all eight children in the hopefully capable hands of the two men.

They Apparated to the Leaky Cauldron. "So, what were you looking to buy today? Something for Ron's birthday, right?"

"Well, actually," Molly started as she hooked her arm through Lily's and guided her through the arch into the Alley, "I'm not really planning on buying anything. We tend to celebrate birthdays with favourite dinners and cake instead of toys. Better use of Arthur's earnings. This is more just a few hours to get out of the house without worrying about the children, you know. With Arthur working all day sometimes I don't get to talk with another adult for weeks."

Lily understood that feeling even though she'd always had James in the house and now only had to deal with Remus being at work at nights. Sometimes there just didn't seem to be enough air in the house.

"Well, if you find something you like, I'll get it for you. As a thank you for helping me get out of the house too, how's that?"

"I couldn't ask that—"

"You're not asking, Molly, I'm offering. Please?"

Molly stopped the slow stroll she had guided them on in front of the Magical Menagerie to look Lily in the eyes. Her brown eyes looked almost teary in gratitude. "Thank you."

"Thank you," Lily smiled and looked around. "Well, let's get this window shopping excursion under way and slip into Madam Malkin's."

Molly nodded and followed her.

Malkin's didn't have much in the way of clothing for adults since they catered to school children, but she did have a small section for toddlers. There were little robes in a multitude of colours and trims to choose from and Molly looked over each with wistful eyes. "We've always just shopped second-hand Muggle clothes for the children. They grow so fast that it's hard to keep up," she murmured quietly as she fingered the lacy trim on a sun-yellow set. "I know that if you spend extra, they have robes that auto-extend the hem, but there's only so much fabric tucked away for growth spurts."

Lily just listened. She'd always thought robes looked like dresses and had found it fascinating that wizards had worn them too. On days when students could dress casually, James and his friends had worn Muggle trousers. She'd never even imagined putting Harry in robes when around the house she and Remus wore Muggle clothes.

They went on to the next store, Flourish and Blotts, and shared book recommendations with the proprietor. Lily bought two mystery novels, thinking mystery would be a good, safe topic for her and she purchased a set of three werewolf-romance books for Molly. When she saw them, she decided she wouldn't be the one to let on that Remus was a werewolf to the other woman.

Molly pulled her up the stairs of an ink shop to a store she hadn't know was there. They sold yarns and knitting supplies. While they were browsing the colour changing wools and patterns, Lily told Molly about the baby blanket she had tried to make when she was pregnant. They had had to move and she'd thought she had lost it somewhere, but when Harry was born, James and his friends had gifted it to her. They had each worked on it together.

"That's a sweet story," Molly said when they had moved on to the bargain bin, "I'm sure you treasure that blanket now."

Lily smiled and agreed. She wanted to tell her friend that she would had it not been lost under layers of debris when the house exploded on Hallowe'en but she was worried Molly would take it upon herself to replace it and Lily wasn't sure she wanted it replaced. The idea of replacing it made her feel wrong and she knew it was silly but she couldn't help the way she felt.

Lily offered to buy yarn for Molly but she shook her head. "No thanks," she grinned. Once they were out of the shop, she explained. "We have a neighbour who has a daughter the same age as ours who owns some sheep as pets. When it's time for shearing, I get all the wool. I do all the washing, spinning, and dying myself."

"How do you even have the time for all that with all of your children?" Lily asked, hoping she wasn't being rude.

Molly laughed. "Oh, two or three times a week, after they're all in bed, I get an hour or two to myself. And once they get past three or four, they tend to want a little independence from me and play by themselves. The older boys help out with the younger ones and sometimes Percy will even ask to help spin yarn too. I think he enjoys the soothing task to focus on."

Lily almost asked why only thrice a week but then she remembered what she and James would do when Harry was finally sleeping through the night. She didn't let her mind linger with those thoughts for long. She missed James so very much.

When they returned to the Burrow, they seemed to walk into organised chaos. Remus was playing tag with the older boys while Arthur was holding a sleeping Ginny and supervising Harry and Ron's game of run-around. Every so often he would create light bursts and Harry and Ron would chase them in the other direction.

Watching them all made Lily feel warm inside.

"Mum!" one of the boys called. Lily smiled as the young boy ran to his mother and pushed up the glasses that had slide down his nose. "Did you bring us anything?"

"Not this time, Percy," she said quietly. "But we'll be having a party in an hour or so for Ron's birthday." Molly squatted down to whisper close to the boy's ear. "There will be cake!"

"But Ron will be asleep before then!" Percy whined.

"It'll be okay, sweetie. I promise."

Percy's prediction was true and both Harry and Ron had fallen asleep by the time the cake was served. Molly packed a few slices for Lily and Remus to take with them and they parted with smiles and promises to get together again soon. When Harry was in his crib for the night, Lily collapsed heavily on the couch. Remus brought her a cup of tea. She hid a yawn behind her hand.

"Thanks."

He smiled and nodded as he sat down in the armchair. "Are you as tired as I am?"

"Exhausted. How can she keep up with seven kids?"

He shook his head. "No idea. It wasn't so bad with just two or three of them, but the twins were so rambunctious... I don't know how they keep up. Especially when it's just her."

Lily took a sip of her tea before setting it down. She wanted to confess to him that she would have loved to have another child with James, but it was such a wasted wish. What she really wanted was to have more time with James, himself. Not that Harry or any other child wasn't worth it, but she missed James's easy laughter, his smiles, the feel of his body against hers at night. She let her mind wander to all the places she refused to let it go earlier and when her tea was gone she bid Remus good night. She cuddled the teddy bear with antlers close to her and cried quietly so as not to wake Harry.


	9. Bad Moon

Remus's birthday was a week later. Unfortunately, so was the next full moon. Remus had warned Lily that he might stay away on his birthday. The closer the full moon was to his birthday the worse it was. He had no explanation for it but enough evidence in the past to know he wouldn't be out of bed or worth company for a day or two after this month's moon.

Lily understood though she worried about him. She knew that she wouldn't be able to keep Harry quiet or out of the house all day.

On Tuesday, the day of the full moon, she bought steaks. She was careful to only cook Remus's steaks rare and she packed it up in a hamper with Stasis and Cooling Charms for the following day. She handed the hamper to him when he came to tell her good night.

"What's this?" he asked, though she thought he might have furtively sniffed at it after he asked.

"It's a birthday present."

He gave her a slightly pained grin before nodding. "Thank you."

"I wish there were more I could do."

"There's not."

"I can still wish. I hope this month surprises you and it's not as bad as you're expecting."

"Thanks. I'll see you later."

"All right."

And then he turned and walked out the door carrying the hamper of food. It wasn't until hours later when the moon was full and bright in the sky, illuminating Harry's crib, that she worried that he would hurt himself more trying to get at the food in the hamper. Maybe he would hide it from himself. She knew he usually went to a little cabin in the woods somewhere in Wales; a place his father had gifted him after Hogwarts. She remembered hearing him tell James it was because his father was worried their basement wouldn't hold a fully grown werewolf. She'd never been to the cabin but James had. He told her under no circumstance to ever repeat what he'd told her about it. It was more a shack than a cabin, only four rooms-kitchen, bedroom, toilet, and cage. Lyall Lupin had spent most of the family's money to contact a wizard metallurgist to create a cage that would contain an adult werewolf without having to chain him to a wall like they did at the Ministry provided werewolf-safe rooms. Remus still hated it and when James and Sirius were able to be with him, he hadn't used it, and they would run in the forest behind the cabin all night.

Lily went to bed and dreamt of chains and cages and screaming.

Remus's birthday was quiet except there was an owl that delivered a letter for him that bit her finger when she tried to take it. She bribed it with bacon and set the letter on the kitchen table at his spot. Unlike with Muggle post, there was never really any way to know who the letter was from until it was opened. She hoped nothing was wrong.

Harry was actually quiet on Remus's birthday, much to her surprise. She was so used to him being loud and laughing when he played she didn't know what to make of it. He did try to be close to her during the day but he played with his toys quietly most of the time. He fell asleep early that night. It wasn't until Lily was going to bed, that she started to feel worried for Remus despite what he'd told her about needing another day for recovery.

When a pop of Apparition woke Lily up the following morning she realised that she and Harry had both slept later than they normally did. She slipped her wand into her pyjama pocket, checked on Harry, noticing that he seemed restless and warm, and then went into the sitting room to see who was there. Remus was leaning heavily against the wall outside the door and he looked like he'd been in a fight. His face was bruised and his eyes were bloodshot. His shirt was in ribbons and it looked like he'd used it to bandage his arms. The stubble on his chin seemed like it would have needed a week to grow in rather than day and a half he'd been away.

She opened the door and he gave her that pained grin before heaving himself over the threshold. He stumbled and she stepped into him to hold him up. He groaned softly as her body came into contact with his but he let her help him into the flat. "What happened?"

"Hmm?" he asked once they were past the threshold. "Oh, you mean... rough moon."

"God, Remus, I had no idea."

"It is what it is."

She helped him down the hall into his bedroom but before she could help him get settled Harry started wailing from his crib. She paused halfway to the door before she turned back to Remus, torn between who needed her the most.

He made the choice for her and waved her away. "Go take care of Harry."

Lily was assaulted by the smell of vomit and poo when she returned to her room. "Oh, Harry," she muttered as she shallowed her breathing. When she picked him up, she noticed how hot to the touch he was. She panicked a bit before she took a deep breath to calm herself, ignoring the strong odours in the room. For a moment she had forgotten she was a witch. She pulled her wand from her pyjama pocket and vanished the sick and the visible mess of diarrhoea before taking Harry into the bathroom for a lukewarm bath. He quieted down once she got the soiled clothes off of him and sat still in the little bit of water she put in the bottom of the bathtub. She rubbed him down with a wet flannel and murmured the words of a lullaby her mother had sung to her when she was small. She rechecked his temperature after his bath and it had lowered a little, so she was satisfied. He was grumpy when she made him drink juice but fell asleep soon after.

There was a crash from Remus's room and she darted back down the hall to knock and open his door. He was sitting on the floor and rubbing his knee and at the soft whoosh from the door he looked up and grinned sheepishly at her.

"What are you doing out of bed?" she asked.

He tilted his head toward the wall he shared with the family washroom. "I wanted to get a shower, but it seems my bedside table wasn't happy with that idea." He offered her a grin at his sad joke and she rolled her eyes at him in exasperation. "I just lost my footing, that's all. Fell into the table. How's Harry?"

"Sick. Stomach bug, I'm thinking. Sleeping right now, though."

"After my shower, if you want to bring him in here, he and I can snooze together. I don't mind babysitting so you can have some breakfast. You look worn out."

"I don't know why."

He swallowed before answering. "You look like you were up all night worrying."

"Oh. Well, you didn't come home and I know you told me not to worry, but I couldn't help it."

"I'm not worth worrying over, Lily."

"Rubbish," she countered. "Do you need help up?" She asked. He stiffened for a moment like he wasn't expecting her offer before he relaxed again and nodded. She walked closer to him and could see the wounds on his forearms more clearly. Long, jagged gashes starting at his biceps and running down to his wrists. His trousers were also tinged reddish brown like he'd bled through the material. "What...?" she trailed off, not sure she knew what to ask much less if she wanted to know the answer.

"The wolf doesn't like being alone and trapped. Tends to turn on himself. Normally they're not as deep, but the full moons at the beginning of March are always worse than others. Like he knows it's my fault he's trapped and he wants to punish me more for it."

"Oh, Remus," she murmured. She reached her hands out to help him up. After he stood he wobbled and she caught his elbow to help steady him. He took a deep breath and then nodded.

"Thanks."

While he was in the shower, Lily tidied the kitchen and came across the post that had been delivered the day before. She picked it up and slid it into her pocket before going back to check on Harry. He was in need of a nappy change again and though she tried not to wake him up, by the time he was cleaned up and changed, he was awake. He was snuggly again, and content to lay his head on her as she swayed down the hall towards Remus's room.

Remus's hair was still damp but he had sat back down and propped himself up against the pillows. "I said I would snooze with him, but I'm not sure I could sleep anymore right now." He held his arms out for Harry but the tot didn't budge.

"You got a letter yesterday," she told him. She shifted Harry enough to reach into her pocket and handed it to him. While he opened it, she walked around and sat down against the headboard on the other side of the bed and nestled Harry between them. Harry turned and wiggled until he was lying mostly against Remus.

"Fu-" he started to say, dragging the sound out and looking at the child next to him. "Furballs," he said instead.

"What's wrong?"

"I was fired. Too many requests for days off with no explanation other than _too ill to work_."

Lily was shocked. "No," she whispered. She knew the feeling that welled up in her was pity and tried to stamp it down. He would not want her pity.

He took a deep breath before he shrugged. "I expected it. Telling them that I'm a werewolf would cause the same result. As much as I hated it, when I was on missions for the Order I didn't have to worry about it. I liked the war if only because it gave me steady work." He said. He frowned and looked away from her.

"What did you do for missions? No one knew."

His shoulders shifted like he gave the slightest chuckle. "I went undercover with werewolf packs. I was supposed to get close to Fenrir Greyback, but I wasn't trusted enough." He finally turned back to look at her. "I was supposed to find out information on Death Eater plans. All I got was led around by my tail."

"But you were trying. All I did for the Order was get pregnant and paint a target on our backs."

His brow furrowed. "What did I tell you about regretting things?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not saying I regret having Harry but you can't say he didn't make us a target. I might have found Divination interesting in school but now I absolutely hate it. If that madman hadn't believed in prophecy he wouldn't have targeted an innocent child."

Remus laid his head back against the headboard and sighed. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Not being close enough. Not being able to tell you what I was doing. Not being an option for the Secret Keeper."

"Dumbledore said you couldn't have been when we asked."

"What? Why?"

"He said..." this time it was her turn to turn away. She felt ridiculous for repeating it, even if she had believed it at the time. She didn't now. "He said because you're a werewolf it wouldn't have worked."

She looked back at him in time to see his jaw drop. "You believed him that werewolves don't have souls?"

"No! That's—that's not how he phrased it. He said you needed a fully human soul. It sounds ridiculous now and I hate that I... we... believed him then. At the time, it just made choosing who to trust the secret to easier. There were three options. Peter, Sirius, and Dumbledore, himself. Late at night I sometimes wonder if Dumbledore would have leaked the information at some opportune time had he been Secret Keeper. He's been helpful and kind but something in my gut tells me not to trust him. I think he would have left Sirius in Azkaban without a trial had I not been there to tell him the truth." She shook her head, "Ignore me. I'm raving like a luna—oh, I don't think I'll look at that word the same ever again."

Remus did chuckle this time. "Lunatic? Say it. I'm secure in my sanity even if I am ruled by the moon."

She grinned at his comment. Then Harry vomited. On Remus. She bit her lip to try and stop the inappropriate giggle that wanted to escape at the look on his face. He nodded and looked at Harry. "Ready for another bath, little man?" Harry frowned and opened his mouth to let out a wail only to cut off mid-noise to yack again.

"Oh," Lily gagged at the smell. "You take him and clean up. I'll get the bedding. And then I'm going to make breakfast."

Remus had swiftly stood and scooped up Harry, hurrying into the bathroom just in case there was another round. Through the open doors, she heard him say, "Lunch."

"Brunch," she countered, more to herself and the foul smelling sheets than anyone else.


	10. James's Birthday

Lily had thought she was done with crying when she found herself in tears again the night before James's birthday at the end of March. She had at least waited for Harry to fall asleep and Remus to go to work. He'd gone into the Muggle world and been hired to stock shelves in a grocery at nights. She wept silently and then put up a Silencing Charm on the bathroom and sobbed. Then she'd taken a long, hot bath and wept some more. Surely, if she could get it all out of her system now, she wouldn't cry tomorrow.

She was wrong. When she woke, the dream world faded and all she was left with was the image of James's face and the feeling of happiness and contentment. She rolled in her bed to look at his side and it took her brain a moment to catch up. Instead of James laying there, looking at her with love shining in his eyes, was an antlered teddy bear. It reminded her of the truth and she grabbed the bear. She tried to yank its ear off before she realised she would be more upset if she destroyed it and then she cuddled it to her and sobbed again.

It was sometime later when she had run out of tissues from beside the bed and her eyes felt puffy and her head ached that she noticed that Harry was being awfully quiet. She rolled back to look at his crib and he wasn't there. Panic welled up in her again before the abnormal quiet of the room settled her senses. Someone had put a Silencing Charm on her room. She assumed Remus had crept in and taken Harry and then silenced the room so her crying wouldn't distress her son.

With a heavy sigh, she stood and slipped into her ensuite to try and wash the misery away. Although the hot water felt good, she still felt miserable when she was done. She dressed and breathed as deeply as she could with her stuffy nose. When she opened the door, the charm on it broke and she heard Harry wailing.

Remus's voice was masked but she could hear the bass tones under it. She walked into the kitchen to find Harry sitting on a kitchen chair, hands clamped tight around the wooden seat, kicking and screaming.

"Look. Here's Mummy," Remus said, voice straining as he tried to remain calm through the temper tantrum. "Mummy's here, Harry, we don't have to go to the park."

Harry quieted momentarily upon seeing her before he starting screaming again. Lily couldn't help it when she winced, his volume painful even without her headache. "Harry," she said in a stern tone, not much louder than speaking volume. She remembered hearing James and Sirius comparing parenting style stories late one night when she was pregnant. Sirius's mum was constantly yelling and shouting, so much so, that when anyone, including the professors at Hogwarts, started yelling he automatically tuned them out. She didn't want to be that sort of mum, so she always tried to keep her temper and her volume even.

Harry looked up at her and raised his arms up to her; his hand were white where he'd held on so tightly to the chair. She leaned down and picked him up and he buried his head into her shoulder, snuggling tightly to her. "What's wrong?" When he didn't say anything, just clung tighter to her, she turned and looked at Remus for him to answer the question.

"I thought we could give you some space and that we could go to the park today. It's warm and the forecast said it wasn't supposed to rain until later. I'm not sure when he heard you, but he didn't want to leave because you're upset. At least, I think that's what he meant. There was some babbling and 'mum-muhs', 'bear,' and 'sad.'"

"When did you get him?"

"Early this morning. You were still asleep, I thought. You were cuddling with the bear I gave you."

She rested her head against Harry's before he started wiggling and tugging on her shirt. "I must have fallen asleep while I was crying. I thought I had been quiet enough," she told Remus. Then she pulled Harry away from her a bit to look at him in the face. "And no, you are not having that sort of breakfast. You haven't breastfed in months." He pouted, his bottom lip poked out and trembled. He tugged on her shirt again. "No," she said again and then more to herself than him, "That dried up six months ago," she mumbled.

Remus ducked his head and his ears turned a light shade of pink before Lily realised what she'd said. "Really, Remus? Mentioning breastfeeding makes you blush?"

He glanced up at her. "I... Sorry," he said, ducking his head again and turning to the fridge. "Would you like me to cook you something for breakfast?"

She sighed and squeezed Harry in a hug. "Yes," she answered, "I think breakfast would be good."

She relished in the feel of Harry snuggling close to her and breathed in the clean smell of his hair. It seemed thicker now, and it was getting long, curling into wisps below his ears. "Should we get his hair cut soon?" She asked randomly.

Remus turned to look at her with a mischievous smirk on his face. He glanced at Harry's head of messy black hair and then back at her. "You're asking a Marauder, you realise," he shook his head and his own hair fell around his face in a shaggy wave. "It's the look these days to wear it long plus we Marauders vowed to never cut our hair." She rolled her eyes and started to turn away, but he spoke again. "And he looks more like James with his hair messy like it is."

It felt like a rock had lodged itself in her throat as she tried to swallow it down. James had always been happy and joyful and enthusiastic, she shouldn't befoul his birthday with tears again. She closed her eyes and steadied her breathing, hoping not to cry again. Then there was warmth all around her as Remus hugged her and Harry to him. She heard his breathing hitch as he tried not to cry as well. She felt him rest his chin on the top of her head. He took another long inhale, more ragged than the last, before he spoke. "After breakfast, let's go to the park. And then maybe we can stop by the grocery store and pick up fairy cakes. James would have wanted fairy cakes on his birthday."

She nodded as best she could with his chin on her head and used her free hand to wipe her eyes and nose. "Okay. But with blue icing, so it stains our fingers and mouths."

He chuckled, "Yeah. He always loved the blue ones but would deny he ate any when he'd bring food back from the kitchens at Hogwarts. The evidence was right there on his fingers."

She smiled.


	11. Long Days

April passed by before Lily could really get a grip on it, her days a mix of toddler talk, potty-training, and general house-cleaning. It seemed to be a never-ending list of things to do. Even with magic, there were things that needed scrubbing or fixing by hand and she made good use of the small toolbox her father had gifted James when she married him. Even though he would get irritable because they couldn't leave the house, James helped her with things. Now she found there was so much more she had to do on her own. Despite working nights, Remus seemed to be out of the house more often with his new job and she was beginning to miss adult conversation.

She sprinkled salt and pepper into the bowl and followed it with an egg. Remus had made sure to mention that he would be home in time for dinner so she decided to make something that could be cooked to each person's desired doneness. Hamburgers. Easy enough to cook and something Harry had proved to like too.

She had just put both hands into the bowl to mix up the meat and egg and shape it into patties when Harry came running into the kitchen from the sitting room where he had been playing.

"Mumma, weewee!" He shouted, grabbing at himself.

She looked over her shoulder and down at him. "All right, Harry, you're a big boy, you can do this yourself. You did it all by yourself yesterday. Do you remember? First, you'll take off your pants and stand in front of the—"

"Mumma, weewee!" He said again, and then his face scrunched and he sighed. She smelled his urine before she saw the wet spot spread down his trousers.

"Oh, Harry," she said. She sighed and pulled her hands from the meat, reaching for a towel to wipe them clean.

Before she was through the motion, he said, "Yucky, wet," and pulled his trousers and pants completely off. The door opened as he balled up the wet fabric and trotted bare-bottomed to the rubbish bin and tossed them in.

"No, Harry, don't throw your clothes away; we wash clothes!"

Harry ignored her and ran in the other direction back to his toys.

An amused snort followed by footsteps revealed Remus, holding a large bag of takeaway. When Lily spotted it her shoulders slumped and she tipped her head back.

"Oh, no, I didn't mean... I'm sorry," he said once he got a look at what she was doing. "I wanted to treat you two, that's why I mentioned being home in time for dinner. I didn't mean I was expecting you to make it."

Lily inhaled the wonderful aroma of Chinese and smiled. "It's all right. It will keep a day in the fridge. I'll make hamburgers tomorrow." She wiped her hands off and went about looking for a suitable container to put the meat mixture in.

"What's going on..."

"Oh, I need to get his wet clothes out of the rubbish bin, he decided he'd break his potty streak and wet himself instead of being a big boy. I need to wipe him down and," she turned and called louder to Harry, "Harry, don't sit down on the furniture, go to the bathroom. We need to clean you off!"

"Long day?"

"You have no idea."

" _Accio_ camera!" He said, his wand slipping easily back into his pocket as the camera flew from the sitting room into his hands.

"Remus! Don't you—"

He held it up and snapped a photograph of her, hands raised with bits of hamburger still on them, hair frizzy and slipping from the tie she put it in earlier in the day. He set the photograph on the table and then turned and followed the sound of Harry talking to himself.

"Remus!"

"What?" he asked, teasing, "We've got to have some blackmail for later, don't we?"

She laughed and shook her head, before going back to the task, literally, at hand.


	12. Fortescue's

There was another flash and snap as Remus took a photograph of Harry and Neville sitting with fairy cakes in front of them. Harry was looking to the right, over Neville, at Lily and singing along with the happy birthday song she was trying to sing to them. No one was joining in but Harry. Neville wiggled and reached out a finger to touch the icing and tasted it. His eyes went wide like he'd never tasted sugar before and Lily laughed watching him.

"All right, since no one else is going to sing, go ahead," she told the boys.

Harry watched her for another moment before reaching forward and grabbing his cake, biting into it immediately. Lily was thankful she had the foresight to take the paper cases off first. Neville was slower to grab his cake and turned to look at his grandmother like he was asking for permission.

Augusta Longbottom, dressed in formal and very conservative grey linen dress robes, nodded once and little Neville carefully picked up his cake and took a dainty bite. Augusta was a tall, thin witch with wide hips and a hat with a large, stuffed vulture on it that scared Ron and caused him to cry.

Lily stood and picked up a napkin to wipe the icing from her fingers and step around the table at Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour where they had all gathered for a joint birthday party. It had originally been for Harry and Neville, since their birthdays were a day off from one another, but then Lily decided to invite the Weasleys since Molly had been kind enough to invite her, so the party was also to celebrate little Ginny's first birthday as well, since it was in less than two weeks.

Lily paused near Madam Longbottom to watch over the youngest boys, Harry, Neville, and Ron. Ginny was a little further away, enjoying her own taste of fairy cake. The older boys were at a table behind them, enjoying an ice cream treat instead of cakes. While they sat watching the children eat, Madam Longbottom cleared her throat and addressed her.

"You'll be remarrying soon, won't you?"

"Sorry?" Lily said, feeling she must have misheard the witch.

Madam Longbottom didn't mince words or repeat herself, instead, she continued on. "It's unseemly for a witch to be a single mother and—"

Lily had been having a good day. A good week even. She had gone nine entire days without crying. And now with a few sentences, she was on the verge of tears, though this time there it was from anger and not sorrow. "James hasn't been dead a year yet. Where do you get on—"

"You're already living with another man, though, are you not?" the elder woman replied and she stopped to pierce Lily with a look as if to say she knew the sorts of things men and women did behind closed doors.

Lily shook her head, sputtering slightly in shock. "Remus is one of James and my best friends, but that's—" at his name, Remus glanced up and met Lily's eyes. She wondered if he'd heard Longbottom's remarks and thought he might have, the full moon was less than a week away.

"Sure, and when friends turn to lovers and then you have a child out of wed—"

"Augusta!" Molly Weasley said loudly—louder than strictly necessary, but not chidingly, for that would have given away that she'd been eavesdropping—"Why don't you come over here and tell Arthur about that new legislation that's being talked about, something about Wizard-Muggle relations, right? And is Neville feeling all right? He's awfully quiet."

Augusta stood up straighter and looked down her nose at Lily before she turned to address Molly. "Little boys should be quiet and respectful."

"But he's, you know, developing properly? Hitting all the important milestones?" Molly asked, sidling closer.

Augusta made a scoffing sound that was a bit more delicate than outright snorting. "Sure, he's walking and talking, when appropriate. Already toilet-trained. Though he's much slower about learning all of those things than my Frank was. My Frank was an all-around little genius. Had a fit of accidental magic before his second birthday, my Frank did. Neville, here, is shaping up to be a cowardly, little squib. Every _milestone_ is at least three months behind everything my Frank did as a boy. Frank was such a good little boy. About the only thing Neville does with any decency is play in the dirt. If I can't find him in the nursery with the house-elf it's because he's pestered the thing into taking him out to the garden. He's always bringing a mess back inside, tracking mud through the halls. If it wasn't bad for his health, I'd have the elf Apparate him from the garden right to the bath."

Augusta's rant gave Lily enough of a moment to dry her eyes and step away to wipe Harry's mouth and fingers of icing. She heard the flash and snap of the camera going off again and looked up to smile at Remus who was flapping the Polaroid back and forth and explaining to Arthur again about the camera and why the pictures didn't move.

Lily put Augusta's words out of her mind. She didn't think of Remus like that at all and although she wasn't sure, she suspected he didn't think of her like that either. She'd have to ask.

 *** . * . ***

Lily held Harry's hand as they stepped out of Fortescue's. They hadn't gone more than five steps before he tugged and looked down, kicking his shoe. "Mumma, shoe," he said, kicking again to get his shoelace to fly and start to wrap around his ankle.

"Yes, your shoe needs tying. Hold still," she said as she knelt down. Her bag of stuff, as she'd dubbed it, which held everything, made a loud whump as it landed on the pavement beside her. The strap slipped off her shoulder as she reached down to tied the small trainer Harry had stepped out for her to reach. A slight shadow fell over her before a quiet voice said, "There's a spell for that."

"Oh, it's just habit for me and I reckon he ought to be..." she had started to answer before her mind had recognised the low pitched voice. She finished the bow on Harry's shoe and reached up to run her hand through his hair before looking up in the direction from which the voice had come.

Severus Snape stood several steps away, though, with the sun on the horizon, his shadow had fallen over her just the same. He looked severe, dressed from head to toe in all black, but in decent, well-fitting clothes that he must have purchased for himself. He looked like he had stepped out of the previous century with a long coat closed with a single row of buttons from his waist to his neck. He wore trousers, which struck her as odd, remembering him go on and on about how much better robes were over Muggle clothes when they were first-years. A pair of dragon hide boots peeked out from under the hem. Despite the warmth of the weather, he also wore a long cloak that billowed widely around him. She could see how the outfit suited him. This is how he would have presented himself if he had had the means as a child, sans trousers for robes, of course. She wondered, unkindly, if he was still paying off the loan he would have had to take out to purchase the ensemble.

She stood before addressing him, "Severus."

He paused and she was sure that if she could see beneath the black cravat at his throat she would have seen him swallow thickly. "Mrs Potter." She tilted her head and pursed her lips, visualising annoyance. His lips twitched in an almost-smile and the perfect posture disappeared. His eyes softened and there was a vulnerability in them when he said quieter than anything else, "Lily." But it was all gone in an instant and she might have thought herself insane for thinking she'd seen it because then he was sneering, back ramrod straight, eyes narrowed, watching something over her shoulder.

She felt the heat of someone's body as they stepped closer to her, felt the strap from her bag being trailed down her bare arm, and heard the material of the bag drag against the pavement as it was lifted without taking her eyes off Severus.

"Ready to go?" Remus said, to both her and Harry, before bending down and picking up Harry and securing him against his hip. He must have looked up then and noticed who was in front of her. "Snape," he said in frosty greeting.

The skin around Severus's right eye twitched like it did when he read before he glanced once more at Lily. He nodded briefly and then turned sharply and strode away, blending into the early evening crowd on Diagon Alley.

Lily shook herself and exhaled heavily, rubbing her hands up and down her arms. She shouldn't feel cold standing outside at the end of July but seeing him again, so different, gave her a chill. She turned and looked up at Remus and smiled at him. "Yeah, definitely ready." Her gaze dropped down to look at Harry who was staring into the crowd where Severus had disappeared with confusion on his face. "What is it, Harry?"

He looked at her, eyes wide with curiosity, "Bat?"

Remus's snorted laughter did nothing to help her not crack up as well. She couldn't even answer her son and instead just nodded and giggled right along with Remus. Harry looked at them and smiled, then his grin turned mischievous. She'd never seen him look more like James. He repeated 'bat' a few more times as they walked down Diagon Alley, and with each repeat, she and Remus laughed.


	13. 1 Year Anniversary

A/N: Now that After here on FFN is all caught up to where it is on AO3, I'll be starting a different posting schedule. I'll be posting chapter 14 tomorrow (Sunday) and then the next chapter on Wednesday. I'm hoping to keep to that twice-a-week schedule until the fic's completion. At this point, I'm several chapters ahead of what I've posted but I haven't finished writing the story. I apologise if this is upsetting for any of you but posting every day isn't sustainable when I don't have the story completely written. I hope you'll stick with me as the story progresses.

* * *

The entire month of October had Lily feeling so many things she didn't know how she was able to function at all. She felt heartache—she'd been a widow for almost an entire year—and she wasn't sure how she'd done it. How had she made it through an entire year without James by her side? She also felt guilt. She'd continued on when he hadn't. She felt a tiny sense of anticipation because Sirius would be out of Azkaban by the end of November and she had missed him. The worst feeling, however, was an unexplainable feeling of dread and anxiety as she watched the Wizarding shops decorate with spiders, bats, and pumpkins and the Muggle shops with witches' hats, cauldrons, and black cats.

She did not decorate.

She didn't lay down her wand at all, either. Sometime in November, after the attack, Sirius or Remus had bought her a wand holster for her arm. During the summer she had grown lax with wearing it. Now she rarely took it off, even going so far as to sleep with it still strapped to her arm on occasion. In spare moments, she found herself constantly checking and rechecking that her wand was in the holster and accessible. She would slip her wand into her hand and back like a new tick, always trying to be quicker. Her mind would run through all the defensive spells and their wand movements that she could remember. In the days leading up to Hallowe'en, she even started repeatedly glancing out the windows, looking for anything unusual. The few times that she and Harry left the house, she watched every person, sure that every twitch was someone reaching for their wand to hurt them.

All Hallowe'en day, she paced. From window to window, from room to room. Flicking her wrist to hold her wand and slipping it back into place a moment later. Harry noticed her unease and let himself be carried and clung to. When he did get set down, he never ventured too far from her.

After dinner was the worst. She sat on the couch and watched Harry play quietly on the floor near her feet. Remus dozed in the armchair, occasionally waking up enough to give her a smile and yawn and succumb to sleep again. It was the night before the full moon and he was having trouble staying awake.

Every noise had her flinching. Guised children laughing and screaming. Car doors slamming shut. Despite trying to stay focused and in the moment so she wasn't caught off guard, she found her thoughts wandering. Reminiscing.

 _Five weeks into their seventh year, James had pulled her aside after breakfast and presented her with a small posy of wildflowers. "Will you go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend, Lily?"_

 _It had been the first time he'd asked that wasn't in front of his friends and without any audience at all and as she looked down at the flowers in his hands she smiled. Maybe he was learning. "What would we be doing?" She asked._

 _He looked both confused and ecstatic—his hazel eyes had widened behind his glasses so much he looked bug-eyed for a moment. "Wha—what do you mean?"_

 _"I mean, do you expect me to hang out with your friends or is it going to be just us?"_

 _His eyes darted back and forth as he contemplated the question. His answer was perfect. "What would you prefer? We'll do whatever you want."_

 _She'd grinned. "Even if I want to go to Madam Puddifoot's?"_

 _The worried look slipped from his face like this was more familiar ground. "Madam Puddifoot's is great if that's what you want to do."_

 _"How about we go to Tomes and Scrolls and Scrivenshaft's first, alone, and then meet up with your friends—and mine—at The Three Broomsticks."_

 _His smile was brilliant._

 _._

 _The first time they kissed was because of some charmed mistletoe the Marauders had floating in the common room. Lily had been sitting in a cushy chair reading and needed to get up and stretch her legs when she realised she couldn't move. She looked around the room and spotted her friend Mary. "Mary, come here and give me a kiss so I can get up. I'm caught by this stupid mistletoe!"_

 _They'd already learned that a simple, friendly kiss on the cheek was enough to break the charm when a younger girl had become stuck under the plant and her twin sister stepped in to save her with a kiss._

 _James and his friends had been clear on the other side of the tower but when Lily had called to Mary, he had looked up with a mischievous grin on his face. "I'll save you, Lily!" he called, jumping up and dashing across the room before Mary even realised what had been asked of her. She leaned back in her chair, grinning, and watched._

 _Lily had tried to take things slowly with James. She wanted to focus on her final year of studies as well as get to know the real James Potter. "I... James, but..." she started, but before she could come up with an argument he leaned down and pecked her on the cheek. She felt the spell keeping her in place release her as he stepped back. There was the slightest bit of smugness to his smirk as he looked at her. She smiled back. "Thank you, James," she said._

 _Later that night, when most of the younger students were in bed, the Marauders and Lily and Mary were still in the common room. James was sitting in one corner of the sofa near the fireplace and the mistletoe caught him. "Padfoot, I thought you said it wouldn't catch us?"_

 _Sirius looked up at the mistletoe and then back down at James with a sly grin. "Did I say that? I don't think I said that." He faked a yawn and stretched. "Moony, Wormtail, are you guys tired? I'm tired. I'm going up to bed." He stood. "Night Prongs, Night ladies," he said to Lily and Mary._

 _"Night, Sirius," Mary said. She smirked at Lily and stood, as well, "Night, Lily."_

 _"Wait!" James watched his friends one by one get up and leave him sitting there, stuck underneath mistletoe._

 _Lily wondered how much the charm on the mistletoe was Mary's doing when she realised she was the last one left in the common room with James. Mary had been teasing Lily the last month because she hadn't kissed James yet. James watched her as she walked closer._

 _"You don't... you can just peck my cheek like I did you, Lily. I..." but before he could say anything else, she kissed him on the lips._

 _They didn't slip up to their separate beds for another hour._

 _._

 _He proposed on the Hogwarts Express in front of all their friends. They had all packed into a single compartment and Lily and her friends had been talking excitedly about what their plans were for the future. The Marauders were uncharacteristically quiet. It wasn't until the train had pulled from the station that James had stood and pulled Lily to her feet. "What—" she began to ask, confused._

 _He was still holding her hands as he knelt. "Lily Evans, you are the most beautiful, most wonderful witch I've ever encountered. You know my secrets, you—"_

 _Sirius had kicked him in the leg._

 _James glared back at him and then looked back to Lily. He cleared his throat. "You know all of my non-Marauder secrets, you—"_

 _She wasn't the only girl in the compartment to snicker and interrupt him.  
He opened his mouth to start once more when Remus coughed once, though it suspiciously sounded like 'get on with it.' Lily still wasn't sure how he could cram four words into a single cough._

 _"Oh for Merlin's sake! Marry me!" he all but shouted, irritated that his perfect proposal had been ruined._

 _She didn't answer him immediately and the compartment was silent for almost fifteen seconds. She tugged on his hands to get him to stand in front of her before she smiled at him. His shoulders relaxed minutely, but he still didn't seem like he was breathing._

 _"Yes, I'll marry you, James Potter."_

 _His elated shout was so loud she was sure everyone on the train had heard him. By the end of the nine-hour ride, everyone had heard the news as friends and acquaintances from other houses had made the rounds to say goodbye._

 _._

 _Their wedding had been small. Less than a dozen people. Some people she had wanted to invite were in hiding. Others were on missions for the Order. Even more had died. Petunia and her new husband Vernon had not responded to the invite at all, their own way of snubbing Lily and James over some perceived insult or other when they'd all met at Christmas. Sirius had made a best man's speech so full of deer-related puns she wasn't even sure what he had said because she, James, and the other two Marauders were sniggering so much that later her father had asked if she had opened the wine early. She had thought about wearing her mother's dress, but Mary had talked her out of it, and instead, she'd decided on a set of white lace robes that were a good compromise between Wizarding and Muggle._

 _They hadn't taken a honeymoon. Instead, less than two weeks later they went on a mission together where they had narrowly escaped masked Death Eaters. By mid-December, Lily had started to feel ill and in effort to rule out the most common things, bought a Muggle pregnancy test. She told James on Christmas morning. When the rest of the Marauders had shown up mid-day he couldn't stop smiling about the prospect of being a father._

Lily reached up to scratch at her nose and opened her eyes. She must have dozed. Remus was slumped in his chair, his mouth was open and there might have been drool on his jumper. Harry was starfished on the floor, his head pillowed on his plush dog. She smiled at her son, feeling a bit relaxed in the quiet hour of the night. She'd made it through the horrible first Hallowe'en. No one had come for her or Harry. She hadn't even had nightmares or relived it. She'd just fallen asleep thinking about James. She laid down on the couch and watched Harry breathe for quite a while before letting sleep overtake her again.


	14. Released

Lily paced all morning on the day that Sirius was to be released from Azkaban. She had corresponded with Minerva regarding procedure and learned that an Auror would go to Azkaban to retrieve Sirius and they would return to the Ministry by Floo where he would be given back his wand and allowed to leave. Lily had spoken to Remus and together decided they would like to be there to greet him.

By early-afternoon when it was time to leave, Lily was champing at the bit. Remus picked up Harry and nodded at her. "All right, let's go."

They travelled by Floo Network to the Ministry and stood by the fountain. Remus set Harry down and Harry went directly to the water to splash in it. Lily grinned a little as she watched him and chided him softly when it looked like he wanted to jump in. She was thankful he was occupied by the fountain because the fireplaces in the atrium all flashed green often as people returned from lunch. Within five minutes the crowd had dwindled considerably and every time one of the fireplaces flashed, Lily's eyes would dart to it.

They stood near the fountain for another ten minutes and Lily was thankful Harry was easily occupied. She had pulled a few knuts from her jeans pocket and allowed Harry to toss one in every so often. He seemed content to watch as the coin sunk to the bottom of the pool and he'd turn to grin at her every time. He watched the water as it came out of the marble house-elf's ears and giggled.

When Sirius and an Auror finally stepped out of the Floo, Remus bumped her on the arm. She took in a sharp breath and held it as she watched the Auror take the bounding rope from Sirius's wrists. She glanced down at Harry and spoke softly, "Come on, Harry, let's go get your Uncle Sirius."

He stood and shook his head when she went to pick him up. "Hawwy walk."

"Okay, Harry. You can walk."

He grinned at her and reached up to hold her hand. Together, the three of them walked towards Sirius. The Auror must have left because Sirius was standing alone, holding tight to his wand. As they got closer, he opened his eyes and looked at them before slipping his wand into his pocket.

He was wearing the clothes he had been arrested in. They hung off his frame so badly he reminded Lily of a child playing dress up in their parents' clothes. His once shiny black hair was matted and brittle. The bits of skin on his face she could see under the layers of dirt, grime, and bushy, untrimmed beard was ghostly-white. His eyes were haunted. His face held wrinkles of an older man even as his cheeks were gaunt from lost weight. He looked so tired.

"Hey," he said, though it sounded like a hoarse whisper. He reached out and wrapped his arms around both Lily and Remus and they returned the hug despite how foul he smelled. He was so thin he felt fragile.

He glanced down and saw Harry between them. He crouched to speak directly to the child. "Hello, Harry. You've grown so big!" Harry just looked up at him with wide eyes. "May I pick you up?" Harry nodded, though his gaze darted to Lily as if to make sure she wasn't going to leave him with this stranger. Sirius reached out and picked up Harry with a strength it didn't look like he had. "You probably don't remember me, do you Harry?" he asked. "Have you been behaving for your Mum?"

Harry smiled and nodded. "Hawwy behave."

Sirius smiled in return but when Harry flinched he closed his lips carefully over his blackened, ruined teeth.

Harry shifted his weight and reached out to Remus, "Unka Wemus!"

Sirius swallowed to hide his reaction and allowed the child to be switched into Remus's arms.

Lily reached out and touched Sirius's arm. "Let's get you home to a warm bath and a hot meal."

"A razor, toothbrush, and some shears too," he said, giving her a sad little smile before reaching up and pulling on some of the matted hair near his ear. "There's no saving this."

"It'll grow back, Sirius," Remus muttered. Sirius nodded.

 *** . * . *  
**

After they returned home, Sirius asked Remus to cut his hair. Remus agreed and followed him into the bathroom. Lily started on a beef and vegetable soup though she worried it might be too heavy a meal for him. It was obvious he hadn't been given enough food at Azkaban. She would add extra liquid, so if need be he could just have flavourful broth at first.

Remus slipped out of the bathroom and shut the door behind him and Lily heard the shower start. He came into the kitchen where she and Harry were and just stared at the floor for a few quiet moments.

"Did you see...?" she asked.

He shook his head. "No, he wouldn't undress in front of me."

"Do you blame him?"

He gave a mirthless snort. "Of course not. Do you think we should talk him into going to St Mungo's?"

She shook her head. "No. If anything, we might be able to persuade him to see Madam Pomfrey, but it's not likely."

Remus nodded and took a deep breath. He glanced at the frying pan where Lily was browning the meat. He reached out and snagged a piece with his fingers directly from the pan and popped it into his mouth.

"Remus that wasn't cooked all the way through yet!"

He just smirked and finished chewing. He gave her a grin. "Nah, it was just right. You overcook things."

"I don't overcook things," she disagreed, but she pulled the pan from the heat and took a knife from the drawer to slice into a piece to check. It was pink inside. She looked up and frowned at him.

"What? Did you expect it to still be raw?" he asked, still grinning.

"Well, you do tend to like things on the rarer side," she mumbled as she set the meat aside to start working on the broth.

"Only right at the full moon and we're still a week out," Sirius said from the end of the hall. They turned to look at him. He was dressed in Wizarding robes, which were unusual for him, though they hid some of his weight loss. Remus had had to cut his hair so close to his scalp she could see the pale skin on his head through the black fuzz that remained. He'd shaved off the beard and moustache as well. "Smells good," he muttered, nodding towards the cooker.

"I was going to make some soup if that's all right."

"Anything is all right," he said, before offering her a tight, little smile. His eyes sought out Harry who was playing on the floor in the corner surrounded by a dozen Matchbox cars and a few Action Man figurines. Sirius moved to a kitchen chair and sat watching Harry play. Remus moved around Lily and got a cutting board and knife out to start on the vegetables. Lily watched Sirius as he sat still, eyes never leaving Harry. After a moment, she breathed deeply to calm her emotions before turning back to the cooker to continue with the soup.

Sirius didn't eat as much as Lily was hoping for but she was glad he paced himself so he wouldn't be sick. Harry had had his bath and been put to bed when the three adults moved into the sitting room. Sirius stopped and looked at the large stereo against the wall for a moment before looking back at Lily and Remus with raised eyebrows. Remus offered him a shrug and sat down on one corner of the couch. Lily sat in the opposite corner and Sirius settled into the armchair. He sighed and relaxed back into it, closing his eyes. "So, tell me," he started before looking back up at her and Remus, "when did they get him?"

Lily frowned and looked at her lap and then over to Remus. He had looked away from Sirius just as she had. She cleared her throat and answered. "They didn't. They stopped looking in January."

"What?" Sirius asked, stunned. "I..." he looked away from her, at the rug, the wall, the window, "A year of my life in Azkaban... a year gone from Harry, from you two... For nothing. Absolutely nothing." He tipped his head back and squeezed his eyes shut. He stood up abruptly but froze like moving quickly was painful and glanced at the door to the balcony. "I could use a fag."

"You don't really need one," Lily said, reaching out to grab his hand. His fingers trembled. "Come sit with me. Your hands are freezing."

He followed her command and sat beside her and she pulled him close into her body to hold him. "I'm always cold," he murmured. Remus stood and walked down the hall without a word and returned with a thick blanket from his bed that he spread out over both Sirius and Lily.

Sirius nodded and Lily thanked him. Remus sat back down next to Sirius and leaned against him and they sat in silence as one by one they fell asleep.


	15. Reconnect

The next week and a half passed in a similar but new pattern. Remus would be called to work early or late, his schedule becoming more erratic as they got closer to Christmas, and Sirius spent the day trying to play with Harry while Lily gave both Harry and Sirius a chance to bond again.

If Harry was in the kitchen, Sirius would sit on the floor nearby, his knees pulled to his chest. Every so often he would try to talk with Harry or touch one of the toys. Harry would interact with him if necessary, but he found the strange man hovering about discomforting and would seek out Lily in reassurance every so often.

They'd rearranged the furniture in the sitting room, opening the room up to the fireplace and putting the couch against a wall. If Harry decided to play in there, Sirius was in his armchair, pulled as close to the fire as he could possibly be.

After dinner when Harry was put to bed, Sirius would move room to room, always in Lily or Remus's company. When it was time for the adults to retire to bed, Sirius often spend the time in his armchair instead, insisting that his room was too cold no matter how many blankets Lily had piled on his bed.

On the days where Remus was out of the house during the day, Harry would greet him with enthusiasm when he came home, showering him with attention and babble he seemingly refused to give to Sirius. Lily caught Sirius dabbing his eyes the night Harry play-whispered to Remus that he wanted to go play with him and not Unka Sewus.

Lily had moved beside him and hooked his arm with hers and let her fingers play with the fabric of his sweater. "Come cook dinner with me."

He followed along, reminding her of an obedient dog rather than the vibrant man he'd been before. "What did you need me to do?" he asked, his voice still a bit rough with emotion.

She shrugged and opened the fridge to pull out the makings for dinner. "Maybe I just wanted to spend time with you. Harry's taking it all."

"Sorry," he muttered.

"Don't be, Sirius. I know you missed him but he's got to get used to you. Right now he feels smothered, I think, with you there all the time."

He nodded and took the cutting board and knife from her, glancing at the vegetables and picking up the carrots and starting to slice them on the diagonal.

Lily didn't know what to do to bring back the Sirius she remembered. Maybe the man he had been was gone, sucked away with happy memories during his year in Azkaban. She hoped not. The broken, perpetually cold man who was scared to be alone could not be all that was left of larger-than-life Sirius Black.

 *** . * . ***

Later that night, Lily couldn't sleep so she got up and wrapped her dressing gown over her pyjamas. She forewent her house shoes and padded silently through the flat in socked feet toward the kitchen where she planned to make a cup of tea for herself. She made a detour, however, when she heard what sounded like a dog whimpering. She slipped into the sitting room to find Padfoot curled up in Sirius's chair, twitching in his sleep and whimpering from a bad dream.

Padfoot, who she used to compare to a large, black furball looked like a shaved poodle. She hadn't realised his look as Padfoot was so dependent on his beautiful hair and now that his hair was practically gone, his shaggy look as a dog was gone as well. It made her heart ache for him.

She went to his chair and put her hands on his shoulder and squeezed. "Sirius, wake up, you're having a nightmare."

He jerked awake and away from her, snapping his jaws at her hand before realising who she was. She snatched her hand back to her chest, shocked at his aggression. "Sirius?" she asked, unsure of his reaction.

He shimmered as he transformed back into Sirius the man, properly contrite for trying to bite her. "I'm so sorry, Lily, I didn't mean to—" he said, pushing himself back into the chair like he was trying to get away from her. She stepped back and he marginally relaxed. His words hadn't stopped but now it was more of a mumble to himself. "...could have really hurt you, what if you'd been Harry, Merlin, I could have hurt Harry!"

"Sirius, calm down," she said with a little force. "You didn't hurt me, you just reacted. I'm sure if you'd been in human form you would have swung at me. It was simply a reaction to a nightmare. James and I both used to get them before we went into hiding. Chasing dreams, we used to call them."

He had quieted and his eyes had focused on her as she spoke, though she suspected he'd only truly heard everything after she'd mentioned James. "I'm going to make some tea, would you like some?"

He nodded a quick jerking motion that showed how not calm he was. She turned and left the room and he followed. He shadowed her step for step, staying just within reach like he was scared she would disappear if he so much as blinked. She tried not to let it bother her as she moved around the kitchen making tea the Muggle way. When it was done, she fixed their tea to their liking and turned around, handing him his mug and headed back toward the sitting room. She wondered if he would return to his chair now that the fire had gone low or if he would continue to shadow her as she sat on the couch.

He shadowed her, sitting on the couch within arm's reach but not directly beside her. After she took a sip from her mug and sat in silence for a few moments she asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

He didn't answer and she thought he might have fallen asleep holding his tea mug but when she glanced at him his shoulders were hunched and he was gnawing at his bottom lip. When he spoke it was quiet and almost hoarse again like it was a strain to get the words together and out.

"I missed out on so much. Harry's got so many new words, he's feeding himself more often than not; he's not a baby anymore."

She wanted to agree with him, to add that she missed when he was smaller and wanted to cuddle with his mummy more, but thought that if she spoke it would ruin the moment and he'd clam up again.

"And you... you've grown too. Not, I don't mean, not physically or anything, but you're older. You're sadder." He sighed heavily and it sounded ragged. "I miss James so much. Every night, every hour it seemed, those cold bastards would move past my cell and with it, every horrible, terrible memory would come to mind. I lost track of time after the first three months and by then the cold had seeped in and tainted everything. I couldn't remember his face except in death. Couldn't remember Harry or you or Remus. I remembered every shitty thing from my childhood: Mother's Cruciatus, Father's apathy, Regulus's sneering arrogance. But most of the time I relived Hallowe'en night over and over again.

"My dreams were worse. Not that they could get much worse, I thought at first, but then it wasn't just James dying it was you and Remus and Harry and—" his voice broke on a sob and his shoulders hunched further inward as he started to weep in earnest.

She moved closer to him, taking his mug from him and setting it on the table, before pulling him into her arms and holding him while he cried. She cried with him. Knowing how much he'd suffered because she'd mistakenly believed that if he had come clean about his Animagus status that it would help the Aurors find Wormtail. She'd been wrong in her naivety and he'd paid the price.

She rubbed his back and whispered into his scalp how sorry she was, how loved he was. That he wasn't alone. That they'd get through this and he wouldn't have nightmares every night. Not if she could help it.

When he'd cried himself out, he whispered, "I feel so stuck in place. You've, not moved on, really, but you're not a sobbing wreck every day when for me it's a struggle not to look at Harry and cry. Remus is out there; working. Interacting with people and I just want to stay hiding here away from everyone."

"It'll get easier, Sirius, now that you're away from them. Merlin knows how much I cried this past year. I could have watered the rainforest with as many tears as I shed. I didn't know I could cry that much. I don't want to say it gets better because it doesn't—not really. I still miss James every day and when Harry gives me that cheeky little grin like he knows he's been naughty I swear James is right there... but it does get easier. You learn to work around it."

He nodded. He was quiet again for a long time and his breathing evened out. She held him as he slept and yawned, ready to sleep herself. She made herself more comfortable and let sleep overtake her.


	16. Red Christmas

A few days before Christmas, Sirius asked Lily if Harry's crib should be turned into a toddler bed. He thought Christmas Eve might be a good time as it was a present that both he and Remus could give the boy.

Lily had looked at Harry's crib with nostalgia even as she turned and gave Sirius a smirk. "Only if you do it the Muggle way and Harry gets to participate."

A rare smile lit his face at the challenge and he nodded. "All right," he turned to leave before looking back over his shoulder at her, "Did this thing come with instructions?" he asked.

She laughed at him and gently pushed him out of her room. He grinned and left.

On Christmas Eve, Lily sat with her feet tucked under her on the couch holding a mug of cider as she watched Remus, Sirius, and Harry attempt to transform the crib into a proper 'big boy's bed.' Harry had been reluctant when Sirius had voiced the idea but with a little bit of coaxing from her and Remus he'd grown excited and now he bounced around the room. Picking things up and moving them about, rearranging the tools the men had set out, and just generally being a nuisance—as little boys are ought to be.

Remus was holding the instructions and pointing at the picture and Sirius was arguing with him. It was charming to watch them and with every emphatic gesture Sirius made, she couldn't help but smile wider. Apparently, confessing to her about the Dementors and the horrors of Azkaban and the subsequent release of crying heavily had done some good with his mood and outlook. He still hovered around her and Remus but had backed off a little from hovering over Harry. He was still in the room but instead of attempting to join in on the play constantly he waited for Harry to come to him.

To Harry, it seemed that he suddenly realised that his play partner was leaving and now he went to Sirius with his toys, asking him to come back. It was adorable and seemed to be just what they both needed—to find a balance between too much attention and not quite enough.

Finally, there seemed to be an agreement between parties and Remus and Sirius made to reach for the part they decided they needed just to find that Harry had moved them out of their designated places all around the room. The look of bewilderment on their faces was priceless and Lily picked up the camera from beside her and snapped a picture of them.

Remus blinked and Sirius gaped at her before her giggle seemed to break the trance. "Do you see what your son just did?" Sirius asked, sounding somehow both incredulous and proud.

She nodded. "While you two argued about the logistics of screws or glue or screws _and_ glue, I've watched him rearrange all the pieces. Take three of the pieces into the kitchen. Hid the screwdrivers and tried to smash a few of his Action Man toys with the hammer. I was waiting for one of you to notice." She gave them an obnoxiously sweet, toothy smile that they and James had dubbed her 'Marauder smile' and let her eyes move between the two gobsmacked Marauders. She noticed when Harry moved beside Sirius and realised a split-second too late that he had the hammer in his hand again. Her eyes widened in the instant it took for Harry to drop the hammer on top of Sirius's right foot. The howl he made as he grabbed his foot and hopped up and down on the other made her hurt for him but she couldn't stop the laugh that bubbled up as he landed on a screwdriver and whimpered as now both feet were sore. He hobbled over to the couch and sat down next to her, a large pouting frown on his face.

"You're mean," he mumbled. She didn't know if he meant her, for laughing, or Harry, who was smiling at him in childish ignorance at what had just happened.

Remus coughed and covered his mouth to hide a smirk but the crinkles around his eyes gave away his mirth. "She should have taken a picture of that. I would have loved to hang a photograph of you hopping around like that on the wall."

Sirius narrowed his eyes at his best friend and raised an eyebrow as if to say he was plotting something equally painful and humiliating for him. Harry happily picked up the hammer again and walked to his toys before playfully bashing said toys with sloppy swings of the hammer.

"Someone should really take that from him before he hurts himself. Or someone else," Remus said as he sat back down on the floor and leaned back on his hands.

"Are you two going to fix his bed before the night's out?" Lily asked. "It _is_ Christmas Eve." She and James had decided against the Muggle tradition of Santa Claus in favour of teaching Harry to be appreciative of the real people who gave him gifts. " _Someone_ needs to sleep sometime tonight."

Sirius nodded and stood back up. His feet must have truly been tender because he walked slowly and made sure there was nothing where he was about to step.

It took them about twenty minutes before the bed was put back together properly and they didn't use the hammer once. They took the bed back into her room and told her it was her job to put the sheets on it. Remus went around the room collecting all the tools that had been taken from the toolbox and Sirius went to Harry.

As Lily was putting the sheets on his new bed she heard Harry shriek and she dropped everything and darted from the room, wand in hand. What she found was Sirius and Harry on the floor, with Harry leaning over trying to tickle Sirius. Sirius reached up and tickled Harry's side and the little boy shrieked again and this time Lily heard the quieter giggles that followed. She closed her eyes and lowered her wand. She felt the heat of Remus as he came up behind her. "You okay?"

"Yes. Didn't hear him giggling."

"I think Sirius is just trying to tire him out so he'll go to bed. All the excitement of the bed has thrown off his schedule."

"Or he's just being Sirius and wanted to play."

Remus chuckled. "Good point. It's good to see him acting more like his old self. Glad he went to see Poppy at Hogwarts. Now that his teeth are fixed he seems to smile more."

She agreed with a nod and watched them tickle one another for a few more moments before she turned back to her room to finish her task.

Fifteen minutes later, Sirius brought Harry into her room holding his plush dog and looking sleepy. He sat on her bed as she tucked Harry in and hummed a little Christmas song. Lily rubbed at her eyes and yawned as they left the room and shut the door behind them.

"Let's get the tree and gifts set up, otherwise I'll have to tuck _you_ in soon," Sirius teased. They went into the sitting room where Remus had already cleared a space. "Are we getting a real tree?"

"Real ones make a mess and it's freezing out tonight. I'll just transfigure one." She pointed her wand at her empty mug sitting on the table and moved it to the floor before concentrating and transfiguring a small fir tree in the cleared space.

"Really?" Sirius grumbled. "That tiny thing?"

"What's wrong with my tree?"

"Nothing, nothing," he said too quickly but he pointed his wand at her tree and enlarged it until the top was almost brushing the ceiling and the limbs were fuller.

Remus burst into laughter. "Sirius, it looks like it has a fur coat on now. What did you do?"

"Well, of course it has a fir coat. It's a fir tree."

Lily giggled. "You boys are the kings of puns."

Sirius opened his mouth the say something but stopped himself with a shake of his head. "All right, time to get the gifts," he said and went to his room to get the ones he had purchased. Lily had kept hers in Remus's room with him, except her gift for him, which she'd hidden in the kitchen so she went to get that while Remus went to get theirs. When she returned, the sitting room was flooded with boxes in bright red wrapping and Remus was frowning and holding the few gifts they'd stored in his room.

"Do you think you might have gone a bit overboard, Sirius? Do we even have enough room in the flat for all the things you've bought?"

"Hmm?" he asked, turning around where he was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the tree. "There's no such thing as too much."

"Is there room enough for our presents to go under the tree?"

"Of course," he said holding out his hands for them.

Remus handed over the few boxes he had. He patted Sirius on the shoulder and leaned over and kissed Lily on the temple. "Goodnight you two and Happy Christmas."

"Night Rem," Lily said softly.

"Night Moony," Sirius called.

"I'm going to bed too, Sirius. Are you planning on staying up much later?"

Sirius was frowning at the six little boxes Remus had handed him. He glanced around and saw that Lily was waiting on him but he asked, "Can you get me a Biro?"

"What for?"

"I want to add yours and Remus's name to all the gifts I bought."

"Sirius, you don't have to—"

"I know I don't, but I want to. You know the goblins at Gringotts said you didn't withdraw from my vault at all when I went a couple weeks ago? Are you trying to be thrifty to make James's gold last?"

He looked confused and Lily didn't know exactly how to explain that she didn't feel right just taking his money. Not for groceries or utilities at least. She lived on James's money. She took care of Harry with it. Remus's money went to groceries as well, supplementing her funds because he ate so much red meat. Sirius had paid for the first year's worth of rent in one go when they'd moved in together. She hadn't needed to use his money at all. "I'm not being stingy on purpose."

He frowned and she was sure this wouldn't be the last time they would talk about money. It seemed like something they would always butt heads over. "Then find me a Biro so I can add your names to these gifts."

She sighed. "Okay." She was tired and she wasn't sure if they were arguing or if he was just being stubborn about something she didn't quite grasp. Either way, she found him the pen and he added 'Mummy and Uncle Remus and' above his 'Uncle Sirius' on almost every box. He handed the pen back and stood up, rubbing his hands together like he was congratulating himself on a job well done.

"Bedtime for the adults, then?" He asked. She nodded and gave him a hug. He whispered, "Happy Christmas, Lily," into her hair before she pulled away.

She smiled and returned the greeting before retreating to bed.

 *** . * . ***

A happy Harry bouncing on her bed woke Lily early the following morning. "Mumma, wake up!" he shouted.

She smiled and stretched before grabbing him and cuddling him. He squealed and wiggled which made her tickle him a little. "What has you so excited, hmm?"

His eyes went wide and he gestured wildly, "Presents!"

"Really?" She asked with excitement, "Who are they for?"

"Me!" His smile was toothy and mischievous.

She gasped, pretending to be shocked, "But what about me? Or Uncle Sirius and Uncle Remus? Don't they get presents too?"

He shook his head side to side quickly, his wild black hair flying around his face. It was long enough to cover the scar on his forehead—if it were the type of hair to lay flat—as it was, the red scar was prominent on his little face. She barely noticed it now, only at moments like this when she could imagine James in the other room like it had all been a nightmare and he was alive. That's when she noticed the scar and it always reminded her of who they'd lost.

"Maybe we should eat breakfast before we open presents?" She asked.

His little mouth parted in a shocked gasped and he shook his head again. "Noooo!" he whined, "Presents first! Mumma can have some!"

She giggled and nodded. "All right, let me get up, baby." He bounced off her bed and fled the room leaving the door wide open. She was tempted to get dressed, remembering how Remus had taken the picture of her with bedhead and in her pyjamas but decided not to. If he wanted a picture of her like that every Christmas then she could oblige. She padded into the sitting room and was prepared when the camera flashed in her direction. Sirius was on the floor with Harry in his arms, swaying like they were dancing and smiling in her direction. Remus, of course, had the camera. She smiled at him and wrinkled her nose, reaching up to rumple her messy hair.

Sirus and Remus both laughed and that made Harry laugh. He extracted himself from Sirius's hold and ran at her, wrapping his arms around her legs. "Presents, Mumma, presents!"

Remus handed her a mug of cider and she sat down in Sirius's armchair. "All right, Sirius, play Santa," she told him. He grinned at her as she sipped her cider before coughing at the strong taste. "Did you spike it?" she asked, coughing and squinting.

"Who? Me? Nah," Sirius said, stretching his arms over his head and pointing towards Remus in a totally conspicuous motion. A quick glance at Remus showed her that he was pointing back at Sirius.

"It's too early in the morning for spiked cider," she muttered, setting her mug down on the low table.

"Who said anything about spiking it?" Sirius asked, picking up a box and handing it to Harry. A second box he tossed in the air and used his wand to direct it to her.

"Then what did you do to it?" she asked, grabbing the floating box in front of her.

Remus answered after he took a picture of Harry ripping the wrapping paper from his box. " _Someone_ thought it needed some more cinnamon."

Lily tried to take a deep breath but her throat still felt like it was on fire and it dawned on her why. "You mean you mixed it with firewhisky?"

Sirius dipped his head towards her feet and said, "Bet your toes are warm."

Her feet had been just fine before that but she had to admit everything did feel toasty. Firewhisky wasn't something she would normally partake in but now that the on-fire feeling had lessoned she realised that it didn't make the cider taste too horrible.

The morning was filled with laughter and fun. Harry had so many gifts he didn't know which to play with first. He particularly liked it when Sirius would toss a box into the air and make it fly to someone and before all the presents were even opened they'd made a game of it. Harry would toss a ball of crumpled paper into the air and Sirius would send it flying in Remus or Lily's direction. Soon Remus was adding to the chaos, sending the crumpled paper back at Sirius. When one smacked Sirius square on the nose Harry came running to kiss it better and he would have had he not slipped on the same bit of paper and crashed head first into Sirius's face as well. Remus caught it all with a snap of the camera and once Lily ascertained that neither one had broken the other, she allowed herself to laugh with them. Though later, when Harry was taking a nap, Sirius asked if they had any headache relief potion.

After Harry was in bed after a quiet afternoon and evening, the three adults were finishing off the last of the spiked cider. The more Lily drank the less the fire burned and she was sleepy and content as Sirius and Remus played a game of chess by the tree. The whisky had a different sort of effect on Sirius, it seemed, because suddenly he declared, "You know what we missed this year? Mistletoe. We should have got some mistletoe. Hung it up in the kitchen or something."

"I spent a good part of my day in the kitchen," Lily said, not quite knowing what he was getting at.

"Yeah, and if there was mistletoe in the kitchen we would have got mistletoe kisses," he said, waggling his eyebrows at her.

She rolled her eyes and stood, deciding that if he was going to start flirting then she ought to head to bed. She walked over and kissed first Remus then Sirius on the cheek and wished them a good night.


	17. Lily's Bad Day

Lily scooped hers and Harry's dirty clothes from the clothes hamper and put them in the basket she had on the bed. They piled high over Remus's and Sirius's clothes and she wondered at how quickly dirty laundry piled up. She heard the front door open and close and Sirius stomp his feet to knock off some of the snow on his boots. She knew he hadn't picked up smoking again but he did like to stand on the porch in the morning to drink coffee. She knew he hated the cold but she recognised that need for a moment of peace and quiet. She appreciated that too. She picked up the laundry basket and left her room, headed for the kitchen.

At the door, something happened. She tripped on something and her feet slipped out from under her. She tumbled back, thumped into the wall, bounced and went forward again. There was a horribly sharp pain in her ankle and she cried out.

Sirius was next to her within moments and Harry had come running as well. "Merlin, Lily, what happened?"

It took a moment for her to breathe through the pain, one of those techniques she's learned and attempted to apply when she went through labour and spoke through clenched teeth. "I tripped, what the hell does it look like?"

He pulled the laundry basket from her hands and grimaced before swallowing and steeling his jaw. "It looks like a trip to St Mungo's for a broken ankle."

"What?" she asked, partly in shock. She couldn't look down. Not yet. _It couldn't be that bad, could it?_

"It definitely could," he answered. "I'm going to levitate you onto a stretcher and we'll go through the Floo, all right?"

"Harry?"

"He's right here and I'll carry him."

"He doesn't like the Floo... the colour it turns. Cover his face so he doesn't see or breathe in ashes," the pain was starting to spread from sharp to throbbing and she closed her eyes. She knew Sirius could take care of things. She was in a haze as he levitated her onto a stretcher and directed it to the Floo. She barely registered when he called out for the hospital but she felt the swirling rush as she went through.

She heard his voice and even though she couldn't make out the words any longer she felt safe. She heard a healer respond and suddenly the painful haze was gone. She couldn't feel her left foot.

Sirius was at her side holding Harry and smiling at her. "Glad to see you're aware again. How do you feel?"

She assessed how she felt and smiled. "Fine now. Do I get to go home?"

He laughed and Harry giggled with him. "Nope. You get an overnight stay to Skele-Gro that ankle back into its proper place."

The floating, peaceful feeling fizzled a little and she glanced down. She was tucked into an infirmary bed and the bottom of the covers were turned up. Her ankle was raised and wrapped to keep it still. She was wearing a hospital gown. "Where are my clothes?" She asked.

Sirius frowned. "The healer took them off because it was easier to get to your calf and ankle without them. I didn't think you'd be happy about that. Poppy could always heal our Quidditch breaks without us undressing." His volume dropped, "I hope you don't mind that I stayed in the room—I didn't trust the healer that much."

"You were at St Mungo's when I had Harry, it's a wonder I have any modesty left in front of you."

He pretended to act indignant, "I didn't look! Either time. Though this time I was tempted. As much as I love you and James and Harry, I didn't want to see Harry being born. That shit's scary and nasty."

She laughed at him knowing that he had dealt with other things that were just as nasty but just as important as childbirth. Holding a friend's entrails in after a Death Eater's curse to try and keep them alive in the heat of a skirmish came to mind. Poor Edgar. She tried to push those thoughts away. Thinking about the war and all its casualties was bound to make her upset and grumpy.

"Do I really have to stay? Who's going to take care of Harry?"

He gave her an incredulous look. "You did name me godfather, you know. Besides, Remus will be there too. Two grown men can handle a 2-and-a-half-year-old." He glanced around for a chair and when he spotted one he slid it over and sat. Harry wiggled and Sirius set him down on the bed next to her. Harry crawled up her body to snuggle against her and she laid her head against his, smiling.

"I wanted to talk to you about something," Sirius said, looking at Harry lovingly. When she acknowledged him with a quirk of her eyebrows, he continued, "Harry's getting bigger and I think he needs a proper yard to play in."

"Remus and I take him to the park."

"Yeah... but it's a Muggle park. I was thinking of getting him a new broom, something that wouldn't be appropriate for indoor play. He's getting a bit big for his old one. I think we need a new place that's got a private yard. It can still be in a Muggle neighbourhood but something we can ward properly, you know. And I think he's getting old enough to have his own room."

Lily liked the idea of more security and privacy, though she hadn't really ever noticed their neighbours as it was. Ther was somethings that she had missed when she and James had had to move to Godric's Hollow. The first home they'd purchased had a wonderful yard. When they were at Godric's Hollow they weren't even allowed outside. She'd forgotten how much she missed having outdoor space. She nodded. "I think I'd like that but we can't have this sort of talk without including Remus. So I should go home so we can talk."

"Lily," he said softly. "You've got to stay here. Skele-Gro's a bit more complex than your average Headache Relief or Calming Draught. I may be good but I'm not that good."

She grinned. "I can brew Skele-Gro," she stated proudly.

He frowned. "Is that one of the ones that you did with Snivellus?"

She stuck her tongue out at him as her defence. Harry shifted to look up at her. "Home?" he asked.

"See? Even my son wants me to come home," she said, bouncing her eyebrows at Sirius.

A healer slipped through the ajar door. "Unfortunately, no matter how cute, toddlers aren't the ones prescribing treatment. Your friend's right, Ms Potter, you need to stay here the night. The break was quite nasty and we need to monitor how you regrow the bone and dose you throughout the night. You're in for a rough night, you don't need to be dealing with this riff-raff," she gestured with a wave and smile towards Sirius, who gave her a charming, toothy smile, "while you're not your best. Plus," she added, "We've got the best pain relief potions around." She lightly tapped Lily's wrapped foot. When Lily didn't respond to the touch, the healer nodded. "See? Not even a twinge. There's a new Potions Master at Hogwarts that's been sending a few cases of standard brews as donations. He's rather remarkable."

Lily frowned. She didn't want to stay overnight. "But it's my birthday," she said, pouting, poking her bottom lip out like a child.

The healer raised a hand to her chest, "Oh Merlin," she waved at both Lily and Sirius, "You both have that pout down pat!" She laughed. "Sorry, hon, but you're not going home tonight. Maybe your friend will have cleaned the house for you tonight as a belated present when you go home tomorrow, how's that?"

Lily grinned and canted her eyes to Sirius to see he had exaggerated his frown to epic proportions and widened his eyes like the idea of housecleaning horrified him. Both the healer and Lily laughed. Harry wiggled and Sirius scooped him up and gave Lily a wink. "I'll see what I can do. Be good," he told her, leaning down to kiss her on the forehead. "Tell Mummy—"

"Love you, Harry!" Lily interrupted, shaking her head in a quick, frantic motion to try and stop Sirius from making the bye-bye-mistake again. His brows knitted and she added. "B-Y-E, Sirius. Take care of him and don't blow up the flat, all right?" 

He seemed to get it and nodded. He looked over Harry's head to the healer who smiled at him and waved her fingers slightly but otherwise seemed to understand not to say the word bye. Sirius turned and left the room with Harry in his arms.

Lily slumped in relief. She was glad to not have to deal with a screaming, upset toddler but she would miss him. "Thanks for not, you know, saying the word," she told the healer.

"Don't worry about it. My daughter was the same way when she was that age. Best if you just slip off, sometimes." Lily nodded and let the healer bustle around the bed. Fluffing her pillow and chatting about the weather and whether the Kenmare Kestrels were going to do well in their next match.

 *** . * . ***

Lily had not been a pleasant patient once she'd started to take Skele-Gro. The taste of the stuff was vile and she had been half a mind to only pretend to take it. Ultimately though, she took her medicine like a good adult and dealt with the interrupted sleep.

When she was able to leave St Mungo's the next day, Lily was not ready for what awaited her when she returned home. The sitting room was a mess with Harry's toys strewn all over the floor. The laundry basket still full of dirty clothes was on the kitchen table. The dishes were piled in the sink and no one was home.

She was shocked. How could two grown men who had magic at their fingertips leave such a mess behind? She was too tired to bother with it and went to bed to get some uninterrupted sleep.

She woke a few hours later to the door opening and Sirius announcing, "Maybe we should clean up before Lily comes home."

"She's already here, Sirius," Remus said.

"What? Noooo," his voice fried as he answered, "I really did want to shock her with a clean house before she came home. I didn't realise how quick it would get messy. I'm blaming you, you know."

"Hmph. Yeah, blame the unemployable werewolf. Of course, it's my fault. Isn't everything?" Remus answered. She heard him speak softer to Harry, "Come on, Harry, let's get you to bed, sweetie." There were soft steps down the hall and her door squeaked as it was opened. "Hey, Lils."

He held a droopy looking Harry in his arms and Lily sat up to get a better look at him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, he just wore himself out playing with Padfoot. Fell asleep in my arms as we walked home. How are you feeling?"

"Better. Tired. The healer kept having to wake me up to take that horrible potion—I had no idea how bad it tasted—but my ankle doesn't hurt and it's fully functional," she said, bending it this way and that to show him. "What's that I heard about unemployable?"

"Oh. Got fired again. Sirius thought getting out the house instead of moping about would cheer me up. I'm sorry we left it a mess." He had removed Harry shoes and settled him on top of his bed. "Should I change his clothes, or...?"

She shook her head. "No need, he'll be up and getting dirty again before dinner most likely. Just pull the blanket over his feet, they get cold." He gave her an odd look before doing as she said. She decided to enlighten him. "Now that he can get out of his bed on his own sometimes he joins me in mine. The first thing he does is stick his cold feet on me. Every time."

Remus grinned. "James would wake us up at Hogwarts by climbing into bed with us and sticking his cold feet on us. Scared Pe—," he stopped mid-word and closed his mouth, looking away.

"You can mention Peter around me. I hate him immensely because he gave us up and got James killed but that doesn't negate the fact that he had been your friend for years before that. You can tell stories and include him."

He shook his head and glanced back at her, then moved to sit on the bed next to her. "I'm so angry at him; I want to forget him. If I can block him from all my happy memories it makes it easier."

She laid her hand over his and lightly scratched at his skin. "I know." They were quiet for a moment before she leaned close to him and whispered. "Do you think Sirius is cleaning out there?" He pressed his lips together to stop from laughing and shook his head. "I didn't think so, either."


	18. Remus's Birthday

Remus had found another job, this time at a Muggle bookstore on the other side of town. His schedule was just as erratic as it had been at the grocery store. Sirius had stopped by and charmed Remus's boss with a bottle of expensive red wine and one of his knicker-dropping smiles to allow Remus to have his birthday off.

Sirius had decided that house hunting was the perfect way to spend Remus's birthday. They had all talked about the possibility of moving and decided that if they found something they liked they should do it. They all liked the idea of more space both inside and out.

Sirius had done most of the legwork and they had looked at four different houses already, each larger and more expensive than the last. Each was lovely but nothing truly seemed like 'home' to Lily. She wondered if 'home' still existed without James.

Harry was getting restless and Sirius had promised that house number five would be the last one for today. This one was a bit further outside of the city than Lily had really wanted but with Apparition she didn't feel like it was too far. There was a quaint row of shops just a ten-minute walk away and she thought that might be a good way for her to get out of the house more.

When they first came to the street, Remus was already starting to shake his head.

"What's wrong, Moony?"

"I can tell this is out of our price range."

"Define price range?" Sirius asked. There was a hint of a tease in his tone but he waited to hear Remus's complaint first.

"I won't be able to afford my share. Everything in this neighbourhood is far above the wages of a bookshop clerk and that's if I can keep this job for longer than a few months," Remus said even as he looked up at the lovely exposed timber beams. The construction and style reminded her of the house in Godric's Hollow but it was at least three times larger. He was right, this house would be horribly expensive.

"Moony," Sirius started, putting his hand on the other man's shoulder and giving him the most sincere look he could manage. "You three are my family and I want to take care of my family in every way that I can. That means making sure you've got shelter and food and everything I can possibly think of to make your lives what you want them to be. If we like and agree on this house, I'll be buying it outright. No splitting, no rent, no payments. I'll even put it in yours and Lily's names to prove that it's yours."

"You don't need to do that, Sirius."

"How about all three of us on the deed?" Lily suggested, hoping that might stave off the argument. She knew money was a spot of contention between all of them and could turn into a row if they let it but Harry was wiggling in her arms and she was getting tired of wrangling him.

Remus nodded reluctantly and Sirius patted his shoulder. "All right, now let's go in. I've got a good feeling about this one." They met the real estate agent at the door and she let them in. She rambled on about it being a prime location. The house was older than it had looked and it had a few interesting 1950s features—like the gas boiler in the bathroom. This house would definitely need a more magical solution and update than their flat. Lily wondered if the protective enchantments Sirius had in mind for placing around the house would interrupt the electricity. The Fidelius on the house in Godric's Hollow hadn't affected it.

Harry finally wiggled and slipped down out of her grasp. He walked with them and poked at the bare walls. "Mumma?"

"Do you want to play a game, Harry?" she asked. He nodded. "Can you find the kitchen?"

His eyes lit up and he darted off slipping through a doorway to the left. While she was listening for her son, she was trying to imagine what their current furniture would look like in this space. There were five bedrooms—they only needed four—and each room was well sized. There was a balcony off the master bedroom looking over the yard in the back and the yard itself was large and fenced off.

"Found it, Mumma!" She heard Harry's voice call and she followed the sound downstairs and into the kitchen. The kitchen had been updated recently but it wasn't a very large space. "Mumma!" Harry shouted again and ran to her. He pointed out the wide doors leading to the yard and tugged on her dress.

"Yes, there's a yard." He tugged again and she chided him gently, "Use your words, Harry."

"Uncle Moony's outside," he said, tugging again at her.

"Uncle Remus," she corrected. His little brow furrowed but he nodded. "Harry go outside?"

"Yes, we can go outside," she conceded and let him lead her to the doors and out into the space. Sirius was out here as well. They'd ditched the real estate agent and, by the gestures Sirius was making, were talking about using the space as a mini-Quidditch pitch. She rolled her eyes and grinned, thinking about how excited James had been when Harry had been a natural flyer. 'Next Gryffindor Chaser', he'd exclaimed.

Harry darted to Remus's legs and he reached down to ruffle Harry's hair. "So, what do you think?" Sirius asked her.

"The kitchen is a bit small, isn't it?"

"Wizardingspace could fix it," Sirius offered. "There is a dining room."

"Do we really need a five-bedroom, though?" she countered. She glanced around at the yard. It was large. The fence was tall and wooden and looked like it provided a lot of privacy. There was a separate space near the back door with upturned dirt like it could be made into a garden. The idea of having some homegrown fruits and vegetables appealed to her as well as some of the basic potions ingredients. There were plant-only potions that she had wanted to try years ago but they had had to move from their original house to Godric's Hollow and she couldn't have a garden.

"Have you seen the bathrooms? Several of them have showers _and_ tubs." Sirius waggled his eyebrows at Lily.

"And what about the gas boilers in the bathrooms to heat the water in those tubs? Those are dangerous, aren't they?"

He shrugged. "Heat the water with a charm instead?"

"Harry won't be able to just use a charm for another fifteen years," she argued.

"Are you really going to support that ridiculous rule about no magic outside of school?" He asked. He reached down and scooped Harry up and held him upside down while the boy laughed.

She frowned and let them play. She half listened as Sirius asked Harry what he thought of the house and having his own room while she thought about the law that she and Severus broke several times. The Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery. Severus had broken it often and not been called out for it yet she had the two times she'd used her wand. When she'd learned that the law wasn't enforceable in magical homes she'd felt it was unfair. She would probably discourage unsupervised magic outside of Hogwarts but she'd never thought about it. She and James had never discussed it because it was so far into the future. Should she even be worrying about it now? Harry hadn't displayed any accidental magic yet.

She blinked and focused again on the present. Sirius was playing chase with Harry and darting around the spacious backyard. Remus had come up beside her. "What do you think?" he asked, also watching Sirius and Harry.

"I don't know. I like it. It has some nice features, I suppose. I'd worry about the gas boilers or other things in such an old house," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. She wondered if she should have insisted that Harry wear a thicker coat. She turned to look at Remus when she heard him chuckle.

"We went to school in a thousand-year-old castle with no electricity and moving staircases. You routinely combine magical ingredients to create potions that if made incorrectly will explode. You live with a dark creature who turns into a ravaging beast once a month and you're worried about a few out-of-date appliances?" 

She glared at him from the corner of her eye before protesting weakly. "Don't call yourself that."

Harry darted towards them and barrelled into Lily's legs, almost knocking her over. "Mumma, live here?" he asked, looking up at her with puppy dog eyes and a pouty bottom lip. She looked up at Sirius and he just winked and gave her a Marauder's grin.

"Us adults will have to talk about it, Harry. It's almost dinner time, are you ready to go home?" She asked. His pouty face fell away and his eyes went wide with excitement again. He nodded rapidly and held up his arms for her to pick him up. She obliged, picking him up and situating him on her hip. Sirius opened his mouth to say something but she held up a finger to stop him. "Like I said, we adults need to talk about it. Let's say goodbye to the agent and head home." Sirius smiled and nodded like he'd already won and turned to walk beside her back into the house.


	19. Mistakes

Lily spent James's birthday in a fog. Every little thing set her off crying from not having enough eggs for breakfast to overcooking Remus's steak at dinner. When Sirius slipped out not long after dinner she was officially done with the day. Feeding off her ill mood, Harry had been cranky and restless as well. Remus went to bed early, his body aching and preparing for the full moon the following night. Harry finally fell asleep an hour past his usual bedtime. When Lily lay down to sleep her mind wouldn't settle at all and she slipped out of the bedroom to take a late night bath.

It had to be close to midnight when she finally pulled herself from the tepid water. She dried off and redressed in her nightgown but forewent her knickers for a clean pair when she went back into the bedroom. As she towelled her hair there was a loud _CRACK_ outside and the front door opened a moment later. Sirius had decided to come home, it seemed. His boots were loud on the wooden floor and Lily hung up her towel and went out to scold him for making so much noise. 

"Shh, you'll wake them up," she hissed too tired to be properly angry.

"Sorry," he muttered. He looked up at her and she noticed his eyes were bloodshot and the skin around them was puffy. She probably matched him in that. He walked to the kitchen table and took off his boots, leaving them under his chair. "Dance with me?" he asked, standing. His grin was wide despite the pain in his eyes and she obliged him. He led her into the kitchen and pulled her into the semblance of a waltz. He glided them along for a few minutes, turning her and spinning her out away from him before he'd pull her back in.

"Are you drunk?" Lily asked unnecessarily as she could smell the cinnamon and whisky on his breath. He spun her out one last time but didn't pull her back, leaving her standing facing the counter.

He moved up behind her and stood close. "Maybe a little," he whispered. He moved her hair to one side and brought his mouth to her shoulder. She closed her eyes and let herself pretend for a moment that she wasn't a widow. James had liked to corner her in the kitchen like this. His stubbly cheeks scraped against her skin as he left open-mouthed kisses on her neck and shoulder. His hands came up to her waist and he pulled her tight against him and things that she hadn't felt in over a year and a half ignited within her. She moaned. 

"Shh," he murmured.

She turned in his arms and raised up on her tiptoes, bringing her mouth to his. He took control, leading her in a searing kiss just as deftly as he'd led her in the waltz moments ago. She let him take it, enjoying every sensation. He caressed her breasts, finding her nipples through her nightie with surprising accuracy. Her knees weakened and his thigh came up between her legs to steady her. It also gave her something to grind against.

She felt his fingers tighten on her nightie, the hem tickling the back of her calves, her thighs, the bare skin of her arse. He gripped her hips and hoisted her up onto the very edge of the counter and dropped to his knees in front of her. When he realised she wasn't wearing knickers he groaned and without hesitation leaned forward and put his mouth on her. She ran her fingers through his hair, tugging it and making it stick up at odd angles. She smiled thinking about his messy hair and how it never laid flat.

She was disappointed for only a moment when he didn't finish the job and stood, but the feeling washed away when he surged into her. She moaned and he echoed it. Every movement, every sensation, overwhelmed her. She could feel the zip on his jeans poking her tender lips but ignored it because having him inside her was too divine to complain. She shifted and moved under him, her need driving her hips to seek out friction. In her undulation, her arse slipped off the counter but he was so close his body stopped her from dropping. Her feet dangled and she gasped as he sunk deeper into her.

"Wrap your legs around me," he whispered and she did. With her help, he picked her up and took her the few steps toward the kitchen table. It was low enough that when he set her on it he could lay over her. It gave her the friction she needed. Completion rushed over her within moments and faded too soon afterwards. Her gasp was too loud but she couldn't remember why exactly she had needed to be quiet to begin with. He kissed her to quiet her. She felt him throb inside of her, loving the way his hips stuttered like he was just as overwhelmed by the sensations as she was.

As their breathing slowed Lily realised that she'd had her eyes closed the entire time. When she opened them she expected hazel eyes but was met with grey ones. Sirius met her gaze briefly before he looked away. He pulled from her and moved a few feet away, shifting to fasten his jeans. She sat up and pulled her nightgown down. He glanced up at her from across the kitchen with wide, worried eyes looking just as confused as she felt. He turned and walked out of the room; his door closed behind him with a _snick_.

 *** . * . ***

Lily found a note for Remus from Sirius the following morning stuck to the refrigerator door. _Meet you at the shack for the full moon. –Padfoot_. She couldn't help but feel like he might be avoiding her. That was all right with her since she didn't know how she was going to face him in the light of day after what had transpired the night before.

She wished she'd known what he'd been thinking. She knew what _she_ had been thinking about. James.

She had been thinking of James all day. His messy hair, his hazel eyes. The way he'd smile or do that over-exaggerated pout then crack himself up laughing. His laughter. The way he would have wanted sweets for his twenty-third birthday. And in a moment of weakness, she'd cheated on him. She had pushed the thought away as she went through the day: cleaning, playing with Harry, saying goodnight to Remus as he left for the shack to be a werewolf for the night. At every turn, no matter what she did, her thoughts circled back around to the truth of it. She had cheated on her husband.

When night finally settled and Harry was tucked in bed after dinner, Lily sat in the sitting room in the armchair by the fire and let her mind wander.

She was obviously a horrible person for cheating on James on his birthday. There wasn't anything around that. She couldn't believe she'd behaved the way she had. She should have said no or stopped him, not let her thoughts fade and enjoyed what they'd done.

Sirius was avoiding her now. She didn't blame him. She wanted to avoid herself. What sort of pathetic person let their physical needs direct their actions like that, with her husband's best friend? With her son in the next room? Harry could have got up and wandered into the kitchen and she wouldn't even have noticed.

Remus probably knew just by virtue of his werewolf hearing and sense of smell. He would have known just walking into the kitchen that morning and if he didn't, well, of course, his best friend would tell him. Sirius would confide in Remus and they'd both want her out of their lives. What sort of woman was she to disrespect James, on his birthday no less, by having sex with Sirius?

Lily wanted to cry but try as she might the tears wouldn't fall. She'd shed them all yesterday. She'd screwed things up. She'd just have to tell them that they could get a house but she and Harry would move out. She couldn't put herself in a position where she could screw up a second time.


	20. Confrontation

Lily woke up as she was being carried to her bed, the smell of morning dew and grass strong on the man who carried her. Her eyelids fluttered as she tried to wake up but sleep still held her too tightly in its grasp. She did see dark hair before she slipped back into dreamland and knew Sirius had come home.

When she awoke properly a few hours later, Lily was momentarily confused when she found herself in her bed. She was still wearing yesterday's clothes and her neck felt like she'd slept with it tilted at a funny angle most of the night. Had Sirius come home at dawn with Remus and tucked her into bed? That's what her mind was telling her but she wasn't sure she believed it. He'd avoided her. Ran away after they'd spent themselves in each other and stayed away all day. Was he feeling just as much regret and disgust as she was?

She climbed from bed and dressed, noting that Harry and a few of his quieter toys were missing. She supposed that Sirius might have taken him to play away from Remus so they didn't disturb him. Sticking Charmed to the fridge was another note, this time for her. _Took Harry to the park and the Thames to see the boats. Be back for dinner. —Sirius._

So he was still avoiding her. The unexpected alone time wasn't the best for her peace of mind but Lily took the day to venture into Diagon Alley. She window shopped and picked up a few things there before stopping by the grocers to pick up eggs and more red meat.

Sirius did an amazing job avoiding her. For an entire week she rarely saw him. Only notes on the fridge door and a few words at dinner, if he was there for that. Lily didn't know how she felt about that. While she told herself she didn't want to see him, she did miss him and even Harry noticed his absence.

Harry looked at the empty chair where Sirius usually sat during dinner and then looked at her, his bottom lip poking out slightly. "Uncle Padfoot not here?"

Lily glanced up to look at Remus, who was also frowning at Sirius's place setting, before returning her gaze to her son and answering him. "No, Harry, Uncle Padfoot isn't here."

"Where?"

"I don't know, sweetheart."

His bottom lip trembled before his eyes scrunched and he started crying. Her heart broke. She hated seeing her son cry. "Oh, Harry," she got up and moved around the table to pick him up but he pushed her away and flung himself out of his chair towards Remus.

Remus's eyes met hers and all she saw was worry and disappointment. He reached down and picked Harry up, holding him to him and rocking him. "You're okay, Harry, Sirius will be home soon."

Lily stayed crouched next to Harry's chair for a few moments longer before she stood and slid Harry's plate with his half-eaten dinner towards Remus. He gave her a nod and she pursed her lips, frustrated with both herself and Sirius. How could he just up and leave Harry? She knew he hadn't truly left, he still came back to the flat to sleep and he always left a note saying he'd be gone during the day.

She made the decision to set aside her own fears and worries and be brave for her son. She would confront Sirius with what his absence was doing and also explain how she and Harry would be moving out soon.

She had lost her appetite, so she took her plate into the kitchen to save the leftovers and clean up. She listened as Remus took Harry into the bathroom for his bath and later when he read him a bedtime story. She walked down the hall and watched Harry twist and bunch his blankets in his hand as he listened to Remus read. He must have seen the change in the light when she stepped into the doorway because he looked up at her. "Mumma?" he asked, holding out his arms.

She smiled and went to him, cuddling him. "Goodnight, sweetheart," she whispered to him. Remus had paused in his reading when she joined them but continued when she lay half on the bed next to Harry. He had a smooth, calming reading voice—not like James and Sirius who added voices and extra action—and she could almost fall asleep to it herself. When Harry's breathing evened out, she and Remus shared a quiet moment.

"I don't know why he's out all the time or where he goes," Remus whispered, "I wish I did, I'd go get his arse and bring him home." Lily was confused for a moment. Did Remus not know? How could Sirius have not told him? Maybe he was just as ashamed as she was. She decided not to say anything for fear of saying the truth and having Remus hate her as well. She just gave him a sad smile before standing. She touched his shoulder as she left the room, planning on sitting in the living room with the radio on to think about how she was going to confront Sirius.

 *** . * . ***

The confrontation with Sirius happened sooner than she had planned. The next morning before breakfast, Remus woke up early and stopped Sirius from escaping.

"Just have breakfast with us, Sirius. Harry misses you," she heard him say. She hadn't slept much the night before and was already in the kitchen fixing tea. As the men walked into the kitchen, Sirius stopped to look at her. She saw his eyes briefly glance at the counter and the kitchen table before he frowned at Remus and sat down at his usual place.

"So," Remus started, "What have you been doing all day this week?"

"Stuff," Sirius answered. There was a quick paced thumping and Harry ran down the hall into the kitchen. When he saw Sirius, his eyes lit up and he barrelled into him and climbed up into his lap.

"Uncle Padfoot!"

Sirius accommodated him, shifting so Harry could sit in his lap properly without hurting either of them. "Hey Prongslet."

"Where you go?" Harry asked, poking him in the chest with a stubby finger.

"I've been busy doing adult things. Did you like going to see the boats with me a few days ago?"

Harry nodded so quickly Lily worried he'd give himself whiplash. "You go boats no Harry?"

"No, I've been doing boring things. Things you wouldn't like."

Harry made a face that looked to be a cross between scrunching up his nose in dislike and pouting. All three adults made sounds of amusement at his reaction.

"Uncle Padfoot play?" Harry asked, climbing down and tugging on Sirius's hand. Sirius's gaze flicked up to Lily.

"Just until breakfast, Harry."

Lily and Remus shared the chore of making breakfast and there was little conversation until close to the end of the meal. "I've been thinking," Lily said, "I think it might be best if Harry and I moved out."

"What?" Sirius asked. "Why?"

She wanted to say that he knew why but held her tongue. "I think it would do us some good to be away from—"

"No!" Sirius said, standing. His chair slid and hit the wall behind him. "Why would you do—why would you even suggest something like that?" He was loud and Harry was staring up at him from his chair with wide eyes. "We're a family, we're supposed to stay together, how could you even...?" Sirius seemed at a loss for words in his anger. His grey eyes were stormy and he seemed to pin Lily in place with his gaze alone.

Remus had stood and was coaxing Harry from the table, "Let's go to the park, Harry."

"I just think that it's time, Sirius, I don't expect you to understa—"

"Really? Isn't that rich. He's my godson, you can't—" he closed his mouth and shook his head, realising that she could, in fact, keep them apart. "Don't do this," he said quietly, his voice starting to crack.

The door closing behind Remus and Harry seemed loud. "Please don't take him away from me," Sirius said.

Lily stood and he stepped closer. "I'm not taking him away. I just think that we... I mean, you're avoiding me! You can't even stay in the same flat with me and you think it's going to get bet—"

He had closed the distance while she spoke and interrupted her with a searing kiss.

Her hands lifted to push him away but instead gripped his shirt tightly in her fists. He put his hands on her waist and lifted her. She wrapped her legs around him, and he turned out of the kitchen and took her to his bedroom where he set her on the bed. His hands were everywhere, touching, caressing, tickling. He only pulled from her mouth to pull his shirt over his head before he was back to disrobing her and tasting her skin.

"We can't do this," Lily said, panting.

"Why not?"

"It's not right. James is—"

"Gone," he finished her sentence and raised himself up on his hands over her. "He's gone and he would have wanted you to be happy and move on. You know that."

She looked away from him before asking, "Would he have wanted me to move on with you? Is that what this is?"

"It can be whatever you want it to be, just... don't look at me like I'm the enemy afterwards," he kissed her again. Lily closed her eyes and gave herself up to the sensations he brought out in her. He stopped to speak. "Open your eyes, Lily." When she did, she met his, smouldering at her. "Look at me. _See_ me. Don't call me James."

She saw the truth in his eyes. She must have called him James that night. That's why he'd seemed so confused and horrified. It wasn't that he thought she was disgusting or unfaithful, it's that she'd let her mind substitute him for someone else and it had hurt him. He slid inside of her and she fought with herself, refusing to close her eyes, acknowledging that it was Sirius moving into her and bringing her pleasure only James had given her before.

His strokes were powerful and deep and Lily rocked her hips with his. Maintaining eye contact was intimate and erotic and Sirius's position over her gave her enough friction to chase her orgasm. The only time she allowed her eyelids to fall shut was when she succeeded in catching it. He slowed to give her a moment to relish in her ecstasy before he kissed her and chased his own.

When it was over and they were both satiated and panting heavily, Lily looked over at Sirius beside her on the bed. "That's why I should move out. We can't keep doing this. I'm not... I'm not ready for this. It's too soon."

Sirius nodded and though she expected him to argue he didn't. "I'm sorry, Lily," he said, pausing to return her gaze. "I understand. It won't happen again just... don't go away. Please, don't take my family from me." She nodded. She knew how important family was to Sirius and she didn't truly want to separate Harry from him uncles. She also trusted Sirius to be mature enough to put these two slips from the norm in their past and not speak on them. He had had enough casual sex in the past and knew not to kiss-and-tell, so to speak, that he wouldn't bring it up or pressure her in any way.

She assumed that was to be the end of their conversation but after a few minutes and their breath had evened out, he spoke again, "I've been house hunting while I've been out. I think I found the perfect one this time."

"Was this one built in the 1950s?" she asked, a hint of teasing to her tone.

He gave her a mischievous grin and just like that things returned to normal between them. "Nope."

Her eyes narrowed at him. "You didn't."

"Didn't what?" he asked, pretending he didn't know what she was talking about. He rolled away from her and picked up his trousers to pluck his wand from them. He summoned their clothes into two piles and started dressing.

She leaned up on her elbows and tugged her shirt over her breasts. "You didn't purchase land and hire a contractor and—and, I don't know—whatever is needed to have a house built, did you?"

He gave her a sly grin over his shoulder but the mischief slipped from his eyes. "No, but I found a house in a mixed Muggle–Wizarding neighbourhood. The house is actually older but I think you'll like it."

"How much older?"

"Built in the eighteen hundreds, I think, but it's been updated, Muggle amenities everywhere."

She flopped back in the bed. "Did you buy some hundred-acre estate?"

"Would you hate me if I did?" He waited and when she didn't answer he looked back to her and met her eyes; his were dark in the dim room.

"No, I wouldn't hate you, Sirius. Just call you foolish and get a bit brassed with you if you expected me to keep it clean without help." She sat up and pulled her shirt over her head.

"I didn't buy an estate."

"Thank Merlin," she muttered as she fished her knickers from the pile in front of her and pulled them on.

"It's about the same size as the last one we looked at. It is older, but, like I said, all modernized."

"Then what's the problem?" she asked, slipping her jeans over her knickers.

"It's not near London. It's in the West Country."

She spun on her heel to look at him. He was fastening his jeans. "Not... not Godric's Hollow?"

He stepped closer to her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders in a loose hug. "No, not Godric's Hollow. I couldn't," he paused and rested his cheek against her head, "I couldn't live there. Too close. I mean, I know that's where he's buried, but I just can't."

"Where then?"

"A little village called Hunstrete. It's lovely and there are several wizarding families already there, though I don't think any of them have children Harry's age." 

She nodded and he stepped back from her. "All right. When Remus and Harry get back... I suppose we can go see it?"

"We can go get them," he suggested.

She wrapped her arms around herself and left his room headed for hers. Before she entered it, she turned to look at him, "You didn't tell Remus about...?"

He shook his head, looking down at his feet. "No. Though we should probably clean up or he'll notice for sure." He glanced up at her and gave her a sweet smile.

After a quick shower, Lily and Sirius sought out Remus and Harry at the park down the street. Sirius explained about the house and Remus agreed they could go see it since he had the day off. An hour or two later as they were leaving, the adults all shared a look. Lily had fallen in love with the house and it's gardens and even Remus was smiling widely.

It took two weeks for the paperwork to go through and three days to move their belongings into their new, much larger, home.


	21. School Plans

Lily was leaning back on her new lounger in their new garden as Padfoot played with Harry. She sipped chilled pumpkin juice she'd purchased at the little Magical shop in the village. She hadn't had pumpkin juice since Hogwarts, not counting when Hagrid would bring a delivery of food to Godric's Hollow, and she was enjoying the tarty taste.

The weather was warm and sunny and Lily smiled, feeling content and peaceful for the first time in a long time. Padfoot came running towards her. He rolled over beside her and shimmered and Sirius looked up at her, panting. Harry followed and flopped next to him, panting and giggling.

"So," Sirius said, "I was curious about what you plan to do about Harry's schooling." He tilted his head to look at her without having to lean up.

School. She hadn't thought about it. "He's not even three yet."

"I know, I was just curious. I mean, my instruction started much earlier than Hogwarts."

She looked at him, confused. "So did mine, I went to a Muggle primary school."

He reached up and scratched at his scalp. "I forgot about that. What happened when you had accidental magic?" he asked. Harry shuffled closer to him to cuddle and laid his head on Sirius's shoulder.

She grinned. "I don't remember much accidental magic but I liked to drop my pencils on the floor and pick them up with magic. I'd do it when I was bored."

He raised his eyebrows and chuckled before laying his head back to look at the sky. "And no one caught you?"

She frowned, thinking about her sister and the one person who did catch her. "Another child did." Her tone had become a bit less mirthful and Sirius picked up on it and directed the conversation back to Harry.

"Has Harry had any accidental magic yet?" He ruffled Harry's hair.

"I don't think so. There was an incident with Floo powder," she said.

"Just that he activated the Floo with powder, you mean?"

"The powder had been on the mantle and he was on the floor with it when we found him. Remus thinks he climbed; there were scuff marks from his shoes on the moulding."

"Ah." He didn't bring up her statement from months ago about Harry being scared of the colour but he might have spoken to Remus about it or he had just figured it out on his own.

They were all quiet for a long time and Lily wondered if the boys had fallen asleep. She spoke softly in case they had. "I suppose, I'd want Harry to go to a Muggle primary school."

Sirius's answer was also soft, meaning Harry had slipped off to dreamland. "We can talk about it later. Remus might have something to add."

 *** . * . *  
**

"I was home-schooled, like Sirius, though my mum taught me. I didn't have a governess or tutor or whatever," Remus said as they sat around the new sitting room after Harry had been put to bed that night.

Sirius ducked his head as Lily looked at him. "You had a governess?" she asked him. It seemed like such an old-fashioned concept.

His lips twisted, first an embarrassed grin, then into a mischievous smirk. "For a while, yeah, Regulus and I had a governess and a tutor," he rolled his eyes, "I wasn't the only one. It's very common. James had one too!"

"Oh," Lily said, leaning back in her chair to think about that. Despite Sirius's parents being blood purists, his upbringing would be similar to James's. They'd both been brought up with money and privilege. After a moment, she looked back up to Sirius. "What was that like? Having a governess?"

Sirius shrugged and leaned back in his chair, sipping from his tea mug as he did. "They were annoying and strict. Got a Stinging Hex on the hand if I acted out too much. Hated the Latin lessons until we started learning spells when I was eight. The arithmetic tutor was all right, I guess, he wasn't particularly bad but did like to lean over our shoulders to see our work. He always smelled like onions and coffee." He frowned in disgust. "Tended to sniff close to my ear too, drove me batty."

Lily raised her eyebrows in thought. Latin lessons, good. Stinging Hexes on children, bad. "I don't know if I like that. Latin lessons don't seem like a bad thing, but..."

"If I have any weight in this vote, I think a Muggle school would be good for him," Remus spoke up. "I wish I'd gone to Muggle school. Couldn't because of, well... anyway, I think it's good socialisation. Plus, since my mother's Muggle, I was taught similar subjects. British and world history, geography, science."

"We had history lessons," Sirius tossed out, "though it was all probably skewed against Muggles. Lots of lessons about burning wizards and witches at the stake," he paused and nodded to himself as he looked at the floor in thought, "Lots of Muggle hate, fear. Politics. Merlin, I hated politics lessons."

"Why?" Lily asked, intrigued by the vast difference in early education between them.

"Too much back-stabbing and corruption. Which families support the Blacks, which are enemies. Who we can pay, how much it takes to flip certain families. Regulus loved that stuff," he mumbled and made a face. Lily couldn't tell if it was disgust or regret. She knew he'd cared for his brother to some extent and had mourned him when he'd heard he'd disappeared.

"What's with the schooling discussion, anyway?" Remus asked.

Sirius looked up at him and shrugged. "He's about the age I started my lessons. How old does he need to be for Muggle school?"

Lily scratched her fingers through the material of her chair while she thought, enjoying the way it changed texture depending on which way the fabric was brushed. "I started at age five." She glanced to Remus to get his answer.

He shrugged. "After I was bitten, so about five, I guess. I think there are some schools and programs that start earlier than that though."

She nodded. "Well, maybe we can enrol him in one of the pre-school programs when he turns four or five. And maybe, if you want to, Sirius, you could supplement that with... I don't know, early magical education?"

His eyes widened like he hadn't expected that. He took inhaled sharply but he nodded and looked away from her. His ears might have pinked but it was hard to tell in the dim light. "Sure, I can do that," he said. He smiled and looked up at her and then at Remus who nodded at him.


	22. October '83

The front door slamming one evening in early October brought Lily out of Harry's room where she had just finished tucking him in. She glanced back into his room to see he was still sound asleep. She left the door ajar behind her and headed toward the sound of boots stomping and low-pitched muttering. She met Remus coming from his room and they stepped into the front sitting room together to see what had riled Sirius up.

Sirius was dressed up nicely and he'd used an ironing spell on his hair to straighten it, making what was there look a bit longer. It dangled rakishly over the tops of his ears and over his forehead. His navy suit jacket had a black smudge across the front. He paced quickly, turning on a knut and retreating in front of the fireplace. 

Remus interrupted the pacing by asking, "Date not go well?"

Sirius's head snapped up to Remus and even Lily looked at him. Sirius's eyes darted to Lily before he nodded and dropped his chin to his chest. "Bird's ex-boyfriend showed up and she..." he frowned and jerked at his jacket to take it off and threw it across the room. "We weren't having the best dinner anyway but it just..." he shook his head as he trailed off. "About the only thing we had in common was we went to Hogwarts, I guess. Ravenclaw girl just left school in July..." 

Lily was confused. She wondered when he would have found someone to date, especially a fresh-from-Hogwarts-someone. "How did you meet her?"

He stopped his rambling and looked up at her. "Met her in Diagon Alley a week or two ago." He rolled his neck on his shoulders and there was a soft pop. "Started chatting her up and thought I'd ask her out. She didn't mention the ex-boyfriend nor that she still had feelings for him."

"What happened?" Remus asked, gesturing for Lily to take a seat. Sirius noticed and sat too, starting their nightly routine a little early.

"I don't know. Was flirting, teasing and stuff, then her eyes went wide and she tried to hide under the table. The ex must have still spotted her and came over to the table carrying a bouquet of flowers and a ring box," he pursed his lips and looked at the carpet, seemingly ashamed of what happened next.

"Sirius?" Lily asked, hoping to prod him along.

He looked up and locked eyes with her for a quick moment before he looked away. "I said something cocky and he hexed my plate on fire. The girl picked up my cup and tossed it at the flames, I guess thinking to extinguish it. Too bad I'd ordered a firewhisky," he laughed a little at the situation. That explained the black smudge on his clothes. "It's a wonder my eyebrows aren't singed off." He paused and looked up, rubbing at his eyebrows. "They aren't, are they?"

Lily had to laugh at that. "No, your eyebrows are fine. What happened next? I assume she took him back?"

"Seems she thought he wasn't committed to their relationship when he didn't propose at school or on the train home. Turns out he just wanted to go home and get his mother's ring first before popping the question. She left with him."

"Oh, Sirius," Lily said, shaking her head. "I'd hug you, but you probably smell like whisky. Go take a shower and I'll fix us some tea. I'm sorry your date went bad."

"Bad? It was a disaster!" he said.

Remus chortled and Sirius gave him an indignant look which caused Remus to chuckle harder. Lily tried to flatten her smile into something resembling sympathy, but seeing Sirius so flustered over a bad date was a bit humorous. He looked to her and his exaggerated frown was too much and she started giggling. He couldn't hold the frown for long with them laughing and soon he was laughing at himself too.

"Fine, fine. Bad date. No big deal. Do we still have any chocolate biscuits left?" he asked her. She nodded and he headed to his room to shower off the whisky and smoke clinging to his clothes.

* . * . *

In the weeks leading up to Hallowe'en, Lily didn't feel nearly as paranoid as she had the previous year. She still had moments where all she wanted to do was cry but she didn't give in to them like she had in the past. During the summer after their move to Hunstrete, Lily had taken up walking down to the shops with Harry. Sometimes Sirius would join them, sometimes as Padfoot.

A few days before Hallowe'en, on one of these trips, Lily purchased a medium sized pumpkin. She thought she would set it on the porch for decoration. Harry walked back with her, watching the pumpkin like it was going to do a trick or explode. When she settled it on the porch and stepped back to look at it, she realised what she'd done.

A decoration. For Hallowe'en. It seemed like such a small thing but it felt momentous. There was a quiet pop as Remus Apparated home from work and then a second louder pop as he materialised with his foot directly in the pumpkin she'd just finished admiring.

Harry startled from the noise then started laughing so hard that he fell over at her feet.

Remus was looking down at his foot, still encased in pumpkin. "Umm, Lily?" He looked up at her and Harry with the oddest expression on his face.

Sirius came out of the front door and looked around, wand in hand, "What was that?" he asked before he got a look at Remus. "Wha... What're you doing standing in a pumpkin, Moony?" he asked. His tone was level and he truly looked concerned for his friend.

Lily, who had been trying not to laugh, burst into giggles. Both men looked at her and Harry like they didn't know who they were.

"What's going on?" Sirius asked.

Remus picked up his foot and tried to shake the pumpkin off. It didn't budge. He shook his foot again and almost lost his balance. Sirius aimed his wand at the pumpkin and it exploded spectacularly. Harry howled in his laughter, the sound reminding Lily of Sirius's laugh which soon followed. Remus's deep chuckles followed as he joined in as well. Remus was still looking uncomfortable at his damp trouser leg. Chunks of stringy, orange pumpkin guts clung to the grey wool. Harry was the first to stop the insane laughing fit that had overcome all of them and he climbed the steps up to Remus and pointed at him, chiding him. "Uncle Remus!" He pointed to the pumpkin pieces littering the porch. His eyes scrunched like he was thinking hard to find the right word before he just spat out the only word he could think of that fit. "Ball was Mumma's!"

The adults just chortled again at his words. Lily climbed the steps and stood next to Harry. "Pumpkin, Harry, it was a pumpkin."

"Juice?" he asked. He reached down and picked up a stringy bit from the ground. He looked at it with confusion. He stuck out his tongue and touched the pulp to it. His face pinched and he tossed it away where it landed on Remus and added to his fruity macabre. "Yucky, not juice," he said, shaking his head.

"Everything's okay, then?" Sirius asked, the humour slipping from his face slightly. 

"Everything's okay. I had thought to decorate a little for Hallowe'en. Remus, it seems, was not keen on it."

"Hey, I didn't know you'd put something on my Apparition spot!" He defended himself, though he was still grinning. He flicked his wand at his trousers to vanish the pumpkin guts.

"I had forgotten that's where you usually Apparate. I'm... You know what, I'm not sorry because I think we all needed the laugh," she said. She vanished the remaining mess and held out her hand to Harry. "Come on, Harry, let's get started on dinner."

"Juice?" he asked, looking up.

"Yes, you can have some pumpkin juice."

 *** . * . ***

The day of Hallowe'en dawned and Lily wanted to be okay, but she had a feeling that despite the light reprieve they had with the splattered pumpkin a few days before, she, like Sirius, was going to be on edge and morose.

The day hadn't even truly begun when Harry let her know that he was going to have a bad day. She had been in the kitchen when there was a loud crash from his room. She went running just in time to see him stalk out, arms crossed over his chest, with the meanest scowl on his face. Inside the room was a disaster zone that briefly reminded her of his nursery in Godric's Hollow. The bookshelf that had been against the wall was now in the middle of the floor like it had been pulled down or fallen. She'd wanted Remus or Sirius to attach it to the wall but they'd argued against it. Now she was wishing she'd listened to her instincts. Harry could have been hurt if the bookshelf had fallen on him. She turned around and went in the direction her son had only to see him about to pull down the stereo in the sitting room.

"Harry, no!"

He paused and looked back at her, still scowling, but he didn't continue with his plan to throw the large stereo on the floor.

"What is going on?"

He harrumphed and sat down where he stood. She frowned as she looked at him wondering what had got into him. She looked around for Sirius, wondering where he was, surely with such a loud noise he would be investigating the disturbance to make sure they were okay. With Harry still pouting in place she felt secure enough to go look for Sirius. She tried his room which was on the other side of the house from hers and Harry's rooms. When she hadn't located him there she went back to Harry's room, maybe they'd missed each other and he was in there now.

She stepped fully into the room, thinking to discover what Harry had done to rip the bookcase from the wall. Had he tried to climb it? What she found sticking out from under the far side was a barefoot and a trousered leg.

She swore under her breath and dropped to her knees to try and uncover the man. "Sirius! Sirius!" she shouted, suddenly terrified. Is this how he felt when he'd found James and her, buried under rubble? She finally pulled away enough books that she could see his chest and her hand hovered over it for a moment before she touched him. She closed her eyes at the relief she felt at feeling his magic swirl under the skin then she levitated the shelf up and off of him. There was a horrible red mark where the shelves had landed on his face and she touched it gently before reviving him.

He awoke with a start, blinking in stunned confusion, and raised his hand up to touch his head and face where the shelves had crashed into him.

"Sirius?" she asked, her voice sounded small and scared even to her. He looked at her and gave her a small grin. "What are you grinning for? Harry tried to kill you!"

He chuckled a little but winced and put a hand to his chest. "Nah, just didn't like what I suggested."

"What?"

"Here, let me up," he said, sitting up and standing. He swayed on the spot and looked around the room. "Well, now I feel bad for disregarding your warning about attaching the shelves to the wall. Where is he?" He looked around and started toward the door.

"You should go to St Mungo's, Sirius, you're hurt. What happened?" She followed and when he paused in the hall she pointed in the direction she'd left Harry.

"I'll... I'll take a pain potion and you can cast an Episkey at my face. I'll be fine."

"Sirius—"

He turned back to her, stooped to look directly in her face and grasped one of her hands. "—and if I feel poorly tomorrow, I'll go see Madam Pomfrey. I'm not... I'm not going to be separated from you today. Deal?" he asked.

She nodded. "What happened?" she asked for the umpteenth time.

He smiled sheepishly. "I was going to give him the new broom I'd planned to buy him for his birthday. I waited because the shop said there was a new model coming out in September. So I thought today would be a good day for a gift. When I asked him to come outside he grabbed his old broom." He rolled his eyes and gave a face like he knew he'd done something wrong. "I told him not to bring it. He got mad and pulled the bookshelf down on me."

Lily pulled her hands from his to cover her mouth. "No, where'd he even... why the violence?" she stepped around Sirius and into the sitting room. Harry was still sitting crossed-legged on the floor in front of the stereo. "Harry, come here."

"No."

"Harry, come here now." She clenched her jaw. She'd never truly had to punish him. She remembered discussions with James about it, though. No yelling. No spanking.

"No," he said again.

She huffed and went to him. She stood in front of him and crooked her finger at him. "Stand up, Harry," her voice was firm and quiet. She would not let her temper and her worry for Sirius translate into violent punishment. He shook his head defiantly. She glanced back at Sirius who was watching the two of them with wide eyes like he didn't know what to make of her calm voice. She crouched down in front of her son and locked eyes with him. "Harry James Potter," she stated. He blinked at her, a little confused. "You will stand up, go apologise to Uncle Sirius for hurting him, and then you will stand in the corner for fifteen minutes for your misbehaviour. Do you understand?"

His face had lost some of the defiance and he was looking at her with wide eyes like he didn't know what was happening. He glanced at Sirius and then back at her.

"You pulled a bookshelf on top of him and really hurt him. That was wrong."

"But broom! Harry want to play on broom outside, Uncle Sirius said no!"

"Yes, and because you misbehaved and did something bad—you hurt Uncle Sirius—you have to sit in the corner. Now, go apologise."

Harry seemed cowed by her sternness and stood up. He stuck his bottom lip out and pouted as he trudged across the room to Sirius. Lily stood as she watched him and hoped Sirius would understand not to brush off what had happened. For Merlin's sake, he was unconscious when she found him!

Harry stood at Sirius's feet and craned his neck to look up at the tall man. Sirius knelt to make it easier for him and didn't say anything. Harry shuffled his feet, looking away from Sirius once he was face to face with him. "Sorry," he mumbled. 

"Ha—" Lily started to correct him but Sirius stepped in.

"Harry, look at me." When he did, Sirius continued, pointing at the red marks that crossed over his nose and cheekbone. "When you pulled the bookshelf down on me, you really hurt me. I think I deserve a proper apology, not something mumbled and reluctantly given."

It was an odd moment to Lily. She felt proud of Sirius and it contrasted sharply with the disappointment she felt in Harry. She had no idea her little boy could be so violent and worried that she had been doing something wrong as a mother.

Harry was quiet still, looking at the marks on Sirius's face and then he looked Sirius in the eyes. "I'm sorry, Uncle Sirius."

Sirius nodded. "Thank you and apology accepted."

"Go play now?" Harry asked, hopeful.

It was a heavy moment and Lily worried that she was doing the wrong thing when Sirius spoke again. "Not right now. You still have to have your punishment. Apologising was just the first part. Now you have to stand in the corner for fifteen minutes and then I think it will be time for breakfast." He stood and reached out a hand to Harry. "Come on, let's find you a time-out corner in the kitchen."

Lily watched as Sirius led Harry back into the kitchen. She followed in time to see Sirius turn the toddler to face the corner. He stepped back and shook his head at the little boy who looked back over his shoulder at him. Sirius flipped open his pocket watch to check the time and then turned to look at Lily. "Need help with breakfast?" He asked.

Despite being able to go play with the new broom Sirius bought him after breakfast, Harry was a bit cranky the rest of the day. When Remus arrived home in the early evening they all gathered in the sitting room earlier than normal. Harry was content to play with his Matchbox cars. Lily caught herself watching him and thinking about James. She didn't lose herself in her thoughts but she was contemplative.

She looked at her friends. James's friends. Her family. "Sometimes," she whispered, "it feels like it happened yesterday... and sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago." She swallowed the tears that were threatening to choke her. "I miss him so much."

Sirius got up from his armchair and sat next to her on the couch. He didn't pull her into his arms like she expected but instead reached down and held her hand. His eyes sought out Remus on his other side and then Harry who was starting to droop and in need of going to bed. He squeezed her hand but didn't say anything. He didn't need to.

 *** . * . ***

Three days later on Friday, Sirius's twenty-fourth birthday, Remus took the night off and the two of them went out together after dinner. Lily wasn't sure if she wasn't invited because she was a girl or because someone had to stay home and watch Harry. She wasn't too worried about it. She'd cooked his favourite meal for dinner because she never knew what else to get him.

She waited up for them for a few hours after she'd put Harry to bed but when they didn't return home by midnight she decided she'd go to bed. She worried but hoped that they wouldn't get into too much trouble. As she was starting to doze off she heard the front door open and someone shuffle in. She heard the rustle as they hung up their coat and head down the hall away from her.

In the morning as she was cooking breakfast for them, Remus slipped quietly into the kitchen behind her. "Umm, Lily," he started. When she turned to look at him he looked contrite and a little worried. "I just wanted to, umm, let you know..."

Just then, the front door swung open and Sirius strolled in. He was still wearing the clothes he'd worn the night before when they'd gone out and his hair was sticking up in all directions. He swaggered in, set an empty bottle of firewhisky in the rubbish, and looked up at both of them. He winked and whistled to himself as he went down the hall toward his room.

Lily looked back to Remus and asked, "Was that lipstick on his neck?"

Remus licked his lips and then bit the lower one. His eyes shifted away from her and then back and he opened his mouth to say something before closing it abruptly and nodding once.

Lily swallowed and wondered if the feeling tickling at the pit of her stomach was jealousy before she turned back to the cooker. "So you two went out last night. Do I need to worry about a girl coming out of your room and joining us for breakfast?"

"No. I..." he came closer to her and his breath was hot on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Lily."

She furrowed her brow and turned back to him. "Why? He's free to do as he pleases, same as you, Remus."

"Lily..."

She glanced over her shoulder at him and gave him a smile. "I'm a widow, not a prude. If he needs someone's company I'm not going to stop him. As long as he's safe."

"I guess," he said. He didn't sound completely convinced but he dropped the topic and moved around her to start setting the table. Lily wondered what about Sirius having a one-night stand was bothersome to Remus. As far as she knew, he'd never had a problem with Sirius's need to seek out physical comfort before.

"Do you think he's sober enough to eat?" she asked. A glance at him showed him shrug and she turned off the cooker and went to collect Sirius and Harry. She found Sirius sitting on the side of his bed with his shirt off looking at it with contempt. "Sirius?"

"Huh?" he asked. He turned to look at her and dropped his shirt behind him like Harry hiding a broken toy.

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"Just curious. You up for some breakfast?" She asked, her eyes lingering on the hot pink smudges on his jaw.

He reached up and brushed his hand against the marks where she was looking. "I'm going to take a shower first. Won't be long. You don't have to wait on me."

"All right," she turned to leave but stopped when she realised the emotion he seemed to be displaying. She put her hand on the door frame and caught his eyes. "You don't have to be ashamed, Sirius."

He looked down and the skin on his cheeks tinged pink under his stubble. "Right. I'm just going to shower then." He turned and headed into the bathroom away from her.


	23. Green Christmas

The two months leading up to Christmas saw Remus working so much that he started to look moon-weary all the time. The latest full moon, five days before Christmas had him so exhausted he almost fell asleep on his feet at work several times. When he came home on Friday, two days before the holiday, the skin under his eyes was bruised from lack of sleep as he trudged through the house on the way to his bedroom. He bypassed the kitchen table where Lily, Sirius, and Harry were sitting down for dinner and slammed his door. The sound was loud and started Lily so badly her spoon jerked in her hand and she splattered soup all over her and the table.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly before using her napkin to dab at the liquid she felt slipping down her forehead. She patted her face and her sweater before setting down her napkin. "I'll go talk to him," she said, volunteering.

Concern shown in Sirius's eyes but he nodded and addressed Harry who was staring at Lily with wide eyes. "It's okay. Uncle Moo-Remus," he cast a look at Lily to see if she noticed his slip, "Uncle Remus is tired. Eat up, scamp."

Lily grinned to herself as she left the room and headed to Remus's bedroom. She knocked softly twice and leaned closed to the door. She whispered, "Remus?"

There was an animalistic growl before he cleared his throat, "Come in."

She opened the door, stepped in, and shut the door behind her, leaning back against the wood. The room was dark aside from the light of the waning moon that spilt between the half-pulled curtains. She waited, knowing that if he was willing to allow her to enter, then he was willing to speak. She wouldn't have to inquire.

"Was let go again," he murmured. His words sounded muted and thick.

As Lily's eyes adjusted to the darkness of Remus's bedroom, she saw that he was sitting against the headboard with his knees pulled close to his chest, his face buried in his arms atop his knees. She walked towards him and climbed on his bed, kneeling beside him. He raised his face to look at her and she could just make out the slightest shimmer of tears in his eyes. She wanted to tell him that everything would be okay, that he'd find another job, that he didn't have to work, but those were things she'd said in January when he was fired from the grocers, and before that in March after his birthday when he was fired from the Ministry. The platitudes didn't do anything to make it easier to bear. So instead, she wrapped her arms around him and held him.

She didn't know the gut-wrenching feeling of losing one's livelihood. She didn't have to worry every week how to pay for food and though she knew he didn't either-she or Sirius would take care of him-she could understand the blow to his pride every time he was deemed unfit for the menial work he could find.

He didn't sob or shake, but she could feel his tense shoulders slowly relax under her hug and every so often she'd hear a ragged breath, quieter than a whisper but still noticeable in the otherwise silent room.

"I worked so hard," he muttered, "so hard. Took every shift, never complained. Worked when I probably should have been in bed from pain. Didn't matter. Wasn't good enough."

"You are good enough, they don't know what they're losing."

He harrumphed softly through his nose and laid his head on her shoulder. After a moment he asked, "What was for dinner?"

"Chicken double noodle soup."

"If it tastes as nice as it smells on your sweater, I hope there is some left."

She giggled and leaned back from him to push at his shoulder. "Jerk. I wouldn't have spilt it if you hadn't of slammed the door."

"Sorry."

"It's fine, Remus. We'll just have a good Christmas, the four of us. We could go ice skating and let Sirius trounce us at it. Or take him out as Padfoot. You know, I bet he'd run out onto the ice and slide around just to get us to laugh."

"The pads of dogs' feet have better traction than hooves. We tricked Prongs onto a frozen pond once. It was hilarious." He chuckled but then added, "until he changed back and we saw how bruised his face was from sprawling antlers first onto the ice a couple of times."

"I remember that!" she said. She remembered someone asking James what happened at the breakfast table at Hogwarts in sixth year and his answer of, 'You should see the other guy,' had made her snigger at just the wrong moment and she had pumpkin juice spray out of her nose.

Remus grinned and sighed heavily. He wiped at his face with the back of his hand and bumped her with his shoulder. "Let's go eat. Moping won't do me any good."

 *** . * . ***

Christmas morning dawned soggy and cold and Lily pulled a sweater down over her pyjamas before following a very excited Harry into the sitting room. Sirius had taken Remus's new free time as a challenge and dragged him and Harry outside into the wet snow to find the perfect tree. They'd brought it back and set it up in the centre of the room and Harry was chosen as the main decorator.

Sirius had set up a box of ornaments and told Harry to put them up. When the box started to run low and it didn't look like Harry was stopping anytime soon, Sirius had floated some of the ornaments from the other side of the tree back into the box so he could keep going. The process seemed to tickle Remus and the entire time he watched them he had suppressed amused snorts and chortling behind his hand. Finally, when Harry had worn himself out and showed signs of stopping, Sirius floated the rest of the ornaments onto the tree and hoisted Harry up to place a star at the top. Remus had cast a spell that made the star twinkle and Harry squealed with joy. Soon after, he had fallen asleep cuddling the-now shaggy-Padfoot. 

Lily grinned for the customary just-out-of-bed photograph and asked, "Do you only get me just out of bed, or do you get the others too?"

"I get Harry and I got Sirius last year," Remus answered.

Lily looked at Sirius, who was dressed in an ugly sweater that looked itchy. "Did you get him this time, in that monstrosity?"

Sirius pretended to be indignant. "Monstrosity? I'll have you know I bought this at-what was the name of that store, Moony?"

"I don't think it was meant to be worn. I don't know how you stand it, it looks itchy, how is it not itchy?"

Sirius shrugged but did grimace when the material rubbed against his skin. Lily gave a look to Remus who snapped a picture of Sirius and his ridiculously ugly sweater.

"Maybe I should take the pictures, so you get in some," Lily said, but Remus shook his head and refused to give up the camera.

"Mumma! There's presents!" Harry shouted, having had enough of the adult banter. He pointed to the pile of gifts under the tree. The pile was smaller than last year's; Lily had tempered Sirius's attempts to buy out the toy store this year. 

"All right, Harry. Mummy colour-coded the gifts this year so you could pass them out. Are you ready?" she asked, taking a seat on the armchair across from Remus.

Sirius had teased her when she suggested the idea of colour-coded wrapping paper. "As long as you don't give Harry green. What if he gets sorted Slytherin later?" he'd said, putting a hand to his chest like the idea was horrifying. Lily had laughed and told him she'd take green, she looked good in it. He hadn't replied but she thought she'd seen his ears redden as he looked away.

"Red first!" Harry shouted and jumped up and down before picking up a red box.

"Red is all for you, Harry, go ahead and open it," she told him. Instead, he stopped and looked at it then set it down. He bent down and pointed at a white one and then looked back at her. "White is for Uncle Sirius," she said. He picked up the white box and took it to Sirius, after he'd handed the box off he stopped and watched him, waiting for him to open it.

Sirius grinned at Harry and obliged, shredding the paper in two quick movements. Inside he found a pair of colourful, knit socks. They were red and had little snitches on them but the pattern had been charmed and the snitches flapped and flew around the leg. He smiled and looked up at Lily, knowing it must have been from her. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. It's very difficult to buy for you, you know."

He nodded and then looked down at his feet and plain white socks. He plucked each boring sock off and donned his new colourful ones. Remus snapped a picture just as Sirius held out both feet in front of him at an odd angle to see the dancing pattern. Without pausing or looking up, Sirius flicked up two fingers at Remus and the camera before breaking into a pleased grin.

Harry went back to the tree and picked up a blue box. He seemed to study the label and even though she knew he couldn't read, his brow furrowed and his little eyebrows bunched together briefly before he looked up at Lily and Remus. He must have decided that blue was for boys because he took the box over to Remus and set it in his lap.

Remus glanced at the label to verify that it was his before he too ripped the paper and opened the box. Inside was a jar of premium powdered chocolate to make hot cocoa with a label on the front that said 'All Moony's'. He looked up at Sirius and smiled. He must have been able to smell the chocolate through the jar because he breathed deeply before actually voicing his thanks.

By order of elimination, Harry figured out that the green boxes were Lily's and brought her a box. He waited, watching to see what sort of present she would get. He hadn't seemed very impressed with the first two gifts, but he was being sweet and waiting his turn which Lily found precious.

Remus sniggered when she first started to open it, slipping her fingernail under the tape to unwrap it without ripping the paper. Harry's shoulders slumped and he sighed dramatically when she did it. She bit her lip as she watched her son and then ripped the paper with both hands. He jumped up and down with excitement and clapped his hands. "Open!" he said when she stopped.

She opened the small box and found a voucher to Twilfitt and Tattings on Diagon Alley for a set of robes. At first, she wasn't sure who it was from and she looked up, hoping the puzzlement wasn't visible on her face. She looked to Sirius first who shook his head minutely, though he had a tiny smirk on his face. Her eyes darted to Remus who was busy reading the ingredients of his cocoa. "Remus?" 

"Hmm?" he asked, looking up with confusion. He blinked at her.

"Thank you," she said, waving the voucher, knowing it had to have cost a lot.

He smiled. "You're welcome."

"Harry's turn!" Harry shouted and picked up the red box he'd picked up previously. He sat down almost under the tree and tore at the paper. He opened the narrow box and looked inside. He hesitated before reaching in and pulled out a slender piece of wood. It was small, shorter than an average wand, but there was nothing else it could have been. He held it like he'd seen the adults hold theirs and flicked it. There was a swishing sound effect that came from it and the tip illuminated a bright white. Harry's eyes widened in wonder and he squealed and flicked it again. Another sound effect and the tip glowed a different colour. He jumped around and pointed the wand at different things, flicking and swishing it as he went.

"You made him a toy wand?" Lily asked, glancing back and forth between Sirius and Remus.

"Joint effort," Sirius said, gesturing to Remus with a nod, "Remus's idea though."

"Will it do more than just light up?"

"He'll have to learn the right wand movements first, but yeah, there are a few built-in spells," Remus added. Lily smiled at them and watched as Harry twirled the wand just so and a puff of blue smoke shot out the end. ' _Blue!_ ' Remus's voice spoke from the wand. Harry clapped and repeated the word before darting out of the room toward the kitchen.

"Marauder's secret?" Lily asked, glancing to Remus when she recognised the spell.

"He's an honorary Marauder. Can't be fully inducted 'til he goes to Hogwarts, though," Remus answered.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Harry," she called her son, "come back, you've got more presents!"


	24. Pretend

After Christmas, Sirius pulled his motorbike out of storage and started tinkering with it during the day. The shiny newness of a motorbike intrigued Harry and he started spending every moment with Sirius so he could investigate it properly.

Lily thought nothing of it until one day she heard Sirius shout, "Wait, come back Harry, let me cleanthe grease off you!" She had stepped out of the bedroom she was in folding clothes to meet Harry and Sirius at the back door. Harry was coated in brownish-black grease from his fingers to his elbows and his knees were stained as well. He was running toward the door when she stepped in the way, hands on her hips eyes narrowed at the two miscreants.

"So this is why he's had mysterious stains on his clothes lately," she said.

Sirius's mischievous grin would have given him away but when he bit his top lip and glanced away from her, it was confirmed. He didn't bother trying to pretend he hadn't been doing anything wrong. "Well, the first time, I was just tinkering with the engine and I summoned something to me that he happened to be holding so he followed to see what I was doing with it. After that, well, he seemed interested, so I would talk and explain what I was doing as we did it."

"Do you even know what you're doing?" she teased.

He shuffled his feet for a minute before scooping up Harry. Harry's hands came up and wrapped around Sirius's neck, spreading the nasty muck all over them. From where they stood a few feet away, Lily could smell the grease and it mixed with the sweat starting to settle on their skin. At least Sirius was keeping that part of the yard warm with spells so Harry wouldn't catch cold. "I know enough. James bought me a few books when we first got it plus I've got the manual."

"Have you read it?" Lily dropped her arms and crossed them, the wintry weather seeping through her sweater. Maybe she should have asked Sirius to include the walkway from the back door within the warmed area he'd charmed.

"Some of it. Enough to know what goes where and what I need to charm to make the bike go faster."

"It doesn't need to go faster."

Harry snuggled closer to Sirius, no doubt starting to feel the chill of the weather, and smeared more grease on his face.

"I beg to differ."

"Of course you do," she relented. "Clean him up and bring him in, he's cold."

"I am too. Come on, Prongslet," Sirius said. He cast the Cleaning Spell twice and looked over her child before deciding he was clean enough. Lily stopped him with a raised hand when we went to come in, then raised her wand at them. "Oh, I suppose I need one too, huh?"

She grinned and cast the Cleaning Spell and watched as the grease disappeared from his skin. "You still smell," she said, then she reminded him. "You said you'd take him to the Weasleys' place for his playdate with Ron this afternoon so I could cash in that voucher that Remus got me and have a few hours to myself. The spell got most of the muck but you both probably need a bath before going."

"Right. I'll get him his bath first and then I'll take one. Do you need any money for anything else?"

"No, I'm good," she told him as he walked past her into the house.

"All right. Have fun."

"You too."

 *** . * . ***

Sirius wondered how old Harry needed to be before he took him up on his motorbike as he scrubbed the grease from his hair. He figured probably at least five if he didn't want to risk Lily's wrath.

When he was out of the shower and dressed he glanced at himself in the mirror to make sure he was presentable. Jeans, dark blue sweater with a band t-shirt underneath, leather jacket and boots. His hair had grown far enough to warm his ears but it wasn't long enough to pull back. A day's worth of scruff, but nothing too shaggy. Ready to go.

He followed the quiet sounds coming from Harry's pretend wand and found him concentrating as he twitched his wrist. Nothing happened and he frowned. He tried again, spinning the wand in his hand and a small jet of water shot out for a second. He grinned with pride and jumped up and down. "Did you see?" he asked Sirius.

"I did. Are you ready to go play with Ron and his brothers?"

Harry looked at his wand and back at Sirius. "Can I take toy?"

"Better not. The Weasleys will have plenty of toys," he said. He wasn't sure despite his words to the youngster. He'd only met Molly and Arthur Weasley once or twice during the war and at Gideon and Fabian's funeral. He didn't really know their situation but with all of the children that Lily and Remus had said they had, then surely they had enough money and toys to go around. He bundled Harry up in a thick coat and hat before guiding him to the Floo. "Come on, Harry, I've got to hold you still."

"I don't like it."

"I know, mate, but this is how we've got to go for now." He held Harry tightly to him. "Ready? Close your eyes." When he did, Sirius tossed in a pinch of powder and called out, "The Burrow." The fire flashed green and Sirius stepped into it. He closed his own eyes and felt the familiar spin. When the spinning started to slow, he knew his grate was next. He took another step and opened his eyes to find himself in a cosy little kitchen that smelled of roast and baking carrots.

Molly Weasley, a little plumper than he remembered, stepped close and greeted him. "Hi, there. You must be Sirius Black."

"I am," Sirius said, nodding. He leaned to the side to get a better look at Harry. "You can open your eyes, Harry." The little boy did and looked around, finding Molly with his eyes before he leaned close to Sirius. "Don't be shy, buddy, you've met Mrs Weasley."

"Ron and the boys are outside with Arthur. I know it's a bit cold but they've got to get all that pent up energy out now or else they'll just never go to bed," Molly said, pointing towards a door leading outside. "You go on and I'll be out with Ginny in a few minutes."

Sirius went where she pointed and set Harry down to walk on his own. He reached up and grasped his hand as they emerged into the cold February air. The seven men of the Weasley family were in the yard right in front of the door. Each one decked out in knit scarves, hats, mittens, sweaters, and patch-worked coats of all colours. Harry giggled and darted towards the smallest bundled boy, Ron, who greeted him with elated joy and lots of jumping, grabbed his hands and pulled him further away from the others, obviously ecstatic to have a friend that, for the moment, was solely his.

Sirius walked over to Arthur who was standing nearby with his wand in his mittened hand, periodically casting Warm Air Charms in the general vicinity of each group of playing children. "Arthur," he greeted.

"Sirius, how are you doing?" He asked, smiling widely. He was content with just a nod as the answer and went back to watching the children and casting.

"Have you thought about casting a permanent warming charm on a small part of the yard?" Sirius asked, thinking it would be more convenient, especially with so many children.

"No, no, Molly is fond of seeing the snow come right up to the door. Plus, Ottery St Catchpole's a mixed village, you know, can't have anything suspicious."

"Right," Sirius answered and glanced around. He could see an oddly shaped house just past the ridge and there was a dirt path that led off in another direction but for the most part, there were large apple orchards as the most direct neighbours. They had no privacy fence like his property. His and Lily's and Remus's.

Arthur cast another Warm Air Charm towards the three children, two of which were playing keep-away with a third. The keep-away item might have been the middle child's glasses. Sirius didn't think it was his place to say anything so he kept his lips closed. Arthur cast a Warm Air Charm in his direction as the door opened and Molly stepped out with the youngest, little Ginny, who was bundled up even more than the boys. Ginny headed straight for Harry and Ron who had found a small pile of rocks to play near. Sirius and Arthur headed closer to see what they were doing.

Harry leaned over the rock pile and fiddled at it with his hands then stood up and wiped at his brow, knocking his hat askew. "What you doing?" Ginny asked, muffled through her scarf. Sirius wondered how she could breathe with the fabric wrapped around her face like it was.

"Fixing my motorbike," Harry answered like it was the most normal thing in the world.

"What's a mot-bike?" Ron asked, obviously unfamiliar with the concept.

"MoTORbike," Harry repeated, emphasizing the middle syllable.

Ron rolled his eyes. "What is it?"

Harry's face took on a confused look and he turned to Sirius. "What is a motorbike?"

Molly seemed to catch on and looked to Sirius, her hands already going to her waist like that would intimidate him. "You're not messing around with such Muggle things in front of him, are you?"

"Why wouldn't I? He's a good little helper," Sirius answered, unsure why she was unhappy with the idea. Wasn't Arthur a Muggle-phile? He crossed his arms and tucked his hands under them to help warm them. He should have looked for some gloves and maybe a hat for himself; it was cold out.

"What sort of thing are you teaching him?" she asked, sounding both indignant and offended.

"It's good to have a healthy curiosity in Muggle things, Molly," Arthur spoke up and gave Sirius a co-conspiratorial sort of look.

Sirius thought he should elaborate. "Well, he does have Muggle family and when he's old enough we'll be enrolling him in pre-school. We think he should know about both aspects of his heritage."

"What's this 'we'?" she asked, though it seemed she'd already come to a set of conclusions that she didn't approve of and added, "He's not your child, you shouldn't have any say. It should all be Lily's decision. If you want a say when it comes to a child's education, then you should find a nice witch to marry and have your own." She turned away and called Ginny to her who came to her reluctantly. "Come here Ginny; let's go see what Bill and Charlie are up to."

At the mention of the older boys, Ginny's eyes lit and she happily followed her mother across the small yard. Sirius's brain seemed to spasm at her words. What if he didn't want some other witch or some other child?

Arthur's apology interrupted the thought. "Sorry about that. She's not particularly happy about Muggle things lately. I made a big purchase recently that she'd not agreed with at all," he murmured to Sirius so Molly wouldn't hear.

Sirius returned that co-conspiratorial smile and asked, "What sort of purchase?"

"I bought an automobile. An actual, moving, Muggle car!" he said, his whisper strained in his enthusiasm. "Does your motorbike go?"

"Yeah, "Sirius answered, pulling his wand to cast a Warm Air Charm of his own in their vicinity and over the boys as they played. "It's functional, plus I added some features. It can fly."

Arthur's eyes went wide with excitement. "Really? How did you do it?" he asked and Sirius decided that he liked Arthur Weasley. He cast another Warm Air Charm and stepped closer to discuss flying charms.


	25. James Day

Before Lily knew it, what would have been James's twenty-fourth birthday was upon them. Sirius had decided they'd have a small party with blue iced fairy cakes and presents for the four of them. He'd hung red and gold streamers and set up tiny canons that he Transfigured out of plates that shot wisps of red and gold smoke into the air at random intervals.

Remus had babysat Harry while Sirius set up the party and Lily had taken the time to visit James's grave in Godric's Hollow. It was the first time she could bring herself to go.

 _Through sheer force of will, she went to the house first and watched as the memorial sign faded into view. The plaque was pristine and gave a synopsis of James's life and mentioned how he bravely died for his wife and son. The statue Dumbledore had built didn't capture James's face at all but the artist had done a good job at getting his messy hair right. The entire thing—the memorial plaque, the hidden house, James's statue—it all seemed so impersonal, it didn't capture anything about who he was. Her eyes gazed over the damaged house and she wrapped her arms around herself tighter, willing the unease in her gut to settle. It was just a destroyed house. There wasn't anything left that showed it had been her home with him. Nothing but the brief mention on the plaque._

 _Lily walked on and stood at the kissing gate leading into the graveyard attached to the quaint church in the centre of the village. It had been a feature of the village that had made the move to Godric's Hollow from their first house tolerable and yet she'd never had the chance to attend. It saddened her but not overly much. Attending church had been something that her parents had always insisted upon, even after they found out she was a witch. If they'd ever had misgivings about her magic and the witchcraft denounced in the religious text they followed they never let on. They had loved her just as all-encompassingly as she loved Harry. She wished they had been alive to meet Harry. They'd barely been able to know James._

 _She slipped past the kissing gate and followed the path that Sirius had described to her. Last year, before he'd come home drunk and they'd had sex in the kitchen, this had been where he'd gone. At the headstone that read 'Potter' she stopped. It had his name and his birth and death dates. There was a quote at the bottom that she didn't remember signing for, but below his name and the blank space next to it—where her name would go one day, she assumed—was the line, "The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death." Lily wondered if Sirius had added it later, but she doubted it. That wasn't the sort of thing he would say or think. It reminded her of Dumbledore and she wondered if he'd had it carved, or done it himself. It didn't matter really._

 _The James she knew and loved wasn't here. His decaying body was below her feet and though she missed him, the ache she felt in her chest seemed lessened by the time that had passed. She would be okay. Sirius had been right, she thought, she was moving on and James would have wanted that. There wasn't anything in this graveyard or in this village for her. With that in mind, she'd glanced around for Muggles and then Disapparated back home._

"You here?" Remus asked when she came back to the present. She blinked at the golden smoke she was staring at and then turned to look at Remus. She forced a sad smile but nodded. "Yeah."

"How was it?" Sirius asked as he came in, carrying a stack of four boxes.

Impersonal, she thought. "Cold," she said instead.

He nodded like he understood and maybe he did. "Harry, come in here, we're having a party!" he shouted. He set the gifts on the table and when Harry darted in, Sirius clapped his hands. "All right? Ready?"

"We aren't singing, are we?" Lily asked, biting her lip nervously.

Sirius frowned and shook his head, but then flicked his wand and a short jingle played out in the room. It wasn't the birthday song and it wasn't sad, which Lily appreciated. "So, we're having a party. We've got gifts and fairy cakes!" He smiled at all three of them.

There wasn't much of a party atmosphere, but Lily didn't think Sirius expected one. Harry craned his neck up to look at Sirius and then he looked back at them and at the blue fairy cakes on the table. Sirius sat down on one of the chairs at the table and handed out the gifts.

Harry's was a new Matchbox car and he grinned happily as he opened it. Remus's was a new chartreuse-coloured cardigan that already came with leather elbow patches. Lily's was a picture frame decorated with one of Harry's attempts at finger painting and the image inside was a photo of James and her dancing at their wedding.

"Thanks, Sirius," she murmured as she gazed at it lovingly.

"Why having a party?" Harry asked innocently. She looked past the frame to see him looking up at her with a furrowed brow.

She set the frame on the counter behind her and answered him. "We're celebrating your daddy's birthday."

His brow stayed knitted then he seemed to relax. He turned to Sirius, reached up and hugged him. "Happy birff-day," he said and then he took his new toy and ran from the room to add it to his collection.

Lily's mouth had fallen open in shock and she blinked at Sirius who was frozen in his chair. She had done such a good job of not crying this year, but it didn't matter, the tears burst from her with so much force she bent double as she wrapped her arms around her stomach protectively. "He's not going to remember James," she sobbed, gasping sharply as the revelation caused her breathing to stop momentarily.

Two pairs of arms wrapped around her and she was enveloped in the heat of Sirius and Remus. "We'll not let him forget," Remus said.

Sirius added, "As he gets older, we'll share more stories with him. More pictures. We have so many pictures. We'll make sure he knows James. I promise." His voice sounded strained and he might have joined in with Lily's tears but her gasping sobs were too loud in her ears for her to notice.

 *** . * . ***

"Harry," Lily asked as she tucked the little boy into bed later that night.

"Mumma?" he asked. He reached up and touched near her eyes which were bloodshot and puffy from all the tears she'd shed early.

"Why do you think Uncle Sirius is Daddy?"

His lips pursed and he seemed to contemplate the question for a moment before speaking. "Dada gone. Dada came back."

Lily nodded and felt her stomach clench. He really didn't have much recollection of James at all. She wondered if this was partly her fault, she'd only had the courage to try and explain that James wasn't coming back shortly after Sirius went to Azkaban. If she'd tried to explain earlier maybe he would understand now.

Harry grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "Wrong, Mumma?"

She nodded. "Uncle Sirius isn't your daddy, sweetheart. He's... he's your uncle. Your daddy's brother."

"Brother?"

"Like Ron and his brothers?" He nodded and she continued, "Sirius and James, your daddy, were brothers. Uncle Sirius is Uncle Sirius, not daddy."

"Sleepy, Mumma," he murmured and reached out to her again. She leaned down and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

"Then sleep, my darling Harry. I love you."

"Wuv you," he whispered.

She knelt there next to his bed and watched him sleep. His eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks and her heart thumped in her chest as she contemplated how much she loved him.

"I wouldn't mind..." Sirius's voice floated to her in the darkness of the room from where he stood at the door. "I wouldn't mind if he called me daddy. I know you don't want him to forget James. I don't either but if that's what he does it wouldn't bother me."

She stood and turned to him. She gave the shadowy space where she knew he was standing a tight smile and nod, but then she looked back at Harry asleep in his bed. She felt Sirius's arm come around her waist as he stepped into her space and she let her body be pulled back against his chest. She closed her eyes and wondered what James would want her to do.


	26. Flowers

Two months passed with a semblance of normality in the Black-Lupin-Potter household. Remus, not content to sit around doing nothing, sought out another job, this one as a waiter at a seafood restaurant in London. Sirius went out more often, sometimes on his bike, sometimes by Apparition. Lily left the house more often as well, taking Harry on walks around the village and down to the shops. She and Harry were getting to know the neighbours by face and greeting if not by name.

Remus and Sirius came home right before dinner one Wednesday in late May when the marigolds were blooming in Lily's flowerbeds. Remus headed directly to the shower to wash the smell of grease and fish from his skin and Sirius handed Harry a new Matchbox toy and propped himself up against the counter. He had one of his mischievous smirks in place and Lily, feeling playful, reached up and tugged on his hair as she passed him.

"What's up your sleeve?"

She had meant it figuratively, of course, but he shifted to the right and slipped a bouquet of flowers from behind his back and presented them to her. His smirk had shifted into a nervous grin like he was worried she wouldn't accept his gift.

"What's this for?" She asked, taking the bouquet of pink and yellow flowers from him to bring to her nose. Unfortunately, they didn't smell like much of anything, one of the downsides of Muggle flower shops; whatever they did to the flowers robbed them of their unique smell. "Thank you, Sirius," she murmured as she turned and Transfigured a vase from a clean tea mug. She filled the vase with some water and added the flowers, arranging them briefly before setting them on the counter away from dinner.

He was being uncharacteristically quiet and she wasn't sure what to make of it, so she asked another question. "Where have you been going lately?"

This one he answered. "I got a job at Quality Quidditch Supplies in Diagon Alley. Just for the experience, you know, I don't know that retail is my thing." He shrugged and when she pointed to a serving dish and gestured toward the table he obliged and carried it to the table with the potholders she provided.

"I don't know, I think with your charming personality you'd do well in retail."

"You think I'm charming?" he asked, sneaking a peek at her from the side of his eyes. It reminded her of something James would have said when he would flirt with her back at Hogwarts and she rolled her eyes at him.

She caught sight of Harry still playing on the floor with his toys in the other room. "Harry, go wash your hands; it's time for dinner."

"Lily," Sirius said, sounding so unsure and unlike himself that she turned to face him. "Will you go out on a date with me?"

Time stood still and the only sound Lily could make out was the rushing of blood in her ears. She blinked and her vision seemed to darken around the edges before everything snapped back into place and she swayed in place when Harry barrelled into her, chattering about something that she couldn't focus on. She swallowed and sucked in a deep breath; she'd forgotten to breathe. Sirius was still looking at her, his grey eyes piercing her, pinning her. She didn't understand how he could say so much with just his eyes.

"Yes," she said, shocking herself just as much as she must have shocked him. She'd been silent for longer than she'd thought. She swallowed again, the lump in her throat finally seeming to pass, and nodded. She smiled at him and the smile and wink he gave her in return broke the moment. He was still Sirius; she shouldn't expect too much.

 *** . * . ***

Remus had to work on the Saturday Sirius had decided for their date so Lily had owled Molly to ask if she would mind babysitting Harry for a few hours that evening. Molly agreed and Lily took Harry to the Burrow half an hour before Sirius had said to be ready for dinner.

She'd donned a flattering green dress that was a wonderful mix between a Muggle cocktail dress and witch's robes that she'd bought with that Twilfitt and Tattings voucher Remus had given her for Christmas. At the time she bought it, she hadn't found anything else in the shop that called out to her—everything had been a bit too formal. Now she was glad she had it.

"All right, Harry, you're going to be having dinner with Ron and the Weasleys." He only grinned at her and waved. She was happy he'd finally got over his tantrums at the word goodbye. "Bye, love, be good and have fun."

"Love you," he said, smushing his face into her knees in a quick hug before he darted into the living room where she could hear the voices of the other children.

"Don't you look lovely, dear," Molly said as she came bustling in from the direction Harry had went.

"Thank you," Lily said and then added, "and thanks again for taking him. Remus had to work."

"No worries, we love having him here. And what of Black? Off gallivanting, I suppose?" Molly said, tucking a tea towel into her apron and turning to the cooker to check the many pots she had simmering there.

"Umm, no." Lily was confused at the snub against Sirius. What had he possibly done to get on the bad side of Molly Weasley? "He's who I'm going out with tonight."

The older witch tsked at her and shook her head. "That boy is trouble; you shouldn't be bothering with the likes of him." She waved a spatula she'd picked up to emphasise her words.

Lily, although taught to be unfailingly polite to her elders, was also a firebrand who defended her friends fiercely and when she spoke her voice might have had more of an edge than she'd intended. "What do you know about him, Molly?"

"Well," she started, and she turned to look at Lily like she was sharing the juiciest morsel of gossip, "There was an article about him in the _Daily Prophet_ a few months back. They even had pictures where he made a right public display of himself. Got roaring drunk and propositioned a girl out with her friends at the Three Broomsticks—thankfully it wasn't a schoolgirl as that would have been worse—but what's more is he followed through! The girl apparently said yes and they left together! It was scandalous!"

Lily remembered the hot pink lipstick marks on his neck and collar and the sting of jealousy she'd ruthlessly stamped out of her system. "That was his birthday, a few days after the second anniversary of James's death."

"You don't just solicit women like that!"

"You were a virgin up to the day of your wedding, I take it?" Lily countered, guessing. She must have come close to the truth because Molly spluttered and her face went red. Lily wasn't sure if it was in anger or embarrassment. "He needed physical comfort and he sought it out. I don't begrudge him that. There were plenty of times when James and I found solace in the act during the war."

"But you two were married!" she stressed, her hands on her hips like she was trying to intimidate.

"And at the time he was single. How do you think he's supposed to find a witch to marry if he doesn't talk with them?" Molly's face was now splotchy red and Lily worried that this argument was going to destroy their budding friendship and botch her date night. "Remus gets off work at half eight, he'll pick Harry up then. Thank you again for watching Harry, Molly," she said, shutting the conversation down with her goodbye. She nodded at the angry witch and Disapparated out of the kitchen back into her own.

She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the fridge door, breathing through tightly clenched teeth.

 *** . * . ***

Sirius found her shortly thereafter and stepped into her space, putting his arms around her waist and holding her. "What's wrong?" he whispered.

"Molly Weasley and her high and mighty gossip-filled opinions."

"She's not a big fan of mine, no," he murmured against her shoulder.

"Did you know your drunken one-night-stand on your birthday made the _Prophet_? It's apparently coloured her opinion of you a lot," she asked, her head still resting against the cool metal door.

He snorted. "That wasn't my best night. I went looking for something that night and didn't find it."

She pulled her head up and looked over her shoulder at him, questioning him without speaking.

"Don't mistake me, I did hook up with the bird, I just... I didn't... It didn't have the sort of meaning I was searching for."

She nodded. "You were wanting intimacy and all you got was a fuck."

He made a noise in the back of his throat at her words. "I didn't think you knew words like that, Miss Ev... Ms Pot—well fuck me, I really buggered that one up."

She giggled. "I've been around the Marauders long enough to pick up their bad language. And that's Ms Potter to you, Mr Black."

He nodded and the smooth skin of his clean-shaven cheek rubbed against her forehead. "Are you ready to go out to dinner, Ms Potter?" His words were a whisper against her temple and their innoocent nature didn't stop the shiver they sent down Lily's spine.

"Yes," she whispered back.

Sirius Apparated her Side-Along to a back alley about a five-minute walk from the restaurant. Lily didn't recognise the area but by the smell, she thought they might have been by the sea. The waiter directed them to a table out on a deck overlooking the seashore. The sun was on it's way down and their dinner arrived as the golden rays of setting sun settled over their table making the top sparkle.

Lanterns around the deck were lit as twilight fell and conversation between them flowed easily. Between the wine they shared and Sirius's insane attempts to make her laugh, Lily was amazed she didn't choke on her giggles. It was different having his sole attention on her and in the natural lulls as they ate his eyes would search out hers and tell an entirely different story than the laid-back, casualness of their words.

Lily thought it would feel wrong or more like betrayal again but she'd moved on just enough in the year since they'd fallen into bed together that it didn't. His eyes promised things and made her anticipate things she shouldn't, yet his calm demeanour relaxed her. He wouldn't expect anything physical on a first date and she knew that.

After they finished their meal, Sirius took her hand and led her out towards the beach. He walked with her along a sandy boardwalk and up a curving set of stairs to a platform overlooking a small curve of beach. Back in the distance from the direction they came, she could just make out the little lanterns on the deck they'd dined on.

Sirius pulled her into his arms and in the dark and with the only music the sound of the waves lapping at the shore he led her in a waltz. She worried at first, she wasn't used to high-heeled shoes anymore and the platform was made of deck boards, but it was smooth enough and he was graceful enough that she could have been floating. She didn't trip once. If she'd wanted, she could have closed her eyes in the dark and pictured James but she didn't want to. Sirius's shoulders were broader and he smelled like leather even though he wasn't wearing his leather jacket.

When he deemed the song over he slowed and reached for her face. His fingertips brushed against her cheekbone and jaw and he leaned down to press his lips against hers. He didn't deepen the kiss, just lingered a moment, and stood tall again. He turned her around and faced the water, trapping her against the rail with his body.

"You know," he started, chuckling briefly to himself, "I asked Remus if he would mind if I asked you out."

"Really? What did he say?"

"He asked if I was daft."

She chuckled. "Thank you for this."

"You're welcome," he answered. He wrapped his arms around her and held her as they looked out over the dark water, listening to the tranquil waves break and rush onto the sand.


	27. Happy Birthday, Harry

For Harry's fourth birthday, they took him to the zoo. He gazed with wide eyes at the giraffes and monkeys. Roared with Sirius to the lions, called to the otters and hissed at the snakes in the Reptile House. Remus was the designated photographer, as usual, and even caught on camera the snakes reacting to Harry's hissing. Lily had thought it was adorable but when Sirius saw it he quietly ushered them onto the next display.

After the zoo, they went out to dinner and got fairy cakes for dessert. By the time they got home, Harry was knackered and fell asleep at the kitchen table after he kicked his shoes off. Remus got a picture of that as well because Harry'd folded and twisted himself up so much he looked like a pretzel.

Lily hoisted the sleeping boy into her arms and took him to bed. "You're getting so big, Harry, my darling boy. I can't believe you're already four."

"'m four, Mumma," he stirred in her arms, murmuring into her shoulder.

"I know, sweetheart."

"Birthday me, birthday me, 'appy 'irthday, 'e," he hummed a little tune that she thought was supposed to be the happy birthday song but he seemed to lose the battle with sleep and his head dropped further onto her shoulder.

She was hoping he was going to be awake enough to undress but realised her dilemma soon enough. She turned to the door, still clutching him to her chest, his gangly limbs dangling all around her. "Sirius," she hissed, "Remus, one of you come help me."

Sirius was the first down the hall, eyebrows up as he asked her silently how she needed his help.

"Undress him while I hold him," she whispered, "He's too far gone to bother now."

The only sound between them was Harry's clothes rustling as Sirius manoeuvred Harry's limp body around to pull his jeans and t-shirt off. He dropped both in the clothes hamper in the corner of the room and slid the drawer of Harry's dresser open to find his pyjamas. The same dance happened in reverse then, as he carefully worked the pyjamas up Harry's legs and his shirt down over his torso and arms.

Lily's arms were starting to ache as she held Harry but when Sirius had finished with the pyjamas and pulled him from her arms she was reluctant to let go. She watched as Sirius settled him into the bed and tucked him in, kissing him on the forehead and whispering to him.

Sirius stood and turned to her. "You look just as tired as he does," he said softly. She smiled and nodded. "Need me to help you undress and tuck you in?" he asked. She could tell he was teasing by the playful tone and the wink that followed but she let her mind wander just a bit. Would he be content to just hold her? She wouldn't mind a cuddle partner. Instead, she just smiled and shook her head at him, gesturing for him to proceed her out of the room.

She stopped in her room and changed into her own pyjamas and then rejoined Remus and Sirius in the sitting room. Remus had fixed their nightly tea and handed hers to her as she took her seat at the corner of the couch.

"Thank you two for making today special."

"Of course," Remus said and then turned his attention to Sirius. "So what was the deal with your behaviour in the snake house? I know you're not a big fan of Slytherin but really, he was just having fun."

"You saw the snakes react same as I did, Remus. He wasn't just hissing playfully like we did at the lions or monkeys. He was talking to them."

"Talking to them?" Lily asked, incredulous, "In what, snake language?"

Sirius didn't seem to get her joke. "Exactly. It's called Parseltongue."

"Wait, what? You really mean he was... _talking_ to the snakes?"

Sirius nodded and set his tea mug down before he sloshed it, leaning forward and bringing his hands together. "Someone who can talk to snakes is called a Parselmouth. It's very rare. The last family that could do it was the Gaunts, I believe, and I think Voldemort had the ability. It's one of the things Salazar Slytherin was known for."

At the mention of Voldemort, a cold chill swept over her causing the hair on her arms and neck to stand on end. "No, he couldn't..." she muttered before looking back up at Sirius and then over to Remus. "It's not something he got from James's side of the family?"

Remus shook his head.

"Well, it's not from me, all I heard was hissing," she said. "Can it skip a generation or anything?"

Sirius answered, "I don't think so."

"What are you saying then? Do you think he, he somehow absorbed part of Voldemort or something?" Her eyes were wide and her breathing had picked up, worried for her baby. What would something like that do to him?

Sirius was on his knees in front of her and Remus had scooted closer to wrap his arm around her back. "We'll find out. I'm sure Dumbledore would know or have some theory if we were to tell him."

She shook her head, "I don't... I don't know if I want him to know."

Sirius bit his lip and searched her eyes with his, grey and stormy. "Okay, okay. We'll figure it out ourselves. We'll just... keep him away from snakes for now."

"Does pre-school have snakes?"

"What?" Lily looked at Remus, blinking, pulled from her overwhelming worry with his non-sequitur.

"Bad transition, I know, but I was wondering if you've thought any more about his schooling. Are you going to be sending him to pre-school now that he's four?"

A breath of air left her in a rush and she gave a little chuckle at Remus. "I... Yes, I planned on sending him to pre-school, I'm sure I'll need to enrol him soon. We've walked past the school on our daily walks, I'll be able to take him in the morning."

"I'm going to miss having him around all the time," Sirius said, sitting back on his heels.

"You've got work now," Lily said, "I won't know what to do with myself. Maybe I should pick up knitting." They laughed and she was sure they remembered the baby blanket they'd all attempted to knit.

"I suppose you could also find something part-time," Remus said, "I suggest strongly against any type of food service." He wrinkled his nose and Lily laughed, knowing how bad his clothes stunk every night when he came home from work at the restaurant. She caught Sirius staring at her lips and leaned back away from him more. She was still getting used to his affections and she wasn't comfortable expressing them in front of Remus yet. She'd never felt like that when it had been James but perhaps now she was more aware than ever how Remus didn't date.

"Thank you for the advice, the tea, and the talk, but I'm exhausted; I think I'm going to bed." She leaned against Remus and hugged him before standing. She bent forward and kissed Sirius on the top of the head and ran her hand through his soft hair before she went to her room.


	28. Sirius's Birthday

"Do you trust me?" Sirius asked.

"Of course I do," Lily answered. Sirius's birthday was in two days and Lily had his gift wrapped and hidden behind her wardrobe but she wasn't sure what he had in mind. He had the day off from the Quidditch shop and Harry was at pre-school and wouldn't need to be picked up until noon.

Sirius stepped into his room and then back out into the hall where she stood and handed her a soft, black bundle. She knew what it was, it was his leather jacket, what she didn't know was why he was handing it to her.

"Why are you giving me your leather jacket?"

"It's not mine. That one's yours," he told her, smiling.

Her eyes widened a little nervously as she held it up by the shoulders to reveal that it was smaller than his, woman's cut. She rubbed her thumb over the material, enjoying the softness—it had to be expensive to feel like that.

"Well, are you going to put it on?"

She smiled and did, slipping it over her grey sweater. She had a feeling what was coming next and went ahead and zipped it all the way up. He nodded in approval and grabbed her hand, leading her outside to his motorbike. His jacket was laying over the seat and he put it on before straddling the bike. He looked over at her and challenged her with his gaze. She took a deep breath and stepped over the bike as well, finding the bar for her heeled boots and wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Ready?"

"Won't it get cold?" she asked before he started the bike and drowned her out. He flipped a switch on the control pad and a pleasant warm feeling sprang up around them.

"Automatic Warm Air Charms. Now hold on," he said, kickstarting the motorbike. It roared to life beneath them and Lily startled at the vibrations as they went up her legs and down her arms into her fingers. He pulled around into a circle and flipped a second switch. The bike seemed to shimmer around them and Lily hoped that was the invisibility spell so they wouldn't get caught flying by unsuspecting Muggles. He accelerated and the bike darted forward and up at the same time.

Lily laughed at the sensation and tightened her grip around his waist. It was more exhilarating than flying a broom, that was for sure. He flew them high into the clouds and in lazy circles and spins, seeming to delight in her ecstatic laughter and tight grip. After what might have been an hour, Sirius started dropping the bike and soon they were touching down in the backyard of their home again. Lily was smiling widely, feeling happy and free.

Sirius got off the bike first and turned to help her stand. Her knees almost buckled before he wrapped his arms around her and held her close. "Sorry, forgot to mention that. It's the vibrations, they sort of mess with you at first," he whispered into her hair. It took her a moment but she got her feet back under her and snuggled herself closer to him.

"That was fun," she murmured.

"I'm glad you liked it. You might have cut holes in my jacket with your nails, though."

She leaned away from him enough to look over his jacket, running her fingers up and down all over his stomach where she had clutched at him. When she didn't find any damage to the leather she looked back up at him. His eyes were stormy again and seemed to heat her blood just by looking at her. She pushed up on her tiptoes and brought her mouth to his. He kissed her back but let her lead. He tasted of peppermint. She couldn't get close enough to him. Her hands slipped up underneath his jacket and tugged at his shirt but when her fingertips finally touched skin he jerked from her and laughed.

"Fuck! Your hands are cold, Lily," he said, gathering them up into his which weren't much warmer. "Let's get inside."

He led her into the house and didn't stop as he took her to his bedroom. He shut the door behind him and leaned against it, pulling her back close to him. His eyes sought hers again and he seemed to search for permission in them. She smiled and let her focus drop to his lips. They were just the lightest red from their kiss and the cold air outside. His upper lip was thinner than the bottom one but both were soft and he tasted so sweet. He noticed her looking and his lips curled into a grin before he kissed her, this time leading the dance between their tongues.

She moaned into the kiss and his hands found the zip on her jacket. The sound of it coming undone reminded her that she could do the same to his and did so. His jacket came off his shoulders before hers and she toed off her boots, stepping back towards the bed. Her jacket slipped to the ground, sweater and camisole came off together and both landed in a pile near the night table. His vest and sweater followed hers soon after and before she could take anything else off he pinned her to the bed.

Her nipples had pebbled inside her bra in anticipation as he kissed along her collarbone and down her chest. He skipped over her breasts and continued his trail of kisses down her abdomen to the top of her jeans. "I love you, Lily," he murmured into her skin and unfastened her fly. He didn't seem to wait for a reaction from her and she wasn't sure what to make of that. She'd frozen under his touch when he'd said it but it felt so right. After five months and almost a dozen dates ranging from simple picnic lunches with Harry to romantic dancing on the beach or candlelit foot rubs everything seemed to coalesce into this. She loved him too.

It was such a revelation to her that she had stopped actively participating in their foreplay. "Lily?" he asked, leaning up to get a better look at her face. She smiled and sought out his eyes; when they made eye contact he smiled. "You all right?"

"I love you too."

He grinned and winked. "You just figuring that out, then?"

"Oh!" she said and whacked him on the shoulder.

"Hey, now," he said, shifting away briefly. "I thought you already knew you loved me." He leaned down and kissed her. His fingers found the button on her jeans and tugged them down. He left kisses on her toes, her knees, her thighs and then... Then he shifted to kiss her hips and the crease where her thigh met her pelvis. She felt him lick there and whined, raising her hips up to him like she was trying to entice him to a feast. "Do you want something?" he teased, looking up at her from under his lashes.

"Please, Sirius," she said, breathing the words heavily in her anticipation.

"Please, what?" he asked into her skin.

"I swear I'm going to hex you if you don't—oh!" he shushed her by putting his mouth on her. The waiting had been worth it. Every moment he spent worshipping at her womanly altar was heaven and she was lost. She found her peak before he came up for air.

She expected him to move into her when he pulled back but instead, he kissed up her neck and then flopped on his back. He cocked an eyebrow at her challengingly and she accepted, turning to face him as she straddled his hips. She sank down on him and they both moaned at the pleasure it elicited. He reached up and unfastened her bra, pulling it down her arms and tossing it on the floor.

Lily rocked experimentally, it'd been so long since she'd done this, and soon found the pace and angle that would let her chase her climax. Sirius's hands danced all over her skin and he leaned up to put his talented mouth and tongue on her breasts. When she reached her peak again, her pace stuttered and she gasped brokenly. His hands came over her hips and guided her and he didn't seem to mind when she leaned the rest of the way forward and pressed her chest against his in order to kiss him.

He groaned under her at the change in angle and lifted her hips to stroke deep and quick. "Please, please, please," Lily murmured into his neck, not even sure what she was asking for. Every inch of her skin was singing and thrumming with pleasure and despite being hot and slick with sweat she was almost sad when it was over and he'd found his completion. She relaxed over top of him and he didn't seem to be in any hurry to move her. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight.


	29. White Christmas

"Mumma!" Harry shouted before he climbed up on their bed and jumped between Lily and Sirius. "Happy Christmas, Mumma! Happy Christmas, Uncle Sirius!"

Sirius laughed and sat up to swoop the little boy off his feet and into his arms. He turned Harry in his arms and pulled him down between their bodies, holding him down on top of the covers. Lily tried to pull her arms out from the duvet but with Sirius pinning Harry down on top of them she was effectively pinned.

"Mumma! Save me!" Harry shouted again before he squealed when Sirius tickled him. It was right in her ear but she bore the noise with a smile and small grunt. She wondered if it was Remus who directed Harry in here to wake them up but wasn't convinced. Harry had always liked waking her up for Christmas.

Harry squealed again until Sirius let him up and then bounced down and off the bed so Sirius couldn't grab him again. "Please, Mumma! There's presents, you've got to come see!"

"Go on, Harry, let us get out of bed first," Sirius told him. For not being a morning person usually, Sirius had always loved Christmases. He smiled brightly at Harry, who had darted back out of the room and was now shouting for Uncle Remus to get up, and then turned that brilliant smile on her. "Good morning, sunshine. Happy Christmas."

"Happy Christmas, Sirius," she said and leaned up to kiss him. He kissed her closed lipped because he knew he had morning breath and then buried his face in her hair. They were quiet for a moment and he didn't move.

"Sirius?"

"Hmm?"

"You can't go back to sleep, you know."

"Can too," he said, muffled into the pillow and her hair.

"Can you breathe in there?"

"Uh-uh," he answered negatively but didn't move.

She laughed and pushed at his shoulder, "Then get your face out of the pillow, silly." He sat up and grinned.

"This is the first time he's found us in bed together," he whispered, "are you worried?"

She shook her head. "No, I think he's known. We share kisses and hugs around him all the time and... I don't know," she paused, thinking, "We do everything together."

"Poor Remus is the odd man out, we should invite him to join."

Her eyes went wide at first but his grin gave away the fact that he was teasing. "I love Remus and all, but... absolutely not!"

He chuckled and flipped the duvet off of his pyjama covered legs. "Aww, he's lonely..."

"Am not," Remus called through the wall.

"How the... it's not near the full moon, you shouldn't have heard us!" Sirius called back.

Remus came to the door and pushed it open further. "Do you really not realise how thin the walls are? It's a good thing Harry's room is across the house."

Lily realised what he was saying and sucked in a deep breath before burying her face under the duvet. "I'm so sorry, Remus, I promise we won't—"

"Don't make promises I'm not willing to keep, Lils," Sirius teased. "It's not like he's a virgin, he knows what goes—"

"Stop! My son is close by and if the walls are as thin as he says..." Lily warned, poking her head back out of the covers to narrow her eyes at him.

"Hurry up, you two, Harry is bouncing off the walls. He says I have to take your picture together. So bedhead and pyjamas to keep with tradition." He grinned and tipped his head back like he was trying to see what Lily was wearing under the duvet that was pulled up to her chin.

"Oh, you!" She said, tossing her pillow at him. It fell short and flopped pitifully on the floor at his feet. "I'm wearing pyjamas!" she said, flipping the covers down to her waist. His eyebrows raised like he was impressed and she looked down to see her top had pulled to the side and the top button was unbuttoned. If she hadn't flushed before, she did then. She pulled her top closed and narrowed her eyes at Remus.

He raised his hands in surrender, I'm going, I'm going. Nothing I haven't seen already. You like your summer dresses."

She grinned, knowing it was true. After he returned to the sitting room she got out of bed and straightened her top and mussed up her hair. While she'd been bantering with Remus, Sirius had found the top to his own flannel pyjamas and donned it.

"Really?" Sirius asked.

"What?"

"You make your hair messier?"

"For the Christmas picture, yes."

He shook his head. "Reminds me of how James was around you at Hogwarts." She smiled and nodded, remembering how she always thought it was ridiculous. "Ready now, then?" he asked. At her confirmation, he grabbed her hand and pulled her down the hall.

She grinned sheepishly at the camera and Remus as he snapped the photograph and Harry rolled his eyes and laid dramatically back over the arm of the chair. "Finally," he exaggerated.

She turned to give a pointed look at Sirius, "He gets that over-dramatic thing from you, you know."

Sirius's jaw dropped and he brought a hand to his chest in mock indignation. "Whatever do you mean? I am shocked and chagrined that you'd think such a thing!"

She laughed and looked at Remus, he was smiling as well. She saw that he had a tray of tea and biscuits on the low table in front of the couch and found her usual spot in the corner. She picked up her mug and took a sip, thankful it wasn't spiked with firewhisky this year. "All right, Harry, let's open presents. I want you to decide which present goes to which person."

He looked down at the pile under the tree to see that everything was wrapped in the same multi-coloured paper. "But, how? They're all the same."

"I've written our names on the labels. I know you know your letters and how to spell your name. Let's see how you do with our names."

He sat down to pick up the first box. He frowned at the label and held the box entirely too close to his face. He squinted at the writing and finally decided what it must say. He stood and brought the box to her. A quick glance confirmed that it did indeed say, 'Lily' and she gave him praise and a kiss on the forehead. As he returned to the tree she shared a glance with Sirius who had a small frown on his lips. There was a crease between his brows as he watched Harry squinting at the next box. When Sirius felt her gaze on him he looked up and gestured like he was putting on a pair of glasses. He raised his eyebrows at her in question and then looked to Remus to confirm what he was thinking. Remus nodded.

It seemed Harry had inherited something else from his father. His bad eyesight. As Harry took the next two boxes to Remus, Lily tilted her head and tried to imagine glasses on her son. He'd look even more like James than he already did. There might have been something from her, like his startling green eyes—she'd never really noticed how green her own eyes were, before—or perhaps the slant of his nose, but he looked so like James it made her heart ache. If he ever asked what his dad looked like, all she'd need to do was show him a mirror.

He handed two more boxes to Sirius and was on his way back to the tree when Sirius's voice stopped him. "Nope, Harry, this one's not mine." Harry went back and squinted angrily at the offending package before he turned and with a flick of his finger levitated it through the air to Remus.

Remus caught it in reflex but Lily was too busy being shocked to recognise the look of surprise on his face. Her son had just done magic! And not just accidental magic, he'd directed it, just like she had when she was young and opened flowers for Tuney.

"Harry!" she said loudly and he looked up at her. Her volume must have worried him and he tucked his hands behind his back and looked down at his feet like he'd done something bad. She got up from the couch and knelt in front of him, tipping his chin up to look into his face. "Don't be ashamed, I'm excited! Is that the first time you've made things fly?"

He shook his head but didn't say anything.

"Harry," Sirius said, sounding much too serious for the situation, but the tone made Harry look up with wide eyes at him. Sirius was smiling. "That was very well done. Do you think you can show us some more?"

Harry beamed at him and nodded quickly. "It can't be too heavy though."

"That's okay. You do whatever's comfortable. Your mum's not upset, she's happy. We've been wondering when you'd show off some of those wizard skills we know you inherited."

"Wizard?"

"Of course, just like your dad and mum. Just like me and Uncle Remus. We're wizards, well, your mum's a witch, but, yeah. It's magic."

"I'm magic special?" Harry asked again.

"Yes, you're special, but you're also magic as well," Lily tried to explain but she was caught up in her excitement still. She hugged him tightly and he returned it. "I love you, sweetie."

"Love you, Mumma," he said and then he gave her that Marauder's mischievious grin and flicked his fingers and a present he'd set aside for himself came close. He tore into the paper with delight and held up the newest toy figure to show it off to them all.

* . * . *

That evening, they joined the Weasleys for dinner. Before dinner was served, the boys were playing in the living room and had pushed back all the furniture to have space to wrestle or tumble. Ron had recently learned how to do a cartwheel and was steadfast in his determination to teach Harry as well. The adults were all standing around, sipping unspiked cider, and chatting with one another. Molly insisted the food was done and had joined them to watch the boys play.

Lily watched Harry as he did the flip correctly and shouted excitedly. He ran up to Sirius and tugged on his sweater. When that didn't drag Sirius's attention from Arthur, Harry ran back to his starting point and shouted. "Dad! Dad! Watch me, I can do a cartwheel!"

All five adults turned to stare attentively as Harry jumped and spun, not truly performing a cartwheel but still gaining cheers from Lily and Remus just the same. Sirius hadn't taken his eyes off the boy and Lily was watching Molly Weasley's reaction.

The expression on Molly's face was one of sheer jaw-dropped shock and indignation. Lily glanced to Remus to see if he was seeing their respective reactions; he nodded and gave her a little smile. Sirius sucked in a deep breath and responded a bit too late to be praise for the first cartwheel but was well-timed with the second. His ears had tinged slightly pink and aside from the praise to Harry, he seemed speechless. Arthur, who'd only realised something shocking had happened when he'd seen his wife's expression nudged Sirius on the shoulder and gave him a knowing, proud look that seemed to say, 'welcome to the club.'

Molly didn't seem to know what to do with herself and decided it was time for dinner. She bustled them all up and herded them to the dinner table where they ate well and Harry parroted Sirius by saying, "Thank you, it was delicious!" He ruined the effect by licking his spoon and making a smacking noise that Lily was sure he'd heard on the telly he watched in the mornings at pre-school.

After dinner, sweet and shy Percy tugged on Remus's sleeve and asked him if he could help his pet. Remus shared a glance with Lily who shrugged—she didn't know they had a pet besides Errol their post owl. "Yes, where is he?"

"Oh, I'll get him, he doesn't like the crowd," the little boy said. He darted upstairs and Lily wondered if the pet wasn't something the child was playing pretend about. Shortly though, he came downstairs holding something small and brown in his hands.

Sirius and Remus both inhaled sharply and Sirius's head snapped towards the small creature in Percy's hands. It took Lily a moment longer to realise what the little boy was holding. A large brown rat with a thick ropey tail just as long as he was. "Wormtail," Sirius growled out and the rat squeaked and clawed at Percy's hands, getting himself free and scurrying away from the three people that recognised him.

Lily shouted, "Stop him!" and Sirius had pulled his wand but Remus lunged and pounced on the squirming little rat without warning. He rolled on his shoulder but came up holding the rat in a tight grip.

"Mum!" Percy shouted, terrified at what was happening. Arthur seemed to catch on to what was happening and Lily heard a muffled shout as he tossed Floo powder into the fireplace and called for the Auror Department.

Sirius cast a spell and the rat in Remus's hand shimmered and twisted, changing shape into the short, plump man that had been their friend. Peter Pettigrew snarled and turned like he was going to try and bite Remus before he realised he'd been returned to human form. Remus was clutching tightly to Pettigrew's arm and collar and his stare was fierce and deadly. Lily was almost worried that Remus was going to kill Pettigrew in the Weasleys's living room.

Sirius bound him in tight ropes that dug into his skin but Remus didn't let go. In all the chaos, Harry and Ron had run to Lily and hid behind her legs. Molly was standing on the opposite side of the room corraling the rest of the children. The eldest seemed to understand something of importance was happening, while the twins were twin-speaking to each other in low whispers, looking excited and awed. Ginny was crying in Arthur's arms and Percy was babbling and tugging on his hair, near his mother but not being noticed at all.

"I didn't know, I'm sorry, he was just Scabbers, I found him in the garden, I'm sorry, he—"

Sirius was the one who noticed the boy's distress and as two Aurors swept into the room from the kitchen, he stood and went to Percy. "Percy, mate, it's okay. We didn't expect you to know. You're all right." Percy tugged on his hair again and when Sirius knelt next to him to try and calm him down he flung himself at Sirius and sobbed on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he cried and Sirius held him close and rocked him. He whispered into Percy's ear as he rubbed his back and he turned to look over his shoulder to Lily. His stormy grey eyes held so many emotions, she couldn't pick out which one dominated but they shared a look to Remus who was reluctantly letting go of Pettigrew at the Auror's instruction.

"I didn't do it! I didn't! It was Sirius!" Peter shouted even as one of the Aurors recast the Incarcerous Spell and put a Silencing Charm on him.

"Peter Pettigrew, you're under arrest for revealing a Fidelius-kept Secret that resulted in the death of James Potter, you're going to Azkaban."

The Aurors left swiftly, via Portkey, and in their wake, there was a stunned sort of silence. Percy was still crying against Sirius's shoulder. The two boys clinging to Lily's trousers and peeking around her legs were curious and skittish. Ginny was still wailing. Bill went to Percy first, wrapping his arms around his brother and sharing in the hug with Sirius. Lily could see where Percy's hands were locked behind Sirius's neck. When Molly finally seemed to snap out of her shocked stupor, Bill had pulled Percy away from Sirius.

It was just in time too, because Lily took one step forward reaching for him before her emotions slammed into her full force. "Sirius," she said on a gasp, sinking to her knees from the shock of what just happened. Then he was there, holding her, whispering reassurances to her. Harry joined their huddle and Remus followed, burying his face in Sirius's hair and held on, a part of their little group hug.

Lily didn't know how long she knelt there, being hugged by her family. Later, she would learn that Arthur and Molly had pulled their children close and explained enough for the older ones to understand what had happened. What pulled them apart was a shout of excitement from the twins.

"Look, it's snowing!"

Lily leaned back and picked up Harry, taking him with her as she stood. He held her tightly, unsure of what to make of his mum's breakdown. They all gathered at the window to look out at the large, white flakes drifting slowly towards the frozen ground. The rest of the night was quiet among the adults; Lily and her family didn't stay much longer.

Molly seemed like she wanted to pull Lily aside but one glance at Sirius at her side with his arm around her waist deterred her. "I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. I had no... Percy found him in the garden a few years ago in the spring. Word about the—the... well, rat Animagus had quieted and we thought he'd been captured."

Lily nodded and stiltedly accepted the apology. She had no hard feelings for the Weasleys; they'd become part of her extended family where her sister Petunia would not.

When they were back home, Lily finally set Harry down. He was reluctant but understood that she couldn't keep holding him. He stayed close beside her until it was time for bed. She tucked him in, and Sirius and Remus stood at the door.

"Bad man, Mumma?"

"Yes, that was a bad man and he's going to prison."

"Prison?"

"Yes, sweetie. Prison is where—" she paused realising what she was going to say and glanced up to the darkened doorway, unsure.

Sirius understood and answered. "Prison is where people who have broken important rules go. That bad man broke a really big rule and that's why your dad, James, is gone."

Harry frowned and the little crease appeared between his eyebrows but he nodded. Lily knew she would have to explain that better as he got older but she hoped he understood enough right now. "Goodnight, Harry."

"Night Mumma. Night Uncle Remus. Night...Daddy."

Lily heard the tears in Sirius's voice, still overwhelmed with the address, as he said, "Goodnight, Harry. We love you."


	30. Daddy

Lily nibbled on her lower lip as she put the last dollop of blue icing on the fairy cakes she'd baked for James's birthday. She had picked Harry up from pre-school at noon and he was in the sitting room listening to music. Remus and Sirius were both due back home from work soon. This little celebration wasn't just for James this year. Remus had been working at the seafood restaurant for almost a year—he had one week until his anniversary—and Lily was happy for him. He wasn't particularly pleased with the constant fishy odour that clung to his clothes but he'd found that a quick Scouring Charm to his clothes halfway through his shift helped tremendously.

She glanced around like she was expecting to be caught, before casting a Bubblehead Charm on herself. Only then did she slip her hand into the worn oven mitt and pull the cottage pie out of the oven. She set it on the potholder on the countertop and cast a Stasis Charm on it to contain the heat and the smell. She cancelled the Bubblehead Charm and went to check on Harry.

They had taken him to St Mungo's after Christmas and now he wore a small pair of glasses. She had been right and the glasses made him look like James in miniature. He was dancing by himself but then he spotted her and rushed to her. "Dance with me, Mumma," he said, grabbing at her hands. She conceded and let him lead her around in a child's version of the waltz he'd seen Sirius spontaneously pull her into. That's how Sirius and Remus found them a few minutes later.

They both stood in the doorway and watched until the song came to an end. "Do I have time for a shower before dinner?" Remus asked.

"Of course," she answered. "It's under a Stasis Charm."

"I'll be quick." He turned and headed down the hall. Sirius stepped further into the room and offered her his hand. She rolled her eyes but acquiesced and placed her hand in his. He swept her into a waltz even though the song on the radio wasn't right for it and after a few turns dipped her and kissed her.

"Missed you," he murmured as he set her back on her feet. She tried to smile and must have succeeded because he didn't say anything. He probably assumed she was having trouble smiling because of the day.

Lily sent Harry to wash his hands and Sirius disappeared to do the same. She returned to the kitchen and used her wand to set the table. She took a deep breath before she took the Stasis Charm off the food, hoping the smell wouldn't bother her. At first, it was overpowering but after a few shallow breaths, she was sure she wouldn't have to dash to the rubbish bin to vomit.

Dinner was pleasant and quiet, Sirius and Remus talked about their day and Harry talked about what he did in pre-school. They were just finishing up their meal when Lily couldn't hold her secret any longer. "I'm pregnant," she whispered.

Sirius and Remus both stopped mid-word to stare at her but Harry had no understanding of the word and continued climbing down out of his chair. He padded over to Sirius and climbed in his lap. Sirius allowed him and even wrapped his hand automatically around Harry's back to help him keep his balance but he was still staring wide-eyed at her.

"It's not your birthday," Harry said matter-of-factly to Sirius. They all finally looked at the boy perched on Sirius's lap. "It's Daddy James's birthday but Daddy James is gone."

"Yes," Sirius said, his voice was strained and quiet and he had to cough to clear it. "Yes," he repeated, "That's right."

"I love you, Daddy Sirius," Harry said, wrapping his arms around Sirius's neck for a quick hug before he slipped down and darted out of the room, intent on playing some more before bath time.

The silence that was left in his wake was deafening, but only for a moment, because then Remus glanced between the two of them. He swallowed and Lily heard it. "Congratulations?" he asked.

Sirius's gaze returned to her but she couldn't read anything there except shock.

"You two go talk. I'll clean up," Remus said. The sound of his chair dragging against the floor interrupted the odd staring match between her and Sirius and she stood up quickly, sending her own chair sliding. She turned and hurried out the door into the backyard.

 *** . * . ***

The air was biting but she wouldn't go back in to get a jumper. She couldn't find the courage to face him. There was only a moment's quiet where she was alone, though, because she heard the door open behind her and someone join her. She knew who it was.

"I thought we were being careful."

That's it? That's all he had to say? "Well, we weren't careful enough," she spat. She turned around, suddenly incised, but then she caught the look on his face. It wasn't an accusation he'd levelled at her but worry and a hint of fear. She swallowed, suddenly regretting her words. "Sorry, it's just that—"

"No, no, I deserve it. I didn't think before I spoke. I'm still in shock, I think," he answered, looking anywhere but at her. She gave him a few more moments. She knew that shocked feeling and had felt it herself last week when she'd first started noticing the signs. It wasn't until the few hours she'd had by herself today that she'd had the courage to visit Madam Pomfrey for confirmation. Finally, he turned and sought her gaze. Once they'd made eye contact, he spoke, "I have to admit, I don't know what to do. I..." He paused and in that moment Lily was frozen stiff with nervous tension—what if Sirius didn't want this baby with her?—He continued, "I don't know if you want me to ask you to marry me. I don't know if you even want to marry again," he said, that little crease between his brows prominent on his handsome face.

Lily released the breath she'd been holding. He wasn't going to reject her. At the relief of that thought, her legs seemed to go a little weak and she took a step closer to him. He moved to her and wrapped his arms around her. She sighed again and felt her body relax into his. He was so warm, she just wanted to burrow under his clothes and get as close to him as possible. She spoke to his chest, content to have him hold her even though she missed the intimacy of eye contact. "I don't want to get married just because I'm having your baby."

"There's going to be gossip if we don't."

"I've been a single mother living with two men for a few years now, I think I can handle gossip," she countered.

"Do you want to get married, though? Eventually?" His tone sounded teasing but she could pick up the underlying nervousness and uncertainty. She squeezed him tightly to reassure him but stepped back to address him.

"When you think it's the right time, then ask. Whatever you decide, I don't want to have to find a maternity wedding dress and I have a feeling I'm going to be showing much sooner with this pregnancy."

He smiled at her and his gaze seemed to caress her face as he watched her. "You weren't worried about getting married though, were you? What made you so upset?"

She almost wanted to swear at him for being so intuitive and observant but most of the time she liked that he knew her so well. Now that he'd reaffirmed his affection to her she felt courageous enough to say what had been going through her mind. "I was scared you wouldn't want this. Wouldn't want a baby... or wouldn't want a baby with me."

He moved toward her again and hugged her tightly and didn't let go. "Of course I want this with you."

"We've never talked about it..."

"Doesn't change anything. I love you. I want us to have a baby—this baby—and one day... you're going to be my wife."

He picked her up and spun her around in circles causing her to laugh and beg him to put her down lest she lose her dinner on him. He kissed her forehead and stared into her eyes, love brimming in his stormy gaze. He hooked her elbow with his and escorted her back into the house.

They entered the kitchen and Remus looked up from where he was just putting the last dish in the cupboard. He looked over each of them and Lily knew she had a shy smile on her face. Sirius's must have been more obvious. "Congratulations," Remus said, this time with true sincerity.


	31. All at Once

It started with a dash to the loo in the middle of the night the day before Harry's birthday. Lily was in the tail end of her second trimester and the morning sickness had ended. The need for the loo was independent of her pregnancy. Within a few hours, Harry was also sick with diarrhoea and vomiting.

Lily sat curled up under a pile of blankets on the couch near the roaring fireplace as the evening of the thirty-first settled upon them. Harry had been whiny and grumpy all day and Lily didn't fault him for it. She'd tried her best not to join in with his tantrums, if only because she knew she didn't have enough energy for them.

Aside from the horrible stomach pain and the low level of heartburn brought on by all the vomiting and the pregnancy, Lily's head hurt. Her eyes ached, her nose was tender. Everything about her was ready to fall asleep except suddenly she had the urgent need to wee. She slowly unpiled the blankets around her and dug her way out of the nest she'd made and headed toward the bathroom. She was in the loo longer than she expected and when she finally washed her hands and headed back to her blanket-nest she heard whispers coming from the two men of the household.

She tried not to be bitter but neither of them had even started to show signs of catching whatever bug it was that she and Harry had. She wanted to blame it on Harry too, thinking maybe it was something he'd been exposed to at pre-school but since she had been the one to get sick first, all signs were pointing to her as the sickness-bringing-culprit.

"Moony, I don't know what to do. I don't think she's feeling any better but the full moon's tonight. I don't know if she feels up to taking care of Harry; what if he relapses? His fever finally broke and—"

"Padfoot, hush."

"Well, I just—"

"Sirius, be quiet. You are staying here and taking care of Lily and Harry. I can handle being by myself for one moon." Remus's voice betrayed just how poorly he felt but his aches were because of his condition rather than because of a temporary illness.

"All right," Sirius agreed. Lily didn't bother to stand around and listen any longer. She headed back to her blanket-nest and found Harry had climbed into her spot.

"Mumma," he whined. "Don't feel good."

"I know, baby," she murmured back. She thought about picking him up but just felt too weak. "Budge up a little," she told him instead.

He kicked at her but then scooted over anyway. She climbed back onto the couch and burrowed down again. She closed her eyes, thinking she'd just rest a bit, but must have fallen asleep. When she woke up again it was ay the clenching of her belly. She flailed, trying to get out of the blanket pile to dash to the bathroom again. When she was standing she found that she was in the room she shared with Sirius. He must have carried her there. She hurried to the toilet to take care of her problem and soon returned to bed.

Once she was snuggled back under the covers she lay there aching for a bit before coming to the realisation that she was too hot. She started to push on the covers again when a hand started pulling them off for her. "Sirius?"

"I'm right here, Lily. How are you feeling?"

"Hot."

"Anything else?" he asked as he scooped up most of the blankets and left them in a pile on the floor. "Anything getting better regarding the loo situation?"

She thought about it before nodding. "I'm thirsty."

"I've got something for that," he said, procuring a glass of water from the night table. He handed it her and she sipped it slowly, enjoying the soothing feeling of cool water moving over her sore throat. She handed the glass back and he returned it to the table.

"How's Harry?"

"Doing a slight bit better than you. His fever's broken, he's kept the last two meals in him, and his... you know, is getting solid again." He wrinkled his nose at her but smiled.

"Mmm," Lily said, nodding. She was so tired. How could she be so tired when she'd been sleeping so much? "Hold me?"

"With pleasure," he answered.

"Probably not," she said as she slouched further into the bed, pulling the sheet up to her chin and turning on her side.

He chuckled and laid down behind her, holding her to him. His body was warm and comforting even though she'd been too hot just a few moments ago. She hated being sick. She let her eyes fall closed and figured she'd doze again.

"Lily," Sirius said from behind her before she'd gone back to sleep.

"Hmm?" She opened her eyes and his hands were in front of her, holding something small and shiny.

"Will you marry me?"

It was a ring. Dainty and silver, with several tiny gems along the top.

She smiled and huffed out a little laugh. "Now? You thought now was the perfect time to ask?" She tried to turn in his arms but didn't have the energy and was too comfortable so she just turned her head instead, looking at him out of the corner of her eye. "With me sick; vomiting and..."

"Yes," he said softly. "Now is the right time to ask." He kissed her temple. "I love you, Lily, and not just when you and Harry are at your best. I love you at your worst and I'll take care of you and Harry and our child for as long as I'm alive to do so. Will you marry me?"

Her eyes prickled and a few tears trickled down the side of her face. She smiled at him and sniffed, her nose stuffy. "Yes, then. You're right. Now was the right time. I love you too, Sirius."


	32. Together

A/N: So much love to MissandMarauder for her work, help, and guidance with this chapter. She is the absolute best!

* * *

Lily grabbed the stool in front of her and vocalized her pain, feeling the sound travel up from her toes and out through her chest. She clenched her teeth and attempted to breathe through the contraction. Where was Sirius? As if her thoughts had summoned him, he was at her side, wrapping his arm around her back and helping her pace. The walking helped. It eased the labour pains a little and seemed to move things along.

"I'm back, I'm back. What do you need me to do?" he asked, sounding worried but not panicked.

"Harry?"

"He's fine. Remus is dozing in the waiting room and Harry's playing with his toys near his feet."

The full moon had been last night and Lily had gone into labour in the early hours of the morning. They were all running on very little sleep. She felt Sirius dab at her sweaty forehead with a cloth and she opened her eyes to smile at him. She winced as another contraction started, the pain immeasurable. She didn't remember it being so painful last time but maybe it was all the happy-baby-hormones that blocked it from her mind.

Sirius's arms tightened around her so she wouldn't lose her balance and held her as the pain washed over her, making her forget to breathe until she needed to scream. It left her gasping instead. She could hear Sirius trying to coax her through the breathing exercises. "Come on, Lily, how'd it go, hee-hee-hoo, right? Hee-hee-hoo, hee-hee-hoo," he chanted, baring his teeth each time. She knew he was trying to help but it made her laugh instead. He stopped and gave her an incredulous look. "Really? How come when you do it you look natural and beautiful and perfect but when I do it I look like an idiot?"

"Probably because she's actually working through pain," their Healer said as she stepped into the room. "How are things progressing?" she asked Lily.

Lily nodded and remembered to breathe as another wave crashed over her.

"Do you want some water?" Sirius asked. He was finally starting to sound nervous. She nodded and when the contraction ended, took the cup he summoned and handed her. She sipped it and tried to focus on the Healer's questions.

"Are you having back labour?" Lily shook her head. "The contractions are quite close, do you want me to check to see how far you are?" Lily nodded again and handed the cup back to Sirius, sloshing it as another contraction swept through her. The Healer watched her and waited for the latest contraction to ease. "All right, I'm going to check right now," the Healer said to her. She knelt on the floor and dipped her head to look under Lily's hospital gown. She could see the light from the Healer's _Lumos_ shining through the fabric and feel as the woman's fingers pressed into her. Lily closed her eyes against the invasive feeling and sighed when it was over. When the Healer stood up again, she said, "Everything looks like it's going well, Lily, it feels like the baby is getting close. Can you feel which position might be the most comfortable for you to birth in?"

"I... I don't know," Lily answered feeling overwhelmed suddenly. "I think I need to get on my hands and knees?"

"That's perfectly fine," the Healer said. She flicked her wand at the bed and it lowered to a few inches off the floor, at just the right level for Lily to climb on. She walked over to it and got on it, spreading her legs wide just in time for another contraction. She panted through it on her hands and knees but when it was over decided that she didn't want to be on her hands and knees after all. She reached behind her to try and pull herself upright a little.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the Healer gesture to Sirius. "Right," he muttered to himself. "You're doing really well, Lily." He climbed onto the bed behind her and put his hands on her lower back to help her balance. She leaned back onto his chest and focused on her breathing.

After the next few contractions, she mumbled, "S'hot." Sirius helped her take the hospital gown off. "Mmmm," she hummed. It blended into a low, long moan she gave with the next contraction. She kept her eyes closed, focusing entirely on what her body was telling her. The pain was bad and it was getting more intense. She trembled through the next contraction. "No, no... Sirius," she panted, "I can't, I can't..."

"You can; you're doing great," he countered. "You're doing wonderfully." He spoke softly near her ear, the heat of his breath against her neck bothered her.

"I'm going to be sick," she said, swaying and groaning again through the next contraction. She could feel the Healer and Sirius moving and felt a small bucket being brought close to her. She gagged and Sirius was right there, holding the bucket to catch the vomit. The smell made everything worse and she grunted and pushed feebly away at it. The smell disappeared and she figured one of them had Vanished it.

The sense of relief washed over her on the next contraction because everything in her told her it was time to push. She got through several contractions, pushing with all her might. At the next, a high-pitched squeal came out of her as the burning started and her hand went down immediately to try and ease the pain.

"That's good, you're doing great, Lily," the Healer praised her. "That's right, just rest a bit. Time to slow it down." Lily felt the Healer's hand join her own to help support her perineum. "Short, shallow breaths, now, that's right." Lily tried to focus on the calm, encouraging voice of the Healer and Sirius's lower pitched tones as he also whispered praise but she couldn't focus on them. All she could focus on was breathing like she was supposed to and not adding more to her body's natural pushing.

She trembled continuously as the baby's head finally came out and some of the pressure eased. She panted and moved her hand a little to let her fingers curl around her baby's head. She could feel the blood, the waxy vernix, and a little tuft of hair. Then the pain returned and she knew his shoulders would be next. If she could get through this push her baby would be out.

"Aaaahh," her shout was short lived as the little one's shoulders came out. The rest of her baby's body slipped the rest of the way from her. She opened her eyes in time to see her baby being held up to her, being supported by the Healer's hands and Sirius's.

"Congratulations, you've got a beautiful boy," the Healer told her.

"He's so small," Sirius murmured.

Lily cradled her baby to her belly and through heavy pants gave Sirius a look. "He didn't feel small. Must have inherited your big head."

He chuckled and she smiled at him, enjoying the feel of her baby against her bare skin. She rubbed his little chest and back, trying to keep him warm and get him to breathe properly. The Healer worked around her to dry him. Then he seemed to get his first lungful of air and let out a little screechy cry and Lily gave a little laugh. She started to cry as she stared down at her newest little love. She heard Sirius sniffing quietly over her shoulder.

"He's beautiful, Lily," he whispered.

"Mmhmm," she agreed, tired.

"You can lay back and relax for a bit now," the Healer said.

Sirius moved from behind her and added a bunch of pillows in his place. "Do you need me to hold him?" When Lily shook her head and tried to shift and bring her legs out from under her he whispered to the Healer, "She's not going to squish him, is she?"

The Healer chuckled and said, "No."

Sirius might have pouted but Lily wasn't paying him any attention as she lay back against the pillows and gently moved her son higher up her chest to cuddle him better. When she stilled, Sirius sat on the edge of the bed, watching them. The Healer pulled a little cap down over the baby's head and laid a small, lightweight blanket over him and Lily. After a moment, the Healer interrupted their staring to hand Lily a potion. "You need to drink this."

"What's that for?" Sirius asked, not alarmed but curious.

"It's to help stop the bleeding."

Lily took the little vial from the Healer and tipped it into her mouth surprised that it was palatable. She handed it back and returned to caressing the soft skin of her newborn. She didn't know how long she just stared at her beautiful baby before she trembled as a low-level contraction washed over her.

"Wha...? Is she having another one?" Sirius asked, sounding so absolutely terrified she huffed little laugh at him.

The Healer smiled. "No, her uterus is still contracting so she can deliver the placenta."

"Oh, yeah, right. Forgot about that part. Sorry," he rambled.

Lily delivered the placenta with no problem and felt the lightest brush of a spell as the Healer started the process of cleaning her up. They were all quiet for a while as Lily cuddled her baby and Sirius hovered, touching his head, his little fingers, his toes.

"Have you decided on a name?" the Healer inquired after a few minutes of quiet time.

Lily looked up at Sirius and bit her lip. She didn't know what he would think. She still wasn't sure if she wanted to ask. It was two days before Halloween and when she'd had a free moment she'd debated names. For a girl, she had wanted something like Astrid or Atria. For a boy... "I know Harry already has James as a middle name," she started, "and I know you don't care much for your family but I liked the idea of stars."

"James Sirius?" he asked, smiling, raising his eyebrows.

"Alphard James," she said. She felt a little embarrassed at first. She knew in some families, like James's, it had been customary to give the firstborn son his father's name but she couldn't find anything that felt like it fit with Sirius as a second name. "I know, you probably want—"

"No, I like it. Hey, little AJ. Welcome to the world," he touched his son's hand and arm, lightly brushing against his soft skin. "We could always be really pretentious and give him two middle names," he teased.

"It's up to you."

"Alphard James Sirius Black," he stated confidently. "It's a mouthful, isn't it?" his eyes strayed back to the baby. "I think Alphard James Black is a fine name. Should I go wake up his godfather?"

Lily smiled as AJ wiggled a little and started opening his mouth like he was seeking out her breast. She moved him down a little to bring his mouth close to one of her nipples hoping he would latch on and the process would go smoothly. She frowned, more focused on AJ than Sirius.

"Lily?"

"If you want to, "she told him, "but you may want to wait a bit. He was embarrassed a few years ago at just the mention of breastfeeding; wouldn't want to traumatize him by actually showing him what it looks like."

 *** . * . ***

Lily reattached the top of her wedding dress and moved AJ to her shoulder to burp him.

"Oh, no you don't," Molly said, pulling the child from her and to her own shoulder. "My dress isn't nearly as valuable as your is today."

"A Scouring—"

"Might mess up the delicate fabric. Just because it's a post-maternity dress doesn't mean it's capable of standing up to baby-related messes." Molly efficiently patted AJ's back lightly until he made an adorable little belch. He didn't spit up too much and Molly was quick with the Scouring Charm on the cloth she'd laid over her shoulder. "All right. Now that baby's fed, I think you're ready." She held up one hand and moved her finger in a circle. "One more spin, I want to make sure everything's perfect."

Lily moved slowly in a circle, her dress moving around her lightly. It was less fanciful than her dress had been at her wedding to James but she loved it just as much. It was ankle-length and more Wizarding-influenced than her first dress had been.

Molly nodded her approval and spoke one more time, "You look lovely, dear. I'm sorry I didn't approve at first but I think..." she nodded again as her eyes focused on something Lily couldn't see, "I think he's good for you and Harry."

"Thank you, Molly," she told the older witch. At first, Lily had doubted the older witch's sincerity, thinking she was only okay with her and Sirius getting married because they were going to have a child together but as the day of the wedding grew closer Molly had seemed truly supportive. It made all the difference in the women's relationship. Molly slipped out of the wooden door that led to the main hall of the little chapel.

Lily was left standing in the side room alone, breathing deeply to keep herself relaxed. Sirius hadn't been bothered by her need for a church wedding and had even suggested dressing in Muggle clothes like he'd done when he'd stood up for James. She told him he could wear Wizard's robes if that was more comfortable. She didn't have any Muggle relatives that she needed to hide from. She hadn't even bothered to invite Petunia and her family. In the years since James's death, Petunia had not once reached out to her sister and Lily had come to the end of her tether. If Petunia wanted nothing to do with her, then so be it.

Lily checked once more to make sure she wasn't going to leak through the top of her gown and then stepped out into the hall. Remus was standing at the door wearing well-tailored Wizard's robes waiting for her.

He smiled at her when she gave him a confused look. "Sirius and I thought that with your permission I could step in for..." he paused and his brow knit together, "for James. We thought..."

Lily's smiled and her eyes started to fill with tears. She dabbed at her eyes and he noticed.

"Oh, no! Don't cry, please," he said reaching out to hold her upper arm.

"No, they're happy tears. I think... I think he would appreciate it, you know, one Marauder to another."

Remus nodded and took a deep breath. "You ready?" He turned and offered her his arm to escort her down the aisle to Sirius.

"Yes."

They stepped around the screen decorated with mistletoe and holly that had been set up to provide her privacy and her eyes sought out first Harry and AJ. Harry was sitting in Minerva's lap and Molly was cradling the dozing one-month-old. Then she looked at Sirius. He was exceedingly handsome in his black robes and he seemed to be standing so very tall and straight. His hair had grown since he'd had to cut it when he came home from Azkaban and it just dusted his shoulders in soft waves. His eyes locked with hers and her breath caught. The love shining in his gaze was overwhelming. She grinned a little when she felt Remus's tug on her arm—it seemed she'd stopped to stare.

When Remus had brought her to Sirius and handed her over, he moved to stand beside Sirius. Sirius's warm hands clasped around hers and she looked up into his smiling face. She almost couldn't believe that she was marrying again but here she was, her heart was thumping in her chest, reminding her with every soft thump that she loved him. He'd given her little AJ, how could she not love him?

The officiant's words were lost on her as he united her and Sirius in matrimony. She answered his softly spoken questions properly and that was all that really mattered. Before she realised it, the entire thing was over and Sirius was grinning at her. He wrapped his arms around her and dipped her to kiss her. She was sure the cheers she heard were from the eldest little Weasley boys. He set her back on her feet as he turned them to face their guests.

"I have the honoured pleasure of introducing, Mr and Mrs Sirius Black," the officiant said loudly.

Lily was sure the next half hour was important but her mind was clouded with a happy haze as Remus took way too many pictures and she and Sirius signed the certificate. Finally, when her stomach growled Sirius started leading her toward a long table where everyone was seated.

She smiled at their guests. She opened her mouth to say thank you to everyone that had come but before she could a large black owl swooped in through the window and dropped a red envelope on the table between her and Sirius.

Sirius reached out and slid his finger under the flap and let the magic take control, raising it into the air to float a foot or so away from them. "Sirius Black!" the screechy, raspy voice of an older woman bellowed from the howler. He sat up straighter and smiled wickedly at the thing. "You are an absolute disgrace! Blood traitor! An impure grandchild! I don't believe you, you—You are no son of mine! How dare you marry such—"

Lily silenced it before it started to insult her. The howler continued to bounce and scream for a solid five minutes between them. Molly and Arthur had distracted the children with food and Minerva and Remus were chattering about something next to Sirius.

"What has you looking so smug? That was your mother, wasn't it? How did she even find out we were getting married?"

"Yes, that was my mother," he answered, still looking mischievous. "And she knew because I might have sent her AJ's birth announcement along with a wedding invitation."

Lily's eyes went wide. "Didn't his birth announcement mention I was Muggle-born? I still don't understand why they have to include things like that."

Sirius chuckled. "For precisely that reason," he said pointing at the red letter that was starting to tear itself into small pieces. He looked up at her and shrugged, "Well, maybe not _that_ reason, but it's because of people like her, people who think it matters somehow. It doesn't. AJ is a Black and now so are you."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "You didn't see how I signed the certificate did you?"

The smile started to slip off his lips. "You... what did you sign as?"

"Lily Potter-Black."

"Oh," he said, looking down and away from her.

"Sirius, I can change it, I didn't mean to—"

When he looked back up at her his eyes were shimmering with tears and his smile was brilliant. "It's perfect. I..." he paused and nodded, "It's perfect. It really is. I love it." He reached out and interlaced their fingers, bringing their hands to his lips to kiss. "I love you."


	33. The Beginning

The Hogwarts Express gleamed red through the smoke as the Potter-Black-Lupin family crossed through the barrier onto platform nine and three-quarters. Harry Potter walked tall next to his mum wearing well-fitting Wizarding robes and waited for the inevitable whispers and pointing to start.

It had gradually become worse as he aged. He remembered sometime after he turned six, strangers started to come up to him and his parents when they were in Diagon Alley or even in the little village where they lived. It happened more often when he was with his mum than when he was with his dad, but it still happened. At first, he'd been a bit shy and scared of all the strangers but his parents had explained why he was famous.

They would tell him the story every year on James's birthday, each year adding more details as he matured and they deemed he could handle it. Now the whispers and pointing were old hat and it didn't really bother him so much. The truth was he wasn't the one that had really destroyed Voldemort. James's love for Harry and his sacrifice had done the job and protected Harry from the Killing Curse. Harry didn't bother trying to explain that to the awed strangers enamoured with the 'boy who lived.'

"Are you nervous?" His mum asked.

He looked up at and smiled. "No. Just not looking forward to the long train ride." He could feel the twitching in his fingers already starting as he thought of having to sit still for close to nine hours. He knew he'd be able to get up and walk around but being stuck on a train for that long sounded miserable.

Lily leaned down and kissed him on the head and ran her fingers through his hair, ruffling it. "I know how you hate sitting still but Ron will be there and there will be others around to make friends with. It'll go by fast."

He nodded and hugged her.

"Want me to help you put your trunk on the train?"

"Of course, Dad," Harry said, looking up at Sirius. Sirius canted his gaze to Uncle Remus and Harry realised what he almost forgot to do.

"Love you, Uncle Remus," he said, turning and hugging his uncle around the middle. "See you later, Lu-Lu," he told his baby sister where she sat snuggled in Remus's arms. He reached up and tickled her side and she squirmed and giggled.

"Muah," she said, kissing her hand and trying to toss a kiss at him. Harry pretended to grab it out of the air and tucked it into his pocket, winking at her afterwards. She giggled again.

"You too, AJ," he said, turning to his younger brother who was holding Lily's hand.

"You'll write and tell us what house you're in?" AJ asked. He was almost as tall as Harry already despite being a few years younger.

"I'll be in Gryffindor, silly, but yeah, I'll write."

"Can I play on your broom?"

"AJ!" Lily chided. "You have your own broom."

"But his is faster!"

"His is the exact same as yours," Sirius told him. "Come on," he tilted his head, gesturing toward the train, "don't want it to leave without you."

Harry rolled his trunk behind him and Sirius walked with his large, warm hand on his back. "You ready to do this?" He asked. He picked up the trunk and set it on the edge of the train car.

"Yeah," Harry answered, nodding.

"You'll be fine. Just write home if anything happens. We'll be right there if you need us."

"Thanks. Love you, Dad."

"Love you too," Sirius said, winking at him. He watched Harry climb the steps and roll his trunk behind him as he moved further into the compartment. He walked back to stand with his family, brushing his fingers over first Luna's hair, then AJ's. The train whistle blew and more smoke filled the station. Sirius reached down and clasped his hand over Lily's free hand. She squeezed it as the train pulled out of the station.

When it was completely out of view she turned to look at him. "Tell me you didn't give him the cloak," she said.

Sirius looked at her, met Remus's eyes over her shoulder and then returned his eyes to her. He raised a mischievous eyebrow as a grin spread across his lips. "Would we do that?"


End file.
